Wholesome Halloween Activities

Americana
1. The adults were a little concerned about his home life when Billy punched out the eyeholes and muttered 'That's what happens to dirty, dirty whores.'

2. "What do you think, does it look more like Hillary or Pelosi?"

3. Gallant cleverly reused the eye cut-outs to make demon horns. Goofus was thinking about going American Pie on the mouth hole.

4. "This is really going to scare the crap out of people when I drop them on cars from the I-96 overpass."

5. "It's a good thing they don't know what I'm going to do with those pumpkins," Billy's scoutmaster thought.

Best of The Man
With a zero tolerance policy at school towards knives, the students were forced to carve pumpkins with used syringes from the "shoot-up safely" program.

Best of Jack Reacher
When the Livonia Police Department was ordered by the feds to use a race-neutral Identi-Kit, it resulted in a warrant issued for Stewie Griffin.

Best of Silhouette
Sure, we didn't send him to kindergarten until he was 14. But he's getting straight A's, isn't he? Who looks foolish now?

Best of Submariner
They's, ummmm, pumpkin pie, and pumpkin roll, and pumpkin soup, and...

Best of GOP & College
"KNIFE ON CAMPUS! TAKE HIM DOWN TAKE HIM DOWN!!!"