Saturday, October 20, 2007

Fat Assed Tractor Chick

Timmah!
1. Spinal Tap celebrates the 25 year anniversary of their hits "Sex Farm" and "Big Bottom" with a special double-CD.

2. "Help.... mom... can't... breathe..." This is was not going to look good on Britney Spears' custody case.

3. Because the suspension kept giving out on her Rascal, that's why.

4. If Britney had known about Home Depot's policy of not pursuing shoplifters, she wouldn't have had to cut through that kid's birthday party.

5. Rosie O'Donnell quickly soured on four-wheeling when it became apparent that jumps or speeds in excess of 4 mph weren't going to happen for her.

Best of Rodney Dill
Just when you thought everything that could go wrong for Britney had already happened, the thyroid condition kicked in.

Best of Whacko
Out in Nebraska, the women are so tough they can give birth right there on the tractor and never miss plowing a row.

Best of Submariner
...when Charlene sat around the farm, she sat around the farm.

Best of prince of leaves
After the Wal-Mart made it clear that they'd had enough of the constant equipment repairs, Charlene got a Social Security disability grant to buy her own, high-capacity shopping go-kart.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Einstein theorized the nothing can travel faster than the speed of light. Sometimes that's kinda obvious.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Pam, it's only 20 G.D. feet to the mailbox!"

Best of sonicfrog
The human race hase finally found a way to keep the evil Decepticons from transforming, thereby rendering them harmless.

Best of Mr. Right
Having snatched another unfortunate youngster from the herd at Kinder Care, Bertha sped off to enjoy her midday snack.

Best of Snarkyone
Thanks, momma! I haven't been mobile since the accident, but with this baby I can cruise Wal-Mart forever!

Best of curly
The real reason why Democrats get vaccinated before NASCAR events.

Best of Army of Mom
Mmmmmph was all little Sadie could say after Big Momma hit the brakes a little too hard when she heard the Ice Cream Man truck's music behind her.


51 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

"Whaddya mean its makin' too much noise, I ain't turned it on yet."

Rodney Dill said...

Just when you thought everything that could go wrong for Britney had already happened, the thyroid condition kicked in.

Rodney Dill said...

(bumper sticker)
Ready to haul ASS

the paperboy said...

♪ I felt the earth! Mover! Under my ass! ♪

the paperboy said...

It's green. It's methane powered. It gets two miles per gallon of chili.

Submariner said...

In John.Deere.Green.
It said "Billy-Bob humped Charlene."
And the whole town said
That he shoulda done 'reds'
Then it wouldn't a been obscene...

Submariner said...

Charlene whined; "Why don't they ever 'car-jack' me?"

Whacko said...

Out in Nebraska, the women are so tough they can give birth right there on the tractor and never miss plowing a row.

Submariner said...

"...and after the taffy-pull, Dawn promised ta take me shoppin' over to Bass Pro Shops..."

Submariner said...

New AD Tom Osbourne was excited; he had finally found the Nose Tackle that would solidify the 'Huskers line!

Submariner said...

...when Charlene sat around the farm, she sat around the farm.

prince of leaves said...

After the Wal-Mart made it clear that they'd had enough of the constant equipment repairs, Charlene got a Social Security disability grant to buy her own, high-capacity shopping go-kart.

Jack Reacher said...

Charlene never understood the joke about how sex with a fat woman is like riding a 4-wheeler, but she tried.

prince of leaves said...

The family was delighted when Charlene bought the Grizzly -- now she could drive herself to the car wash instead of relying on them for her weekly sponge-bath.

the paperboy said...

A lawn tractor like this might need a few more helium baloons to get off the ground than a lawn chair.

v-word: yxbun

divine miss m said...

If she wants to haul ass, she'll have to make two trips.

Submariner said...

drrrrrrrrrrrumrrrrrrrollllll
V. da K. announces his newest feature;
Cap Hog Saturday!

Submariner said...

Rosie knew that the ONLY way she'd ever have a child was to make a fast get-away after she snatched it from some unsuspecting couple...

Son Of The Godfather said...

It appears the shock absorbers are in shock.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"That thing got a hemi?..."
"Yeah, a hemi sphere."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Einstein theorized the nothing can travel faster than the speed of light. Sometimes that's kinda obvious.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Didn't I see something similar on the back of my Guinness Book of World Records back in the day?

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Pam, it's only 20 G.D. feet to the mailbox!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Are the balloons in orbit?

Son Of The Godfather said...

"You break it, you..."
SNAP!
"Marty, bring the paperwork!"

V... The Bad Seed, Young Frankenstein, and Plan 9 from Outer Space... Excellent Halloween fair!

sonicfrog said...

♫ Transformers, more..... than..... meets.... the..... eye........!!! ♫

sonicfrog said...

The human race hase finally found a way to keep the evil Decepticons from transforming, thereby rendering them harmless.

sonicfrog said...

Megatron never dreamed his punishment for his misdeeds would be this cruel.

Mr. Right said...

Having snatched another unfortunate youngster from the herd at Kinder Care, Bertha sped off to enjoy her midday snack.

Submariner said...

Tessy found that every time she rode one, she blew out the shocks. Voila! 4 Wheelers for Beaners was stood up to exploit the low-rider niche market.

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

Charlene couldn't believe it - still no sign of that VW Rabbit! She might just win the race afterall.

Snarkyone said...

Thanks, momma! I haven't been mobile since the accident, but with this baby I can cruise Wal-Mart forever!

curly said...

"VtheK made a mistake. Hold on while I put this in reverse and take us back to 'Hot Babe Thursday'."

curly said...

Miss Canada loves to show off her prizes.

curly said...

The real reason why Democrats get vaccinated before NASCAR events.

curly said...

You should see the 'before' picture!

curly said...

"Hold on honey. That's not roadkill; that's dinner!"

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

...And the latest model comes with delux mudflaps!

Whacko said...

I think this is what Algore means when he talks about a large carbon footprint.

Snarkyone said...

Cletis, throw your body across that parkin' spot!

Momma, I love my new shopping cart but you forgot the buggy option.

Submariner said...

♪Oh I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok, I work all night and I sleep all day!♪

Submariner said...

Lessee; I got my riding crop, my black Doc Johnsons, my extra-wide Catholic High School skirt and Barbi is supposed to bring the whipping frame. See ya when I get back from Folsom Street Fair street theatre, poppi.

Army of Mom said...

*singing*

Big fat Fannie was such a naughty nanny, she made a big man out of me!

Army of Mom said...

Mmmmmph was all little Sadie could say after Big Momma hit the brakes a little too hard when she heard the Ice Cream Man truck's music behind her.

Army of Mom said...

Fannie hopped on the four-wheeler when she heard the bell at Golden Corral. "Fresh bread, Bubba, hop on 'n let's go!!!"

Army of Mom said...

Fannie wondered why the city's streets department workers followed her everywhere she went. It was coincidental to her that potholes seemed to follow her.

Submariner said...

Army of Mom said...
Fannie wondered why the city's streets department workers followed her everywhere she went. It was coincidental to her that potholes seemed to follow her.


But it was still less embarrassing than when Barnum and Bailey came to town and their "shovel and can" brigade followed her...

Army of Mom said...

Good one, subby. :)

Fannie has personalized plates, too:

WIDE LOAD

Army of Mom said...

Whenever Fannie backs up, people can hear the familiar beeping of heavy equipment.

Rodney Dill said...

The Queefinator