1. "I just spelled my name all over Russia. Take that you post-Communist bastards!"
2. "OK, Rick, I triple dog dare you to take off your space helmet!"
3. "That thing got a hemi?"
4. "I say we just aim this anti-missile megalaser at Alec Baldwin's house and claim it was an accident."
5. "'Does it make me feel small and insignificant?' What kind of faggot talk is that?"
Best of duke of red
I'M IN UR SPACECRAFT, EATIN' UR SHARE OF FOODZ.
Best of The Man
Call Guinness, Rosie's ass just joined The Great Wall of China as objects that can be seen from space.
Best of Capt. Queeg
"Sweet. Here comes the Shuttle. Hope they were able to score that case of Everclear."
Best of Rodney Dill
"I just pissed in my suit -- 0 Gee Whiz"
Best of Submariner
"...and they said a chubby ginger-haired boy in Des Moines could NEVER get off the ground - HA!"
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Weren't the inhabitants of this planet aware of the plans for the hyperspace bypass?
Best of Whacko
"I'm only a South Carolina high school graduate. Can anyone point out the United States for me?"
Best of Submariner
Prepair ship, for Ludicrous speed.
Fasten all seat belts. Seal all enterances and exits. Lock all stores in the mall. Cancel the 3-ring circus. Secure all animals in the zoo...
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Berkeley?... I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Don't laser me, Bro"
Best of metalgarth
Construction of the Haliburton Death Star was right on schedule and funded by profits from the 'War for Oil.' All of the exhaust ports would come with twin deflector force fields to protect against X-Wing pilots who were "strong with the Force."
Best of jeff
"You know, after crewing on the Daedalus to Atlantis, this is really a step backwards for me."
Best of curly
“Open the stall door, Hal.”
Best of Army of Dad
The first husband and wife fight in space. He is bent out of shape because she knocked the mirror off the module when she backed it into the bay.
Best of Son Of The Godfather
When spamming becomes criminal:
C:/Enter coordinates...
C:/10'30'102
C:/Processing...
C:/Accepted
C:/Enter time to launch...
C:/ RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL!
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"I know you're a fan, but should we really be risking our lives just so you can paint 'Galactica' out here?"
Best of Army of Mom
So, then, the crazy bitch puts on a diaper, grabs some mace and drives from Texas to Florida. I'm kinky and all and she had a great ass, but the diaper ... sort of ruined it for me. Yeah, that and the psycho thing.
Best of Army of Mom
Does this space suit make my butt look big? *another comment from the first husband/wife team in space*
Best of Army of Mom
If you just would have stopped and asked directions from that nice cosmonaut, we might not be floating around aimlessly in God knows where.
*yet another from the husband and wife team in space*
Best of prince of leaves
Yet another husband/wife cap: "I know you just finished reinstalling it, but I'm just not happy with the module there, either. Let's see how it looks on this port over here..."
Best of GregMan
"Admiral Adama, I know we finally found Earth, but you need to know that here they put dogs in bikini bottoms, let ducks talk on the radio, and are about to elect a shrill, male hating hag President. Let's get the frak out of here and take our chances with the Cylons."
Best of Dwight's Writing Manifesto
"Dammit, Cliff, I still can't get all of Rosie's chins in the frame. We better head on out another three parsecs and try again. Scrivner's waiting on this pic for the inside dust jacket photo."
Best of Dwight's Writing Manifesto
"Mmmm-hmmm. Tretarian combustion manifold is shot... Mmmm-hmmm. Looka there, you got a crack in the safety cylinder for the Photon guidance system. Oh, yep. Lookit. The hydrollic flifteg stabilizer looks like it hasn't been changed in a coon's age. Yep, yep. It's gonna cost you a preeeetty penny to get this baby back into hyperspace."
Best of Submariner
Keep your diapers on, Houston. This is only gonna take a couple a more minutes...
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"That's the LAST time we let the gorram Reavers on board."
Best of attmay
ORA: "No I'm not gonna pose for your stupid logo. Who wants to watch a channel made up of nothing but 'music videos' anyway?"
90 comments:
I'M IN UR SPACECRAFT, EATIN' UR SHARE OF FOODZ.
"Oops."
"Oh God, don't say oops!"
"Well, there's your problem right there!"
ORA - "It ain't got no gas in it....mmh hmmh."
"Hey, Jeff, look what IIIIIII'm doing!"
"GET THOSE FRIGGIN CUTTERS AWAY FROM MY SAFETY CABLE!!!!"
1) Being in outer space, the guys couldn't hear the *snip snip* of the crewmen cutting their tethers.
2) Hey I've got an idea. Gimme something to throw....LOOK OUT BELOW!!!
In the vacuum of space, no one can hear you fart. Pfffffff
NASA: A drinking team with a space problem.
No, I cannot see Uranus from here.
"Houston? Yeah, the Shuttle pilot just took out the science module. Again."
Call Guinness, Rosie's ass just joined The Great Wall of China as objects that can be seen from space.
So it's this website where people post captions to pictures. It's pretty funny, except if your name is Andrew Sullivan. Will you pass me that wrench-thing.
"Sweet. Here comes the Shuttle. Hope they were able to score that case of Everclear."
CNN is reporting that the joint NASA-Sully anal probe is ready.
The Man said...
In the vacuum of space, no one can hear you fart. Pfffffff
***Uh, Endeavor? You DO know every transmission is monitored, right?***
"I just pissed in my suit -- 0 Gee Whiz"
All you ISS are belong to us
"Tap your foot all you want, but i'm afraid I can't do that for you Dave."
"Dude, if you say 'Danger, Will Robinson' one more time, I'm gonna cut yer air hose."
"Gesundheit!"
"...and they said a chubby ginger-haired boy in Des Moines could NEVER get off the ground - HA!"
Sully attempts to line up for a rearentry on Florida.
Dude! If you sing 'Oklahoma' again on the next orbit you're getting jettisoned...
"Cap'n Cap'n, I can not gih it oop, I gotta have Thutty minutes."
(RIP James Doohan)
"Houston,we're getting some cross-talk up here... Something about obstructing a view of Venus and an Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator. Please advise, over."
"Wow, Uranus does have rings."
"Weren't the inhabitants of this planet aware of the plans for the hyperspace bypass?
"I'm only a South Carolina high school graduate. Can anyone point out the United States for me?"
"Yes, Ground Control, my name is Major Thomas Smith... I've taken my protein pills and my helmet is secure... and that joke got real old about 10 transmissions ago."
"So is this a bad time to talk about my raise?"
ORA:
Crap! Doesn't Lt. Riley know another Irish song?
..and dispensing with a couple of CapThis! classics:
"Where will you be when your laxative kicks in?"
"Jeff, do you ever get that 'not-so-fresh' feeling?"
Captain; we're getting a weak signal. It sounds something like "Mars needs wymyn?"
"Wow Balthazar - you really have a way with that robot arm..."
Prepair ship, for Ludicrous speed.
Fasten all seat belts. Seal all enterances and exits. Lock all stores in the mall. Cancel the 3-ring circus. Secure all animals in the zoo...
"Berkeley?... I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Mornin' Sub!
"Time to focus the solar lens on James and Babs to wish them a 'Happy 9/11'."
"I hate service calls from Global Dynamics, Eureka."
(OJA)
"220, 221, Whatever it takes."
"Don't laser me, Bro"
Mornin' Rodney!
I think I can see my house from here.
Where you have to ride after saying, "I'm not touching you," continously for 3 hours.
G' Afternoon SOTG
I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, Dave, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission, and I want to help you.
Afternoon to one and all.
Construction of the Haliburton Death Star was right on schedule and funded by the 'War for Oil' All of exhaust ports would come with twin deflector force fields to prevent against X-Wing pilots who were "strong with the Force."
Construction of the Haliburton Death Star was right on schedule and funded by profits from the 'War for Oil.' All of the exhaust ports would come with twin deflector force fields to protect against X-Wing pilots who were "strong with the Force."
(VTK... delete the previous comment)
There may be a problem, Houston.
It looks like, uhhh, you probably won't believe this...
I think every dolphin in the oceans is leaving the planet...
No I HAVEN'T been drinking!
"Very funny Jack, now give me back my air hose."
"You know, after crewing on the Daedalus to Atlantis, this is really a step backwards for me."
“Open the stall door, Hal.”
Pod Doors – Not Global Wars
“The Mexican Aeronautics and Space Administration is on the line. They’re looking for a Chevy they launched last month.”
The first husband and wife fight in space. He is bent out of shape because she knocked the mirror off the module when she backed it into the bay.
"Then we flip this switch, and wallah, no more Howard Stern broadcasts!"
"Dude, tell me you did not just lock the keys inside."
With California's ubiquitous "nanny laws", it's very difficult to find a place to smoke.
The experiment requiring extreme precision, Commander Smith carefully adds the Mentos to the liter of Coca Cola.
"Cool, now let's go screw with the CurrentTV, Bravo, and Sundance channel satellites."
"...and when we cross these wires we'll be able to do the Kessel run in 11 Parsecs.
"What? All these parts have to be returned to China because they were made with lead paint?"
"No Tim, I don't wanna join the 200-mile high club."
"Jones, if you hadn't noticed, we are in an isolated, vaccuum environment with new, prototype spacesuits... For the love of God, when you want my attention, please don't go 'PSSSSSST!'"
The new, rigorous criteria to be an astronaut included intense physical training, manual dexterity, and the ability to read V the K's verification words.
"Ahmadinnerjacket wants to visit Ground Zero?... Well, with our new fusion cannon, we'll give him his own."
When spamming becomes criminal:
C:/Enter coordinates...
C:/10'30'102
C:/Processing...
C:/Accepted
C:/Enter time to launch...
C:/ RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL! RON PAUL!
"I know you're a fan, but should we really be risking our lives just so you can paint 'Galactica' out here?"
Guys will do pretty much anything for a little Tang.
SOTG: The word you're looking for is voila, not wallah.
Sorry the writer and editor in me came out briefly. I will rectify the situation with a completely tasteless cap this shortly.
*end of transmission*
So, then, the crazy bitch puts on a diaper, grabs some mace and drives from Texas to Florida. I'm kinky and all and she had a great ass, but the diaper ... sort of ruined it for me. Yeah, that and the psycho thing.
Why can't the UPS man put the package closer to the front porch? This is ridiculous.
Does this space suit make my butt look big?
*another comment from the first husband/wife team in space*
If you just would have stopped and asked directions from that nice cosmonaut, we might not be floating around aimlessly in God knows where.
*yet another from the husband and wife team in space*
I told you to have the oil changed every 3,000 miles. But, noooo. Now, look at us. We're stuck here making repairs.
*one more husband/wife in space comment*
Yet another husband/wife cap: "I know you just finished reinstalling it, but I'm just not happy with the module there, either. Let's see how it looks on this port over here..."
Hey Capitan, whatever you do, don't look down.
Yet another husband/wife cap: "Aha! So THIS is where you've been hiding your pr()n stash!"
"Uh, Bill? Wasn't this module attached to the rest of the station just a minute ago?"
"Man, the Cylons have got this thing frakked up but good."
"Admiral Adama, I know we finally found Earth, but you need to know that here they put dogs in bikini bottoms, let ducks talk on the radio, and are about to elect a shrill, male hating hag President. Let's get the frak out of here and take our chances with the Cylons."
“Roger, Houston. I can see the gaping hole from up here. Over.”…“Can you fix it?”…“Negative, Houston. I don’t think anything can fix Rosie O'Donnell. Over.”
This is the funniest collection of caps on CT EVER! Thanks for the laffs!
[Curious Onlurker]
"Dammit, Cliff, I still can't get all of Rosie's chins in the frame. We better head on out another three parsecs and try again. Scrivner's waiting on this pic for the inside dust jacket photo."
"Hang on, I see the problem now. Yeah there it is. WTF? Looks like a turban. Wait a minute, is that a beard? Gah, Dale! Do you smell something like a cross between patchouli and camel funk?"
"Mmmm-hmmm. Tretarian combustion manifold is shot... Mmmm-hmmm. Looka there, you got a crack in the safety cylinder for the Photon guidance system. Oh, yep. Lookit. The hydrollic flifteg stabilizer looks like it hasn't been changed in a coon's age. Yep, yep. It's gonna cost you a preeeetty penny to get this baby back into hyperspace."
OK, button up the side and I'll paint the UPS logo on her and we're ready for trans-Lunar shipments.
Keep your diapers on, Houston. This is only gonna take a couple a more minutes...
"That's the LAST time we let the gorram Reavers on board."
ORA: "No I'm not gonna pose for your stupid logo. Who wants to watch a channel made up of nothing but 'music videos' anyway?"
"Okay, okay, I promise! No more disco. Now let me back in."
Sure and begorrah, here be the tribble...
USA, 2010: Getting an appointment to see a Primary Health Care physician under President Rodham’s Universal Health Care Plan becomes increasingly difficult.
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