Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Hell's Nurse


1. 2010: President Clinton visits one of her many re-education facilities and visits a newly lobotomized Conservative. "I love Big Sister!"

2. We've replaced Tamanda's morphine drip with pure heroin, let's see if she notices.

3. "What's she in for? Partial Birth abortion? Can I hold the tongs?"

4. "Tawanda, you are a perfect tissue match and I need that liver. So, I've got to take it away from you for the common good."

5. "I'm so sorry Tawanda. I should have lubed the strap-on before I penetrated you."



Best of Army of Dad
Brave Lashanda here will be the first to die under my universal healthcare plan.

Best of duke of red
*Gasp!! "M..miss hillary! You be standin' on my buh..buh..breathin' tube!"

Best of duke of red
Hillary: "Dammit, Bill, get out from under the covers!!"

Best of The Man
Welcome to socialized medicine. Your doctor will be here any month now.

Best of Van Helsing
LaTwalanda is recovering nicely after having seen Shrillary expose herself in the ladies' room.

Best of Double the U
Like this? This will be the last time any of you see any hospital this good.

Best of Submariner
"...and since they's on'y one freakin' doctor available under the new plan, Mr. Clinton here is providin' fried chicken and watermelon til my turn comes up."

Best of Rodney Dill
"No nurse! I meant a Saltine."

Best of curly
Shortly after the hungry Tawanda yelled for a “cracker, bitch” to the duty nurse, Hilldog turned up.

Best of ThatGayConservative
"Do you know what this means for the firm? The billable hours? I can finally build that lakehouse and I'll run around naked all day. HA!HA! Dangly parts."

45 comments:

Army of Dad said...

Brave Lashanda here will be the first to die under my universal healthcare plan. We did find some low cost coke to dull the pain, thus the smile.

duke of red said...

And finally, Number One in our countdown of "Pictures That Ought To Scare the Hell Outta You...."

Army of Dad said...

Yes I do know John Edwards, were you in a car accident? He got that one gal $300,000.

duke of red said...

*Gasp!! "M..miss hillary! You be standin' on my buh..buh..breathin' tube!"

duke of red said...

Hillary: "So tell me again how Bush caused your accident?"

duke of red said...

Hillary trumps her opponents by finding an even smaller minority. Black, female, AND crippled.

duke of red said...

Hillary: "Dammit, Bill, get out from under the covers!!"

The Man said...

Welcome to socialized medicine. Your doctor will be here any month now.

duke of red said...

It was only fitting that the next photo-op with Hill was taken in the morgue.

duke of red said...

Hillary: "I ain't no ways ti-yerd... But this b1tch is!"

duke of red said...

"U.S. out of my Uterus!" Tawanda had no problem, however, with letting Hillary in there.

jeff said...

"Why yes, I'm proud to be the first patient under HillaryCare(tm). But what was that about not having any morphine?"

Van Helsing said...

LaTwalanda is recovering nicely after having seen Shrillary expose herself in the ladies' room.

Shayne said...

"Under HillaryCare, I will personally tend to every patient" (because there won't be any doctors left in the country).

Double the U said...

Like this? This will be the last time any of you see any hospital this good.

ThatGayConservative said...

Doctor: "Congratulations Tawanda. The Hillary-ectomy from your ass was a complete success!"

First they televise giant tumor surgeries, now they have the patients pose with it afterward.


Sidenote: Is'nt that a maternity top Hillary is wearing? Whatever it is, it's an aweful color. Somebody dresses Hillary funny.

Submariner said...

Tired of all the Cap This! entries about her clenis, Hilldog has a photo-op chat up with her uterus donor before surgery.

Submariner said...

Lakeisha, you need to hear two words before you speak to the press about our little "accident."
Vince Foster.

Submariner said...

"...and since they's on'y one freakin' doctor available under the new plan, Mr. Clinton here is providin' fried chicken and watermelon til my turn comes up."

Submariner said...

Following her stunning defeat by Ron Paul and abject rejection by the American public in the '08 election, Hillary enters the next phase of her life as a Craftmatic Bed spokesman when we return to E! True Stories after this message from Massengills.

Submariner said...

Latoya - do you ever get that "not so fresh" feeling? You should...

Rodney Dill said...

patient: "I'm not a real patient, but I did sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night...... with Bill."

Rodney Dill said...

"Yes I think Obama's wife is swell too... No I haven't met her... could we just..."

David Simon said...

"I hear that leg hair turns black men on. What about you, sister?"

David Simon said...

"I didn't say you should be napping, Heddi. I said, you sure be nappy headed."

David Simon said...

"I'm really sorry that your purse was stolen Mrs. Clinton...hey, why are you ripping the covers off of me bitch!"

Rodney Dill said...

"No nurse! I meant a Saltine."

Submariner said...

HEY! Can one of you nurses get this fashion disaster out of my room before Providence hits it with a lightning bolt and fries my a$$ in the process?

curly said...

Shortly after the hungry Tawanda yelled for a “cracker, bitch” to the duty nurse, Hilldog turned up.

curly said...

Double entendre alert: "Can I get you anything, Bus Station Skank?”

curly said...

“Sho is nice of you to visit my ass, Miss Hilary!” Tamanda never understood that she was in the driver’s seat until the election.

curly said...

“Bring the troops home now! One of them has to be the father of my baby!”

curly said...

“So Hilldog, the purpose of your maternity smock is to signify that the prolonged gestation period of the socialist/marxist state ends in a mere 17 months?”

curly said...

“So exactly how are penicillin shots for syphilis covered under your Hillary Care?”

curly said...

“I came to visit CJ in the next room. He got hurt a couple of months ago when I filled out his nametag incorrectly.”

curly said...

“So if Bill was da First Black President and you was his wife, den why is you still some evil white bitch?”

ThatGayConservative said...

Latoya - do you ever get that "not so fresh" feeling? You should...

"You know, like that scene in The Shining when the elevator doors opened."

ThatGayConservative said...

Sorta ORA: "Do you know what this means for the firm? The billable hours? I can finally build that lakehouse and I'll run around naked all day. HA!HA! Dangly parts."

Army of Dad said...

Despite the XXL top Hillary still manages to look hippy.

Capt. Queeg said...

ORA:
"If Mr. McMurphy doesn't want to take his medication orally, I'm sure we can arrange that he can have it some other way. But I don't think that he would like it."

"Fo' shizzle!"

Submariner said...

same source ORA"

Who's the head bull-goose loony around here?

Submariner said...

This top? Dawn took me "shopping" at Old Navy before we stopped here to visit Bush, er, Katrina victims...

captainobvious said...

hillarys attempts to change actions and dialects have gone mostly unnoticed by the MSM. but its going to be pretty hard after she pretended to die in her hospital visit.

"dont worry I will make those evil oil companies pay for your medical bills. have you filled out your voter registration card?"

Anonymous said...

Sidenote: Is'nt that a maternity top Hillary is wearing? Whatever it is, it's an aweful color. Somebody dresses Hillary funny.

Somewhere a circus is missing its big top.

Paul Raposo said...

"Oh, Senator Clinton! Thanks to my HMO's comprehensive coverage, my weight loss surgery is covered. The doctors will amputate both my legs and I'll be 100 lbs lighter! God bless America!"