1. "Oh, no, Chelsea... not you too!" Another Chappaqua maiden is about to be deflowered.
2. "Damn, my Stepford wife is stuck in 'Macarena' mode."
3."All right, Darren's out the door, and Tabitha's at pre-school, time to zap myself to Chippendale's."
4. "Why yes, Jack Keruouac and Allen Ginsburg stopped by. How can you tell? What smell?"
5. "Sorry, Billy, you know the penalty for leaving a glass on the sink... five hours in the sweatbox."
Best of Jack Reacher
"You can have my book of Green Stamps when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers."
Best of Whacko
"OK, UPS brought my vibrator. Now, where can I hide it so the kids wont find it?"
Best of Double the U
Mary was traumatized when another supporter of Ron Paul tried telling her how wonderful he is.
Best of Cassandra
Wiping away a tear, Mary remembered good old days before John Roberts was confirmed and women were once again chained to their Easy Bake ovens, condemned to churn out endless batches of pink frosted cupcakes for fat, freckled screaming brats. If only she'd listened to Ted Kennedy...
Best of Submariner
Is that a wv or a vvv? a cl or a d? Darn you V. the K. and your verification words; darn you to heck!
Best of prince of leaves
Thought bubble: "I'll just have to fix the leak myself -- if I call a plumber, he's going to find all the dead Fuller Brush salesmen in the crawlspace."