Friday, October 12, 2007

New Addition to the Carter-Arafat Club


1. Gorefus was still miffed they didn't let him pose in the Western Hemisphere where Florida looked like his schlong.

2. "... and another push-pin for Monaco, and two for Cannes," Gorefus obsessively marks all the places he ass-raped Leo di Caprio.

3. "After we have solidified our position in Czechoslovakia, I expect Poland to fall within 40 days, then we will push on into Russia before the Winter!"

4. "Hey, the Earth's bald spot is almost as big as mine!"

5. Coincidentally, the same day the Earth had the best weather ever, Gorefus swelled to the size of his own ego and soon perished in the harsh vacuum of space.

Best of Sean Gleeson
"Also, in the future, there will be no ice cream. You'll just be holding an empty cone, like this."

Best of Sean Gleeson
"I have appeared in numerous major motion pictures. In this scene from The 40-Year-Old Virgin, that's me, to the right of the Universal logo."

Best of The Man
And then Al Gore collected all the world's nuclear weapons in a big net and threw them into the sun.

Best of The Man
Al Gore and Justin Timberlake's skit titled *ick in a Temperate Sustainable Ecosystem failed to produce any internet buzz.

Best of Whacko
"I'm too sexy for my planet ...."

Best of Kevin Walker
"... and another push pin for Norway." the Goracle obsessevely marks all of the places he ass raped science.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Actually I think the answer is closer to 43."

Best of Rodney Dill
"... and then I invented the Nobel Peace prize."

Best of Frank_IBC
...I want a g*dd**n concerted effort to come out of a record that isn't a f**king up-tempo record every time I gotta do a g*dd**n global warming lecture! It's the last g*dd**n time; I want somebody who uses his f**king brain to not come out of a go*dd**n record... that's up-tempo and I've got to talk about a f**king planet dying!...Boy, is this f**king ponderous man...ponderous, f**king ponderous.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Yes, I put my elbow on Africa, and there's no controlling legal authority to tell me I can't."

Best of prince of leaves
Unable to resist smacking down his smarmy self-importance, Gaia sneaks into the Nobel award ceremony and gives St. Al a wedgie of planetary proportions.

Best of Submariner
Moments after sighting the Goreacle, the Fantastic 4 left the Baxter buiding to battle this hideous threat to the Earth's very existence.

Best of curly
Al new he was getting big when:

a. his shadow covered two continents;
b. he technically qualified to become a solar system;
c. he threatened to bitch slap Ghia if she didn’t cool down;
d. the tin foil hat crowd began referring to him as The Great Mother Ship.

Best of sonicfrog
So in love with the sound of his own voice, the former vp didn't even notice the enraged planet stalking him from behind, poised for the attack.

55 comments:

Frank_IBC said...

A tremendous mass of hot air was generated by the Sahara Desert.

Frank_IBC said...

Al Gore looked at that photo of himself, tears welling up, and thought how much happier things were during the Little Ice Age, before the time of the Great Expansion.

Sean Gleeson said...

"Also, in the future, there will be no ice cream. You'll just be holding an empty cone, like this."

metalgarth said...

The Nobel Prize committee was baffled when the latest winner exclaimed, seemingly to noone, "WONDER TWIN POWERS ACTIVATE"

Sean Gleeson said...

"...and on the seventh day, I rested."

jeff said...

When he said, "It's shrinking!" he wasn't talking about the polar ice cap.

curly said...

"Does Africa make my ass look fat?"

Sean Gleeson said...

"I have appeared in numerous major motion pictures. In this scene from The 40-Year-Old Virgin, that's me, to the right of the Universal logo."

curly said...

Iranians no longer think that Mahmoud Ahmadinjad is the biggest bung hole in the land, thanks to Al Gore’s giant ass staring down on them.

lawhawk said...

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that global warming exists. And like that... he is gone.

Whacko said...

Algore's planetary girth succeded in a gravitational pull strong enough to attract the earth.

The Man said...

lockbox

The Man said...

And then Al Gore collected all the world's nuclear weapons in a big net and threw them into the sun.

The Man said...

Al, put a pin in China.
No Al, that's Denmark. You have no idea where China is, do you Al?

The Man said...

Al Gore and Justin Timberlake's skit titled *ick in a Temperate Sustainable Ecosystem failed to produce any internet buzz.

The Man said...

And on the eighth day, I created the internet.

Whacko said...

"I'm too sexy for my planet ...."

Army of Dad said...

Wow, this wax staute really does look like the real thing!

Kevin Walker said...

"... and another push pin for Norway." the Goracle obsessevely marks all of the places he ass raped logic.

Rodney Dill said...

"I am Algorax, I speak for the trees."

Rodney Dill said...

"Actually I think the answer is closer to 43."

Rodney Dill said...

"... and then I invented the Nobel Peace prize."

Rodney Dill said...

Winner of the 2007 Nobel Fleece Prize.

Robert said...

A Nobel Prize! Me! Al Gore! I can't believe that they believe this crap!

I am Truth. I am Love.

BWAHAHAHA. I am CORNHOLIO!

Rodney Dill said...

Al Gore, the epitomy of Global Smarming.

Frank_IBC said...

A few seconds after this picture was taken, a missed cue quickly wiped the smile from Al Gore's face...

...I want a g*dd**n concerted effort to come out of a record that isn't a f**king up-tempo record every time I gotta do a g*dd**n global warming lecture! It's the last g*dd**n time; I want somebody who uses his f**king brain to not come out of a go*dd**n record... that's up-tempo and I've got to talk about a f**king planet dying!...Boy, is this f**king ponderous man...ponderous, f**king ponderous.

Jack Reacher said...

"Yes, I put my elbow on Africa, and there's no controlling legal authority to tell me I can't."

Jack Reacher said...

A large area of the earth was subjected to a solar eclipse in the shape of Al Gore today.

Frank_IBC said...

Al Gore tells Bjorn Lomberg his critique of human-induced global warming theory* is not cool, it's boring.

(*video semi-NSFW)

Frank_IBC said...

As Al Gore concluded telling his environmentalist fairy tale, he noted that he had the undivided attention of every little girl in the audience. The expression on his face shifted from its usual nerdish fervor to one of maniacal glee... he paused for a moment... and then he told his tiny captive audience, "Global warming means you're not going to have a pony. Never, no way, ain't never gonna happen. Bwahahahahahaha!!!"

Anonymous said...

The Earth, the Atmosphere, the Egosphere

e-C

prince of leaves said...

Unable to resist smacking down his smarmy self-importance, Gaia sneaks into the Nobel award ceremony and gives St. Al a wedgie of planetary proportions.

prince of leaves said...

Where will YOU be when your global warming kicks in?

prince of leaves said...

"And to demonstrate that I am not in fact a climate change hypocrite, I will travel to Oslo on a Gulfstream powered entirely on biokerosene extracted from my own liposuction gunk!"

prince of leaves said...

The comedy sketch portion of the Nobel award ceremony took a tragic yet ironic turn, when the giant rolling Indiana Jones boulder painted to look like Earth went out of control and steamrolled Al Gore.

prince of leaves said...

"Only James Bond can stop my fiendish plan now, muahahahahahahhhh!"

Submariner said...

Like all great con artists and salesmen, alGore's shtick began with "I just want you to keep an open mind here..."

Submariner said...

Moments after sighting the Goreacle, the Fantastic 4 left the Baxter buiding to battle this hideous threat to the Earth's very existence.

Submariner said...

Can't this thing spin any faster? I want Orange County to "Say hello to my little friend!"

Rodney Dill said...

Al gore is out of this world.

curly said...

Al new he was getting big when:

a. his shadow covered two continents;
b. he technically qualified to become a solar system;
c. he threatened to bitch slap Ghia if she didn’t cool down;
d. the tin foil hat crowd began referring to him as The Great Mother Ship.

curly said...

"Now is the time on Sprockets when we cover the Red States with warm yellow urine."

Submariner said...

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"

AJ said...

Gore tries to show that yes, the world does infact revolve around him.

AJ said...

Al then proceeds to unzip and urinate all over Europe.

Submariner said...

"...and speaking of large 'hot air masses,' here's al'Gore with the weather..."

Submariner said...

"...and there is absolutely NO truth to the rumor that I use the same amount of energy as 20 average American families. That would only be true of my Tennessee mansion minus the guest house..."


v word - skydikp

curly said...

Open the sphincter door, Al.

curly said...

Astronomers were undecided on what to call the new Al Gore planet, as UR-ANUS was already taken.

sonicfrog said...

It seems even the Earth is sick of hearing Al Gore talk about global warming. The former VP is so in love with the sound of his own voice, he didn't even notice the enraged planet stalking him from behind, poised for the attack.

sonicfrog said...

Al Gore's ego: Smaller than the Earth, Definitely bigger than the moon.

AJ said...

"God Dammit George! If you keep pointing that red lazer at my crotch, I swear I will unleash a world of pain on your ass! Sorry folks, where were we...ah, yes, I was counting off the awards I've won. Number 56..."

AJ said...

With his powerpoint presentation frozen, Al resorts to Plan B: Mobiles!

curly said...

I’M IN URANUS, WARMING UR GLOBLALS.

Mr. Right said...

I know it's too late, but I still can't resist...

"As Africa revolves into view, let me show all of you idiots in Florida the proper way to punch out a Chad!"