1. "Anyway, I got a message on my myspace from a guy who claims to be a congressman from Massachusetts and he'll pay me $50 if I pee in a Coke bottle and send it to him. That's gotta be a joke, right?"
2. "Senator Byrd's gonna sh1t his pants when he sees you sitting at the front of the bus, Tyrone."
3. "Whoa! Those brothers are really pounding the crap out of the white kid. It's gonna be tough to hang any more nooses with both of his arms broken."
4. "Yeah, Ahmed's backpack does look unusually stuffed. And I don't like the way his mom is ululating at all. Screw political correctness, I'm walkin' to school."
5. "Why, thank you, Tyrone. I'd love a cracker."
Best of Double The U
And if you look out the right side of the bus... the RIGHT side... the side the driver is on. Damn it, I hate these public school educated tours.
Best of Rodney Dill
Willie beat the crap out of the kid next to him when he found out the bus number was 1555.
Best of Jack Reacher
Forrest and Bubba eventually worked their way to the front of the bus.
Best of Jonathan
"Now that you mention it, Samuel, Mr. Jenkins does 'look like a bitch'!"
Best of Submariner
Samuel L. Jackson's first film project, "Snakes on a Bus" got little respect.
Best of CJ
"Hey, Mr Reeves, slow down. What the Hell is wrong with you?"