Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Axe Effect

Timmah!

1. "Billy's been touching himself, daddy. Can I cut his hands off?"

2. "How cute! Little Ali is only four years old and already can't wait to honor-kill his sister for text messaging a kuffir."

3. "Um, Honey? How much did you like that cat, anyway?"

4. "He's been brainwashed to lop off exposed nads. Let's take him to the Folsom Street Fair.

5. "O.K. Fine. The next time Gage gets hit by a tanker truck, I won't bury him in the Pet Cemetery."

Best of Kaptain
"No, I didn't get him "an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and 'this thing' which tells time." He would put his eye out. This is just as good.

Best of The Man
Show Jimmy what we do to people who turn 18 here in the corn field.

Best of Van Helsing
"Little Suzie won't give you a kiss? Take this and ask her again."

Best of the paperboy
He's only two, but he can already carve an exact likeness of Nancy Pelosi out of a fermented apple using nothing but a hatchet. Watch...

Best of Jack Reacher
A telling glimpse at Billy Bob Thornton's childhood.

Best of Silhouette
There's nothing quite like the Ed Ames - Johnny Carson home game.

Best of Submariner
"here kitty, kitty, kitty..."

Best of prince of leaves
"Pass the bill or I'll chop off your kneecaps!" Stung by the mawkish hypocrisy of the Graeme Frost debacle, House Democrats roll out a slightly more, er, "persuasive" poster child for S-CHIP.

Best of GOP & College
Little John was trained like a hawk to attack if some one successfully performed the goat.

Best of Rodney Dill
"LEEEEROYYY JENKINSSS!!!

Best of Army of Mom
ANF- acronym for: Annoying Numnuts Father
1892 - Number of DUI's

37 comments:

Kaptain said...

"Sure I sharpened his axe for him, Honey. What could possibly go wrong?"

Kaptain said...

"No, I didn't get him "an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and 'this thing' which tells time." He would put his eye out. This is just as good.

Kaptain said...

A rare early photo of Michael Myers.

The Man said...

Show Jimmy what we do to people who turn 18 here in the corn field.

The Man said...

Brittany Spears responded "but Preston never killed anyone with the axe"

Van Helsing said...

"Little Suzie won't give you a kiss? Take this and ask her again."

the paperboy said...

He's only two, but he can already carve an exact likeness of Nancy Pelosi out of a fermented apple using nothing but a hatchet. Watch...

the paperboy said...

Always spay and neuter your pets. Billy will demonstrate.

the paperboy said...

Thats my little axe-man!

the paperboy said...

Billy, here's your chores for today:
1. UAW benefits
2. congressional budget
3. military funding
4. troop levels in Iraq
5. your dad's hair

do NOT cut:
1. the cheese
2. the cherry tree
3. your own hair

the paperboy said...

♪ O Whacking Day, O Whacking Day ♪

the paperboy said...

Ironically, the punishment for "whacking off" is, well, getting it whacked off.

the paperboy said...

On the other hand, treatment for STDs under HillaryCare is slow and painful.

Jack Reacher said...

So that's what happened to the rest of dad's pant legs.

Jack Reacher said...

A rare glimpse at Billy Bob Thornton's childhood.

Silhouette said...

There's nothing quite like the Ed Ames - Johnny Carson home game.

sonicfrog said...

Axe's of evil.

Submariner said...

"here kitty, kitty, kitty..."

Submariner said...

Literary ORA;

Little David Dukes play "Merchant of Venice."

Submariner said...

Little Joe-Bob was really ticked when his tricycle threw him; REALLY ticked...

prince of leaves said...

While it seemed funny at the time, Lyle Borden would later regret giving young Lester an axe to play with.

prince of leaves said...

"Pass the bill or I'll chop off your kneecaps!" Stung by the mawkish hypocrisy of the Graeme Frost debacle, House Democrats roll out a slightly more, er, "persuasive" poster child for S-CHIP.

GOP & College said...

Little John was trained like a hawk to attack if some one successfully performed the goat.

Rodney Dill said...

"Hey Max, let's go play with your silver hammer instead."

Rodney Dill said...

"What's this axe wound the hedgehogs were singing about?"

Rodney Dill said...

"LEEEEROYYY JENKINSSS!!!

Submariner said...

Kindling; need more kindling...

Army of Mom said...

The inspiration for Family Guy's Stewie.

Make me eat broccoli again, bitch, I dare you.

Army of Mom said...

Looky here at little Billy's Halloween costume: a young George Washington. 'cept he keeps trying to chop down that thar cherry tree.

Army of Mom said...

Isn't that cute? He wants to play Cowboys and Indians. He's the Indian, who wants to be the cowboy?

Army of Mom said...

Honey, little Bubba is coming your way. He said something about taking care of whoever let me wear these pants. Not sure what he means.

*ironic word verification: ax uffj

Army of Mom said...

Where are those damn PC people who won't let ma boy dew a tomahawk chop at the Braves game?

Army of Mom said...

Bubba, you know better than to run with scissors. Here's an ax instead. Have fun, son.

Army of Mom said...

'Ow to speak redneck: Christmas gift.

Army of Mom said...

His Indian name: runs with ax.

Army of Mom said...

ANF- acronym for:
Annoying Numnuts Father

1892 - stands for number of times he's been in the slammer

Rodney Dill said...

Maybe that should've been:
"Wee Roy Jenkins!"