Thursday, August 23, 2007

Hello Nurse


1. "No, I've never performed neurosurgery before, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express."

2. "Now, just hold still, and as soon as we get those unsightly testicles removed, you'll be fit to work in the Hillary 2008 Campaign."

3. All was forgiven after John Edwards finally got a bare-chested Thursday babe he could get into.

4. "Last I remember, some fat bearded guy named Sully offered me a cocktail. Next thing I knew, I woke up naked in a U-Stor-It with a live gerbil shoved up my poop chute."

5. "You should know that next week, HillaryCare goes into effect. All the hot nurses will be fired. I personally will be replaced by the pot-smoking gargoyle from Tuesday."

Best of Rodney Dill
"You've just gotta live, I don't think I have room for a red 10 on my shirt."

Best of Whacko
"Where are you? You're in my parent's basement. Why do you ask? Now hold still while I cauterize that booger."

Best of Submariner
Saw IV had a bit lower budget and could only afford a Dremel Tool.

Best of Submariner
ORA: Actually, I was an exotic dancer before I came to New Quahog and got this gig as the dentist.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"OK, like, hold still, OK?... Like, I'm supposed to use one of these to take your temperature, and the other to take some other sorta numbers, I think... Hey, aren't you Josh from the football team? Like, I really enjoyed Friday's game! My friend Tisha was like 'Oh, you should like really ask him out already!' And i was like 'No way, Tish, He's too fine!' And she goes 'WAY! Just go for it' and I go "As IF!', then Tish totally goes off on me for..."
*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*

Best of captainobvious
Worst Abercrombie and Fitch cover picture ever.

Best of Double the U
Stop screaming, the doctor told me to make sure everything was sterile before he came in.

Best of curly
Although extreme safety precautions must be undertaken, nothing whitens your teeth like tainted, lead laced Chinese toothpaste.

Best of Jack Reacher
"They said we're supposed to dissect a pig, but that sounded pretty boring. So, I'm starting with you. Neat, huh?"

Best of Cybrludite
Note to self: Find out what town this is & get severely injured there.

Best of the doyle
I'll ask you once more...is she prettier than me?

Best of Kaptain
"Yick, smooth-chested men leave me clammy." The sad thing is, somebody will get this reference.

Somebody did - V

40 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

"You've just gotta live, I don't think I have room for a red 10 on my shirt."

Rodney Dill said...

"The number? Oh, as part of the Canadian health system subsidization program I play Forward on the Ottawa Snowbunnies hockey league, eh."

Rodney Dill said...

"OK, So next time I say you're the six, don't mess with me."

Whacko said...

Under Hillarycare, there was never any shortage of Young Republican cadavers for intern practice.

Whacko said...

"Where are you? You're in my parent's basement. Why do you ask? Now hold still while I cauterize that booger."

Submariner said...

I TOLD you nicely to put the lotion on, but noooooo, you wanted to be Mr. Badass...

Submariner said...

Saw IV had a bit lower budget and could only afford a Dremel Tool.

Submariner said...

As a matter of fact, I'm Gordie's grand-daughter. Now let me see if I can do for your teeth what I did fro Gramps'...

Submariner said...

ORA:

Actually, I was an exotic dancer before I came to New Quahog and got this gig as the dentist.

Submariner said...

Now ist der time at Schprockets vhen ve floss.

jeff said...

"Waitaminutehere - aren't I supposed to be sticking a pointy object into you?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"OK, like, hold still, OK?... Like, I'm supposed to use one of these to take your temperature, and the other to take some other sorta numbers, I think... Hey, aren't you Josh from the football team? Like, I really enjoyed Friday's game! My friend Tisha was like 'Oh, you should like really ask him out already!' And i was like 'No way, Tish, He's too fine!' And she goes 'WAY! Just go for it' and I go "As IF!', then Tish totally goes off on me for..."
*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*

"Doctor, we have another flatline here..."

Rodney Dill said...
"You've just gotta live, I don't think I have room for a red 10 on my shirt."


Excellent!

captainobvious said...

"so then I said, rectum? damn near killed em. Now hold still"

"I get the ear light, but whats up with the electric tooth brush?"

"Ill be done in a jiffy, I have a soriety flag football game in 20 minutes."

This has got to be the worst Abercrombie and Fitch cover picture ever.

Double the U said...

I am all strapped down, could you please get a lititle closer and lean over a lititle more?

Double the U said...

Stop screaming, the doctor told me to make sure everything was sterile before he came in.

curly said...

Joe’s idea of ‘oral action’ was drastically different from that of his dental hygienist girlfriend.

curly said...

Although extreme safety precautions must be undertaken, nothing whitens your teeth like tainted, lead laced Chinese toothpaste.

curly said...

Joe was such a potty mouth, his oral hygienist could be classified as a plumber.

curly said...

ORA: "Is it safe?"

curly said...

“The boys from ‘Queer Eye For The Straight Guy’ ordered a retinal transplant for you, figuring that blue irises would better match the soft chiffon scarf that you’ll soon be wearing.”

Jack Reacher said...

"They said we're supposed to dissect a pig, but that sounded pretty boring. So, I'm starting with you. Neat, huh?"

Jack Reacher said...

"Nurse, I need more duct tape, my eyes aren't quite covered."

curly said...

"Only nine of my patients have died so far."

Jack Reacher said...

The I.R.S. audit process, while significantly changed, can still be unnerving.

curly said...

“Soon I will have your nose, and you’ll be forced to wear a face mask instead of me!”

curly said...

The Hilldog’s token male intern undergoes a mandatory tongue implant/augmentation surgery.

Two-Sheds Gomer said...

On the new season of Showtime's "Dexter"...

curly said...

“My obsessive-compulsive nose picking has kept me from being a perfect 10, so I wear the gloves and mask to help me break the habit.”

curly said...

“…it’s code for ‘nein’ in German, which basically means ‘you ain’t getting any’, honey.”

Cybrludite said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cybrludite said...

Note to self: Find out what town this is & get severely injured there.

the doyle said...

I'll ask you once more...is she prettier than me?

David Simon said...

"Oh, you're a figure skater? Let me remove those restraints then; they won't be necessary for your colonic."

Submariner said...

ORA:

♪I thrill when I drill a bicuspid.
It's swell though they tell me I'm mal-ad-just-ed.♪

Submariner said...

ORA:

"Administer two-amp sodium bicarb, insert an airway. Start an IV: Lactate Ringer's. uhhhhh,
CRAP!
What did they tell Johny Gage to do next?"

Double the U said...

So Bobby, you thought it would be okay to cheat on me?

Kaptain said...

"Do your worst, Dr. Evil, I ain't talki.... Whoa, you're not Dr. Evil. Okay, I'm ready to talk now."

Kaptain said...

"I'm sorry, I'm not really looking at your chest. I'm just....er, uh, doing the vision part of these tests. Yeah, that's it. Vision part. Oh, no, I think I'm going blind. Can I practice my Braille reading *smack*. Right, gotcha."

Kaptain said...

"Yick, smooth-chested men leave me clammy."

The sad thing is, somebody will get this reference.

Paul Raposo said...

"And you know the Michale Moore movie, 'Sicko'? That's total bull. American health care kicks ASS! Whoooo!"