Saturday, September 22, 2007

Land of Lincoln

(UPI Photo/Alexis C. Glenn)


1. "Hey babe, wanna check out my log... cabin?"

2. When the Fox Network perfected a working time machine, it was used to create a reality show that connected great historical figures with high-class Asian hookers called Another Slant on American History. Dawn's head was never seen again.

3. This week in history, 1858: An inter-racial couple is barred from Robert Byrd's high school prom.

4. Occasionally, even Shorpy is taken in by fauxtography.

5. "I'm not gay!" Lincoln would protest after being busted in the MSP airport restroom. "This gawdam Marfan's syndrome just gives me a really, really wide stance!"

BTW: Exceptionally good round this time, dudes (and Army of Mom)

Best of Rodney Dill
Weekend at Abe's

Best of Jack Reacher
Asian reporter Trish Takanawa asks Lincoln to "emancipate me, Baby!"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
I don't know how Connie and Maury do it, but I guess they're happy.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Highlander's Rule #1 for Immortals:
Update your wardrobe with the times.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
As a Republican, I can only offer my sincere gratitude for everything this man did... Including helping Kirk, Spock, and Surak fight off those bad guys on the lava-rock creature planet.

Best of prince of leaves
"I respectfully request of you to keep your hand away from my hand, young Oriental temptress, lest my dear wife become agitated and work herself into yet another preverbal lather."

Best of prince of leaves
"Four score and seven hours ago, your airline brought forth into this terminal a flight delay, conceived in cynicism and dedicated to the proposition that your passengers are at your mercy."

Best of curly
“There’s no need to bribe me, Ms. Hsu. I’m no longer President, and besides, I’m a wax figure.”

Best of curly
“Shouldn’t you be working on the railroad, all the live long day?”

Best of curly
"I personally believe that, uh, four score and seven years ago, U.S. Americans are, uh, brought forth on this, in our nation on a map, and, uh, I believe that our such as conceived in Liberty as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and I believe that they should, and dedicated to the proposition, over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., er, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we that all men are created equal, and such as, er, will be able to build up our future for our children."

47 comments:

CJ said...

Hey, Ming Lee, did you notice all of the pics in the banner imply anal penetration? Just sayin'...

Rodney Dill said...

Weekend at Abe's

Rodney Dill said...

Me love you long time... Honest.

Rodney Dill said...

"So just what's the big deal about this Lincoln bedroom?"

Jack Reacher said...

Asian reporter Trish Takanawa asks Lincoln to "emancipate me, Baby!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Thank you, Bill and Ted, for that... unusual report."

Son Of The Godfather said...

At the stage actors convention, something "popped" into Abe's head at the 'John Wilkes' booth.

Ah, shaddup... It's the only way I could work it. ;)

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Just sit here silently and smile, Mr. President, while they take that unfortunate M.I.T. girl away..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

It's hard not to get chicks when you're on both a coin AND a bill.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Good Lord, my flight was due over four score and seven minutes ago!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I'm sorry, Mr. President, I'm a big fan... but with the beard, you triggered our profile flag... shoes please."

Son Of The Godfather said...

I don't know how Connie and Maury do it, but I guess they're happy.

Son Of The Godfather said...

To counter Ahmadinejad's propoganda photo op in New York, saavy American's enlisted the assistance of Honest Abe to kick his ass at the airport.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Highlander's Rule #1 for Immortals:
Update your wardrobe with the times.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Annoyed by Min Li's clinging after their one night stand, Abe slips her a fake business card... the one with his "Gettysburg" address.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Whoah... I ate WAY too much cheese last night!"...
from Lincoln's Constipation Proclamation.

Son Of The Godfather said...

TSA: "Sir, may I have your name, and the airline you'll be travelling with today?"

"Lincoln, Continental."

Son Of The Godfather said...

As a Republican, I can only offer my sincere gratitude for everything this man did... Including helping Kirk, Spock, and Surak fight off those bad guys on the lava-rock creature planet.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Japanese tourists got a kick out of posing with Ablahand Rincon.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I can't believe I left my hat in the overhead."

...and a bonus blast from the past referenced above. :)

prince of leaves said...

"I respectfully request of you to keep your hand away from my hand, young Oriental temptress, lest my dear wife become agitated and work herself into yet another preverbal lather."

prince of leaves said...

"Four score and seven hours ago, your airline brought forth into this terminal a flight delay, conceived in cynicism and dedicated to the proposition that your passengers are at your mercy."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Abe, look at that nice, Muslim TSA agent frisking that nefarious looking nun..."

Double The U said...

"Oh Abe, look at them up there, let's let the slaves go free."
It wasn't really Abe's idea, he was just pussywhiped.

Anonymous said...

Help me... Spock...

the paperboy said...

After we got you fixed up on Rozerem, The Beaver ran off with Sherri Tippie, and deep sea diver got hooked up with a mermaid, I had to get my own little China Girl.

curly said...

“Gimme some chin, Chung.”

curly said...

“…and I thought Al Gore was stiff and lifeless.”

curly said...

“Shouldn’t you be working on the railroad, all the live long day?”

curly said...

“So Mary Todd Lincoln was the first pain in the ass, hyphenated First Lady in the White House? How interesting! I thought it would have been Hillary Rodham Clinton.”

curly said...

“There’s no need to bribe me, Ms. Hsu. I’m no longer President, and besides, I’m a wax figure.”

curly said...

A post from the DailyKos: “Let’s put a wick into him, light it, and watch this homophobic/transphobic racist right-winger burn.”

curly said...

“Many things have changed, Mr. President. We hate the French and love the English, the slaves you freed have integrated with society, and we now have 50 states…But -- the Arabs are still a pain in the ass.”

curly said...

“Your face is on both the penny and the dollar -- but with copper soaring and the dollar shrinking, it won’t be long before a penny is worth more than a dollar!”

curly said...

“Silky Pony sends his regards and recommends removing the facial hair, exfoliating with an organic cucumber scrub, rhinoplasty, and blonde hair dying with auburn brown streaks, following a distinctive coif from Christof’s on Upper West Pine.”

curly said...

“I’m here to serve a lawsuit on behalf of Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, the NAACP, et al. They say that although you got shot in the head for your troubles and many white boys died on the behalf of their ancestors, you did not fight the war on slavery aggressive enough and are thereby personally liable for reparations.”

Son Of The Godfather said...

curly said...
“Your face is on both the penny and the dollar -- but with copper soaring and the dollar shrinking, it won’t be long before a penny is worth more than a dollar!”

Curly, check your bills... The dollar has some ugly chick that looks like the Quaker Oats guy on it... Lincoln's the "cinco" man. :)

curly said...

The Gettysburg Address, rewritten by Noam Chomsky and Arianna Huffington: Four score and seven years ago, dead white male establishment authority figures brought forth on this continent, a racist/homophobic/transphobic/Islamophobic nation, misconceived in misery and tyranny, and dedicated to the proposition that all sheeple are equally screwed by the military/industrial/capitalist government.

SOTG: My bad! Barabar Bush is on the dollar; my hero Abe's on the fiver!

Silhouette said...

"Lincoln, Continental."

Darn you, SOTG, you pre-capped me! Although I was going to go for the charades angle.

Silhouette said...

"The McMichaels keep bragging about how they stole those ashtrays from the Contemporary Resort. Well, wait till they get a load of our Disney souvenir."

curly said...

"I personally believe that, uh, four score and seven years ago, U.S. Americans are, uh, brought forth on this, in our nation on a map, and, uh, I believe that our such as conceived in Liberty as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and I believe that they should, and dedicated to the proposition, over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., er, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we that all men are created equal, and such as, er, will be able to build up our future for our children."

prince of leaves said...

"Now look in the mirror here, Mr. Kerry. See? The beard doesn't do anything to alleviate the stain of your humiliating loss to Chimpy McBushhitler, any more than it did for Al Gore."

Army of Mom said...

Lincoln does his best Bill Clinton impersonation complete with a bimbo, albeit one beside him and not yet in his lap.

Army of Mom said...

Welcome to Asian bathhouse, Mr. President. You look waxy. You need massage. Want happy ending?

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

Dammit, I said "I want to see Robert E. Lee," not "Roberta Li!" Chase, can't you get anything right?

wacha said...

"ok, you already took your pic with the president, now back to work in the rail"

Kaptain said...

"I may have freed the slaves, but I'm keeping this one here." Patrick gets into his role just a little bit too much.