Monday, October 22, 2007

Hello, Dalai

Brender

1. "I can't believe they both pulled my finger! Woo-hoo!"

2. "See, now if y'all had passed my immigration plan, I coulda made this guy a citizen just for crossing the border. But, nope, you bigots who don't want what's best for America kept me from making an American out of the spiritual leader of a billion Buddhists. Stupid bigots! Not you, your holiness."

3. Surrounded by a complete void of soul and intellect, the Dalai Lama realized he had finally achieved Nirvana.

4. "... but a three-l lllama is a heckuva fire! Get it! Three l lllama? Three alarm... what the hell is wrong with you people."

5. The lama kept wondering why the strange dessicated zombie-woman kept asking if he had any donations for Hillary.

Best of Army of Dad
Notice that the Dali Lama has the good sense to keep his hand on his wallet when next to a Democrat. Or it could be his heart he is trying to protect.

Best of Jack Reacher
"He just asked what is the controlling legal authority for this meeting. Guy cracks me up!"

Best of mormonbradybunchdad
Now I know what it feels like to the shake hands with the devil!! Kind of tickles!!!

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Mr. President, is there anything you can do to keep Richard Gere the F away from me?"

Best of Submariner
Stop me if you've heard this one - A Llama, a mummy and the President of the US walk into a reception together...

Best of baslim
You have a handful of what? Bearded clam jerky. You really do crack me up, your holiness, but you are one very sick and dangerous individual.

Best of duke of red
"Heh heh. Hey your holiness, Confucious say, Man who back into pantry get ass in jam. Geddit?"

Best of andthenblammo!
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day?? That's whut Ah call philosophy!

Best of attmay
♫ Hello, Dali, well hello, Dali ♫ C'mon, your holiness! You know the words!

Best of prince of leaves
"I'm glad to finally meet'ya, Dali! Man, the times we had back in college, gettin' wasted and staring at your weird paintings for *hours*!"

Best of Rodney Dill
Even though told he would be denied total enlightment, George couldn't resist calling the Dalai Lama, "Pookie," just one more time.

Best of metalgarth
Their plans to form a Rush tribute band were cut short because Nancy didn't have the schnoz to be a convincing Geddy Lee even after 30 or 40 botox sessions, Dalai Lama wasn't about to get drunk and start a fight on New Year's Eve in a bar in Florida and "W" learned all of Frank Beard's drum parts instead of Neal Peart's. "ZZ Top could kick those sissy Canuck's asses any day" he was overheard saying many years later.

43 comments:

Submariner said...

Now y'all keep tight aholt a that hand yer holiness and we'll be able to get it back in the crypt afor it does anymore damage...

Submariner said...

One a the 72 VIRGINS Muslims look for'd to?!? You crack me up yer holiness...

Double the U said...

President Bush, Confucius say never to laugh evil in the face.

Whacko said...

The Lama can't help but wonder how America can be a super power with nimrods like these as leaders.

Army of Dad said...

Notice that the Dali Lama has the good sense to keep his hand on his wallet when next to a Democrat. Or it could be his heart he is trying to protect.

Jack Reacher said...

"He just asked what is the controlling legal authority for this meeting. Guy cracks me up!"

mormonbradybunchdad said...

Now I know what it feels like to the shake hands with the devil!! Kind of tickles!!!

Jack Reacher said...

"Good job, your Holiness! Just don't look into her eyes, and she can't turn you into a pillar of salt!"

Jack Reacher said...

President Bush enjoys a good laugh after Nancy Peolosi asked the Dalai Lama where he got his burkha.

Jack Reacher said...

Gallant welcomes the spiritual leader, while Goofus asks if he brought his checkbook.

The Man said...

The Pelosi Grip claims another male victim!

Son Of The Godfather said...

"F.U., China! Heh heh heh."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Mr. President, is there anything you can do to keep Richard Gere the F away from me?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"...so then the girl says: 'Why don't you just spit on it like the other monks do?' Heh heh heh..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"So, when David Carradine left your temple for the old west, didja ever think he'd be gettin' into so much trouble?"

Submariner said...

She calls herse'f "Granny Nan," yer holiness, not "Nanny Goat." But I can see how ya'd get confused...

Submariner said...

Stop me if you've heard this one - A Llama, a mummy and the President of the US walk into a reception together...

baslim said...

You have a handful of what? Bearded clam jerky. You really do crack me up, your holiness, but you are one very sick and dangerous individual.

duke of red said...

"Heh heh. Hey your holiness, Confucious say, Man who back into pantry get ass in jam. Geddit?"

wacha said...

"why didn't you shave your head to meet the Lama, eh bitch?"

AJ said...

Lama: "When you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness."

Bush: "He hehe heh. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."

prince of leaves said...

Dalai Lama thought bubble: "I deposed from ruling my country and forced to wander Earth as refugee, while these two yak asses control most powerful nation on planet. If I not so detached, might be bitter about it."

andthenblammo! said...

"Thanks again to Wak-e Fu's House of Fun! The ol' double palm buzzer trick never fails!"

andthenblammo! said...

"Geez, Nan, this guy pulls no punches! 'Yeti-breath!' Woo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Bet you're stocking up on breath mints!"

Mr. Right said...

Because someone had to do it...

♫ Clown to the left of me, joker to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with you! ♫

andthenblammo! said...

"How about a Chinese three-way? That's one from column A, and two from column B! Ar har har har har har!"

andthenblammo! said...

"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day?? That's whut Ah call philosophy!

prince of leaves said...

Bush winces as the Tibetan lifeforce transfer ritual commences, but he had no choice -- agreeing to donate a few years of his life to rejuvenate Nancy for the rest of her term was the price to be paid for an amnesty bill he would be willing to sign.

attmay said...

♫ Hello, Dali, well hello, Dali ♫ C'mon, your holiness! You know the words!

Dr.Hardcrab said...

Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga.

Submariner said...

♫One of these things is not like the others...♪

sonicfrog said...

♫ Some brimstone baritone anticyclone rolling stone preacher from the east
Says, "Dethrone the dictaphone, hit it in it's funny bone,
that's where they expect it least" ♫

sonicfrog said...

Reincarnation.... Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

prince of leaves said...

"I'm glad to finally meet'ya, Dali! Man, the times we had back in college, gettin' wasted and staring at your weird paintings for *hours*!"

curly said...

“By wearing that robe and all you look just like one of Congresswomen Pelosi’s constituents!”

curly said...

“Pardon me, Dolly!...Get it?...Dolly Parton!...Get it!”

Submariner said...

>snicker< Sorry, Nan, but the Lama's spoke >tee hee<
Yer comin' back as a neocon. >ho ho< Deal with it.
>mwahahahaha!<

curly said...

“Nobody can beat an old abortionist like Nancy at rocks/hangers/scissors, yer holiness.”

Rodney Dill said...

Even though told he would be denied total enlightment, George couldn't resist calling the Dalai Lama, "Pookie," just one more time.

Submariner said...

"Edwina get backinbowl?"
No, no, yer holiness; she'd hafta HAVE a soul fer that ta work...

curly said...

“Nancy, I understand the ménage-à-trios part, but wouldn’t it be considered bestiality if one the participants is a llama?”

curly said...

“Is today’s meditation word ‘ommmm’ or ‘neo-connnn’?”

metalgarth said...

Their plans to form a Rush tribute band were cut short because Nancy didn't have the schnoz to be a convincing Geddy Lee even after 30 or 40 botox sessions, Dalai Lama wasn't about to get drunk and start a fight on New Year's Eve in a bar in Florida and "W" learned all of Frank Beard's drum parts instead of Neal Peart's. "ZZ Top could kick those sissy Canuck's asses any day" he was overheard saying many years later.