Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Hassled by the Man (No Offense to 'The Man')


1. "Well, it's gettin' on to sundown. Best get your ass outta Livonia, don't you think, boy?"

2. ORA: The Cigarette Smoking Man approaches a young Agent Kersh, and advises him to get his ass outta Livonia before sundown.

3. "OK, 'Willis,' Tony Cox is waiting in the limo. And remember, it's not 'Congressman Frank' it's 'Mr. Drummond.' Got it?"

4. "Excuse me, but Mr. Edwards saw your crutches and wanted to know if you were injured in a slip and fall incident."

5. "You shoulda known the Chargers would never beat the spread. Do you got the rest of the vig, or do I have to break your arms, too?"

Best of Double the U
So Al Sharpton gave you these crutches, a new plasma TV, all the money in that bag and a Xbox just for telling the press a bunch of white boys beat the hell out of you?

Best of The Man
All you dumb crackers seem to like Obama for no particular reason. I, myself, am more of a Lanakila Washington fan.

Best of Shayne
"No suh, Massa K. I sho dint tell nobody 'bout gettin' yo prom dress cleaned, suh."

Best of Submariner
As a courtesy, the DNC is now handing out blue nylon barf bags at the start of every debate...

Best of Submariner
OK, here's your thousand, so remember; when Cheney gets close you clutch his leg and fall down screaming "You got my daddy killed in Iraq!" And make DAMN sure you get away before a reporter asks who he was.

Best of Capt. Queeg
Finally. A post where a moron listens to a story and educates himself. Satisfied, Dawn?

Best of David Simon
The remake of Trading Places starring Harvey Keitel and Don Cheadle was a box office failure.

Best of Submariner
Sesame Street? Nope - don't know the way, but if you're interested we could take a little trip to Avalon Manor?

Best of Rodney Dill
"You... want... MORE!?!"

Best of Rodney Dill
"Ya shoulda known that baby could kick your ass."

21 comments:

Double the U said...

So Al Sharpton gave you these crutches, a new plasma TV, all the money in that bag and a Xbox if you just tell the press a bunch of white boys beat the hell out of you?

The Man said...

George Bush doesn't care about black people on crutches.

The Man said...

You can tell Sully that he has to find someone else to tie him up and pour olive oil on his privates, I quit.

The Man said...

All you dumb crackers seem to like Obama for no particular reason. I, myself, am more of a Lanakila Washington fan.

Shayne said...

"No suh, Massa K. I sho dint tell nobody 'bout gettin' yo prom dress cleaned, suh."

Submariner said...

As a courtesy, the DNC is now handing out blue nylon barf bags at the start of every debate...

Submariner said...

No Sambo; it's a "perk" for knowing me, not a "backpack for what I did to your butt."

Submariner said...

OK, here's your thousand, so remember; when Cheney gets close you clutch his leg and fall down screaming "You got my daddy killed in Iraq!" And make DAMN sure you get away before a reporter asks who he was.



That vaguely familiar sound? Just Dawn's cranial explosion...
again.

Submariner said...

Here ya go buddy. That nice Mr. Blake said it was a bag of self-respect that YOU needed more than him...

Capt. Queeg said...

Finally. A post where a moron listens to a story and educates himself. Satisfied, Dawn?

Army of Dad said...

*Mr. Burns voice*
"Excellent!"

David Simon said...

"I know I don't have to work because of child labor laws. I'm practicing for when I'm a grown up."

David Simon said...

The remake of Trading Places starring Harvey Keitel and Don Cheadle was a box office failure.

Submariner said...

Sesame Street? Nope - don't know the way, but if you're interested we could take a little trip to Avalon Manor?

curly said...

“Are your crutches a metaphor for the fact that the majority of African-Amerikkkans receive government handouts, or are you simply disabled?”

curly said...

Who the hell is Dawn?

Rodney Dill said...

"You... want... MORE!?!"

Rodney Dill said...

"Ya shoulda known that baby could kick your ass."

Submariner said...

"...so let this be a lesson; when Gang-Bangers sing ♪You deserve a break today,♪ they AREN'T planning on taking you to Micky D's."

Submariner said...

So, Joey, do you like gladiator films?

Paul Raposo said...

"And after Mrs. Bush ran me over, President Bush gave this bag of money. But when I got home I saw it was just shredded up newspaper."