1. "Billy's been touching himself, daddy. Can I cut his hands off?"
2. "How cute! Little Ali is only four years old and already can't wait to honor-kill his sister for text messaging a kuffir."
3. "Um, Honey? How much did you like that cat, anyway?"
4. "He's been brainwashed to lop off exposed nads. Let's take him to the Folsom Street Fair.
5. "O.K. Fine. The next time Gage gets hit by a tanker truck, I won't bury him in the Pet Cemetery."
Best of Kaptain
"No, I didn't get him "an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and 'this thing' which tells time." He would put his eye out. This is just as good.
Best of The Man
Show Jimmy what we do to people who turn 18 here in the corn field.
Best of Van Helsing
"Little Suzie won't give you a kiss? Take this and ask her again."
Best of the paperboy
He's only two, but he can already carve an exact likeness of Nancy Pelosi out of a fermented apple using nothing but a hatchet. Watch...
Best of Jack Reacher
A telling glimpse at Billy Bob Thornton's childhood.
Best of Silhouette
There's nothing quite like the Ed Ames - Johnny Carson home game.
Best of Submariner
"here kitty, kitty, kitty..."
Best of prince of leaves
"Pass the bill or I'll chop off your kneecaps!" Stung by the mawkish hypocrisy of the Graeme Frost debacle, House Democrats roll out a slightly more, er, "persuasive" poster child for S-CHIP.
Best of GOP & College
Little John was trained like a hawk to attack if some one successfully performed the goat.
Best of Rodney Dill
Best of Army of Mom
ANF- acronym for: Annoying Numnuts Father
1892 - Number of DUI's