Friday, September 28, 2007

Engage!

The Telegraph

1. "Jean-Luc, why do all of your holodeck fantasies end with Wesley Crusher lying face down on the deck in a pool of his own blood?"

2. "I tried, Beverly, but the Klingon Super-Vibra-Stud is simply wedged far too deeply in Ensign Sullivan's a$$."

3. Ewwww! Looks like Patrick Stewart just went all "Planned Parenthood" on the Vagina Monologues.

4. "I've got more firecrackers if you've got more hamsters."

5. "I guess ripping out Jonathan Frakes's still-beating heart with my bare hands and showing it to him isn't as much fun as I supposed it would be."


Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Damnit Worf, when I said 'fire at will', I did NOT mean Commander Riker!"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
He wasn't sure if it was the untapped power or her penchant for human brains, but Xavier knew Jean Grey would eventually be trouble.

Best of The Man
Oh gawdd...who let Keifer Sutherland drive the school bus full of anemic kittens? Oh the humanity.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Beverly, do you ever feel... you know, not so fresh?"

Best of Whacko
Patrick Stewart, tired of that liberal nappy-headed Whoopie Goldberg on his show, finally takes matters into his own hands. And there was MUCH rejoicing.

Best of Submariner
"Well, I guess you're right, Data. There really IS more than one way to skin a cat. Sorry about Spot"

Best of prince of leaves
"Umm, Beverly? I'm having second thoughts about agreeing to help you deliver Data and the Borg Queen's hybrid baby."

Best of prince of leaves
"Whoa, who are you, how did I get here, and how did we end up with the blood of that smelly Ferengi hooker all over us?"

Best of Army of Mom
It isn't what it looks like? I was ... um ... removing her Borg implants.

Best of Army of Mom
I told those damn carolers to stop singing outside the office of Scrooge and Marley. But did they listen? Noooo.

Best of Submariner
...and I recommend Placenta Helper™ from SNL Industries next Wednesday...

Best of Gregory
Restiance is futile...also messy. Sorry, Ensign Lynch

19 comments:

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Damnit Worf, when I said 'fire at will', I did NOT mean Commander Riker!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

He wasn't sure if it was the untapped power or her penchant for human brains, but Xavier knew Jean Grey would eventually be trouble.

The Man said...

Oh gawdd...who let Keifer Sutherland drive the school bus full of anemic kittens? Oh the humanity.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Well Guinan, you said you wanted to experience my "Dixon Hill" holodeck program. Shame about the safety overides breaking down..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Beverly, do you ever feel... you know, not so fresh?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Q pushes Picard too far: "Omnipotent, my ass."

Whacko said...

Patrick Stewart, tired of that liberal nappy-headed Whoopie Goldberg on his show, finally takes matters into his own hands.

Submariner said...

"Well, I guess you're right, Data. There really IS more than one way to skin a cat. Counselor Troy - now let's see about your hypothesis that 'what goes up, must come down'..."

Submariner said...

"What have I done?" I have settled the 'Best Captain; Kirk or Picard?' question once and for all, Deana, THAT'S what I've done...

prince of leaves said...

"Umm, Beverly? I'm having second thoughts about agreeing to help you deliver Data and the Borg Queen's hybrid baby."

prince of leaves said...

Over time the more mundane pleasures of Raisa grew stale, and Picard sought more sublime (and bloodier) entertainments in the pleasure planet's darker quarters.

prince of leaves said...

"Whoa, who are you, how did I get here, and how did we end up with the blood of that smelly Ferengi hooker all over us?"

Army of Mom said...

It isn't what it looks like? I was removing her Borg implants.

Army of Mom said...

I told those damn carolers to stop singing outside the office of Scrooge and Marley. But did they listen? Noooo.

Submariner said...

Let's just put it this way - Smurf Village won't be bothering Castle Gargamel anymore...

Submariner said...

...and I recommend Placenta Helper™ from SNL Industries next Wednesday...

Double The U said...

Well officer, it depends on what your definition of is is.

Submariner said...

Dammit, Logan; how many times do I have to tell you not to "scratch Cyclops' back" that way?"

Gregory said...

Restiance is futile...and messy.