Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Breaking News From 1994


1." Well Gretchen Carlson and Steve Doocy are dead. Anyone else wanna ask about my ugly ass shoes?"

2. "When Michael Vick asked me if I'd be into seeing 'some b1tches get their necks ripped out,' I thought he meant something else."

3. Juice completely restores his reputation and becomes a hero of the multicultural left by converting to Islam and declaring his murder of Nicole "an honor killing."

4. Sick, twisted, and poisonous... and the bonsai plant is also probably unhealthy.

5. "Yes, I did it. I made a million dollars in real estate. Now, I'm going to share with you my secret methods for making a killing in the cut-throat real estate investment industry, and getting away with it."

Best of metalgarth
Nice. Making fun of a morally bankrupt ex jock who killed his ex-wife and got away with it. Read his story. Educate yourself. Morons.

Best of Jack Reacher
O.J.'s guest spot as host on Frasier was less than successful, as his advice to every caller was simply "Kill the bitch!"

Best of duke of red
Send in now for this one time offer of our interest free Race Card, with no service charges on any purchase of gloves, sharp metal objects, and LA judges. Race Card. It saved my a$$. Let it save yours.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Maybe if we place a tranquil bonsai plant next to him, people will forget he turned Nicole into a Pez dispenser?"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Welcome back to Inside The Killer's Studio."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Dawn, your prom date's here!"

Best of Dwight's Writing Manifesto
Following on the modest success of the YouTube debates, six of the 42 democratic candidates took a chance on the iShank debate forum.

Best of Dwight's Writing Manifesto
"Look, caller, I know you sound really frustrated with your cheating spouse, but violence isn't always the answer. I can't give you any tips on how to get away with murder. Besides, Lady, if I recognize your voice correctly, you probably already used up your get-away-with-it luck on Vince Foster. Don't get greedy."

Best of Rodney Dill
"...and if you M----- F-----s don't give me my Heisman Trophy back I'm gonna twist your M----- F-----g dicks into the shape of the M----- F-----g Bonsai tree here."

Best of SnarkyOne
Is it me or does the bonsai look like it is trying to leave or avoid being looked at?

42 comments:

metalgarth said...

Magic Negro? Hell yeah I am! Watch me get away with killin' some uppity white woman again.

metalgarth said...

Nice. Making fun of a morally bankrupt ex jock who killed his ex-wife and got away with it. Read his story. Educate yourself. Morons.

Jack Reacher said...

"The lines are open, callers. We'll be back after a word from our sponsor, Ajax Cutlery."

Jack Reacher said...

O.J.'s guest spot as host on Frasier was less than successful, as his advice to every caller was simply "Kill the bitch!"

The Man said...

Next on the "Did It" section, we have Wilt Chamberlain. He did just about everyone.

The Man said...

Yes Mitt, I would love some fudge. Don't worry about slicing it, I brought a knife.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Ontday isspay offay O.J.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"...and I've tracked the real killer to this studio set. He's sitting right in this very chair... that I'm... sitting in..."

duke of red said...

Send in now for this one time offer of our interest free Race Card, with no service charges on any purchase of gloves, sharp metal objects, and LA judges. Race Card. It saved my a$$. Let it save yours.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Maybe if we place a tranquil bonsai plant next to him, people will forget he turned Nicole into a Pez dispenser?"

duke of red said...

"Welcome back to Lifestyles of the Rich and Murderous."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"And we're giving away a prize to the 10th caller... A slightly used Ford Bronco! This baby just keeps on going and going, and as a bonus, the carpeting has been cleaned multiple times!"

duke of red said...

Today's program is brought to you by Ginsu knives. Ginsu. For those pesky neck ligaments.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Welcome back to a special edition of I've Got A Secret..."

duke of red said...

Apparently, even if it does fit, you must still acquit.

duke of red said...

To SOTG: Secret, you say....

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Welcome back to Inside The Killer's Studio."

duke of red said...

OJ Simpson. Holding down the white woman (and cutting her throat) since 1994.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Getting away with murder, and not slinking away from the public eye?... Jeeeez, he's almost Kennedy worthy.

duke of red said...

OJ Simpson. Proof that even if you are a brilliant investigator, one slip of the "n" word trumps all evidence, motive, weak alibis...

Son Of The Godfather said...

A hundred bucks to the studio AV guy for substituting the book promo on the screen with the crime-scene photos.

duke of red said...

Ok, SoTG. You win. I got nothin' left... :)

Son Of The Godfather said...

"If the gloves don't fit, you're still a bloody murderer who will burn in hell for all eternity."

duke of red said...

Edit: Yes I do.

"Look, even his little bonsai tree is crooked"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Cool bonsai plant... I wonder why they didn't give O.J. any pruning shears?

lol @ Duke. ;)

Son Of The Godfather said...

After losing the civil suit to the Goldman family, O.J. shows off his new multimedia room to the press.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Dawn, your prom date's here!"

jeff said...

"I'd like to thank Marcia Clark, Christopher Darden, and, of course, Judge Lance Ito for where I am not today...."

Jay Guevara said...

"What are you lookin' at? Huh? Huh? You want some of this?"

Thought bubble: "I hope Johnnie is saving me that spot by the water cooler."

Dwight's Writing Manifesto said...

Following on the modest success of the YouTube debates, six of the 42 democratic candidates took a chance on the iShank debate forum.

Dwight's Writing Manifesto said...

"Look, caller, I know you sound really frustrated with your cheating spouse, but violence isn't always the answer. I can't give you any tips on how to get away with murder.

Besides, Lady, if I recognize your voice correctly, you probably already used up your get-away-with-it luck on Vince Foster. Don't get greedy."

Dwight's Writing Manifesto said...

"See the dog.

Do he bite?

Kill my landlord.

Kill my landlord."

Rodney Dill said...

"...and if you M----- F-----s don't give me my Heisman Trophy back I'm gonna twist your M----- F-----g dicks into the shape of the M----- F-----g Bonsai tree here."

SnarkyOne said...

Is it me or does the bonsai look like it is trying to leave or avoid being looked at?

SnarkyOne said...

OJ Simpson hosts the first episode of PBS's groundbreaking new series:
"Confessions Of Serial Killers"

Rodney Dill said...

"Hey waiter, there's a Mo Fo White Cracker in my soup."

Rodney Dill said...

gizzle fo' shizzle

Rodney Dill said...

This is not a criminal -- Rene' Magritte

Submariner said...

So you see kids, my case proves that the American justice system IS color-blind. It's equally possible for a rich black man to get away with murder as a rich white man.

Submariner said...

...and that why I recommend Isotoners...

Rodney Dill said...

If the jury is twits
they will acquit.

Rodney Dill said...

[...]
One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

[...]