Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Into the Turf, Scum Queen


1. It may seem harsh, but it's the only way she's going to learn not to pee on the pitch.

2. "Call Me. (signed) Hillary"

3. ORA: "This tastes like a hybrid, a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia."

4. In DNC Soccer Action, Hillary's "Turf Munchers" wiped the floor with John Edwards "Limp-Wristed Sissy Boys."

5. Suddenly, Ellen was reminded of her wild one-night fling with the vegan brownie girl.

Best of Chrees
Lay There Like Posh

Best of Brian_in_MA
Soccer throughout History: "Madness? This is SPARTA!"

Best of curly
“…In other news, a young girl was thrown from a crashed taxi and on to a soccer field...”

Best of curly
“Yuck! Centaur poop!”

Best of curly
“Thank goodness for my new ‘Sniff-and-Find’ contact lenses” said the very near sighted Sally.

Best of The Man
Kobe, I'm opemmmgffffff

Best of The Man
Lindsey Lohan was soon off the Mountain Oaks Rehab soccer team after snorting the entire midfield line.

Best of curly
The call to prayer came at an awkward time for Fatima.

Best of Army of Mom
Susie was preparing early on to give her children the Catholic mommy guilt. Go ahead, walk all over me, she was often heard repeating.

Best of Army of Mom
Coach found it harder and harder to instruct his special needs team members.

Best of Army of Mom
Coach made a note to cancel the pre-game yoga meditations when Sally got stressed and started assuming positions that were probably not appropriate in the middle of the game.

Best of Army of Mom
Sally, hot on the scent of lusty lesbo soccer players couldn't resist the urge to track them and pounce.

Best of duke of red
Sally, having lost all use of her arms and legs, was reduced to using her teeth to pull herself around the soccer field.

Best of Submariner
World cup players are generally cranky when someone shows up with any brand but Vodaphone...

32 comments:

Chrees said...

Movie remakes:

When Nike met Adidas
Lay There Like Posh

Brian_in_MA said...

Soccer throughout History: "Madness? This is SPARTA!"

curly said...

“…In other news, a young girl was thrown from a crashed taxi and on to a soccer field...”

curly said...

“Yuck! Centaur poop!”

curly said...

Life is as hard at the Hilldog’s Intern Bootcamp.

curly said...

“…and the Cocks went on to win the game 5 to 0.”

curly said...

The Hilldog’s intern’s thought bubble: “If I keep digging lower and lower, I may come up with another talking point for my stern Mistress.”

curly said...

“Thank goodness for my new ‘Sniff-and-Find’ contact lenses” said the very near sighted Sally.

The Man said...

Kobe, I'm opemmmgffffff

The Man said...

Lindsey Lohan was soon off the Mountain Oaks Rehab soccer team after snorting the entire midfield line.

Jack Reacher said...

While considered essential in pro golf, the idea of caddies in soccer never quite caught on.

curly said...

The call to prayer came at an awkward time for Fatima.

Army of Dad said...

Even though the looks like natural grass I guess it is really carpet.

the doyle said...

"If there's grass on the field..."

Capt. Queeg said...

"Hey! I really am crushing your head!"

Army of Mom said...

So, Eva, this is what I will look like while pleasuring you. Satisfied, no?

Army of Mom said...

Susie was preparing early on to give her children the Catholic mommy guilt. Go ahead, walk all over me, she was often heard repeating.

Army of Mom said...

Coach couldn't understand the huge attendance by the boys at the university, but he was pleased nonetheless.

Army of Mom said...

COACH: Sally, I meant keep your eye on the ball figuratively!

Army of Mom said...

Coach found it harder and harder to instruct his special needs team members.

Army of Mom said...

Sally took Sheniqua's playing advice of being on a the "down low" a little too literally.

Army of Mom said...

Coach made a note to cancel the pre-game yoga meditations when Sally got stressed and started assuming positions that were probably not appropriate in the middle of the game.

Army of Mom said...

Dan was disappointed when the rufies he slipped Sally took effect the day after the party.

However, Lisa the Lesbo on the soccer team was quite pleased. Yes, quite pleased.

Army of Mom said...

The frat boys in the bleachers high-fived one another when they learned their experiment subjects responded as trained to the cheers of 'munch that carpet.' Professor Smith's lessons on Pavlov had never gotten such strong attention before.

Army of Mom said...

Oh dear, Bob, I thought when Sally called, she said she thought she was a thespian. This is worse than I thought.

Army of Mom said...

Sally suddenly realized that she was a hunting dog in a previous life. She also realized why she liked it when her sex partners called her a b!tch.

Army of Mom said...

After the game, Sally was approached by the circus for a job as the human pretzel.

Army of Mom said...

Sally, hot on the scent of lusty lesbo soccer players couldn't resist the urge to track them and pounce.

duke of red said...

Sally, having lost all use of her arms and legs, was reduced to using her teeth to pull herself around the soccer field.

sonicfrog said...

Oh, so THAT'S what they mean when they say "Bend it like Beckham"!

Submariner said...

Evidently, Reynaldo didn't take too kindly to having HIS balls taking a "header."

Submariner said...

World cup players are generally cranky when someone shows up with any brand but Vodaphone...