Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Hey Kids! It's Phil the Syphillis Sore!
1. Kellogs's least popular mascot ever.
2. Advances in science have enabled us to capture photographic images of Lindsay Lohan's DT's.
3. "As soon as 'Andy the Anal Wart' 'Harry the Herpes Lesion' and 'Gary the Oozing Gonorrhea Pustule' get here, we can go teach Barack Obama's kindergarten sex ed class."
4. Sully tsk-tsked. "Those white tennis shoes kind of ruin it for me. Don't you have any thigh-waders?"
5. "Well, we used to be the Cleveland Indians, until the ACLU sued us for using a racially insensitive name. Now, we're the Cleveland Barebackers, and Phil is our proud mascot."
Best of Double the U
One of President Bush's recently removed polyps is seen leaving the hospital.
Best of Silhouette
"Mommy, why is Testicle Man so angry?"
Best of Jack Reacher
Many popular consumer products use mascots in their advertising, although most people were unaware that Preparation H used one.
Best of Son Of The Godfather
It was obvious that Sammy Cyst wouldn't make it past the first round of So You Want To Be A Fruit-Of-The-Loom Guy?...
Best of The Man
Hamas Middle School - 1st Grade
Kids, this is what a jew looks like. Any questions?
Best of Van Helsing
The surgical removal of Lindsey Lohan's vaginal growth was only the beginning of the crisis.
Best of attmay
Taken from a brochure for Hair Club for Whammies.
Best of jeff
Oddly, raspberry sales fell sharply when this mascot was revealed.