1. "I don't know why I bother. All this cereal tastes the same."
2. "Hey, Linda Hamilton? I thought I'd run into you here. Yeah, everyone whose ever worked with James Cameron develops a neurotic OCD cleanliness fetish, but it will never erase the stain on your soul."
3. "Hey! Is that Winona Ryder on Aisle 4 stuffing Ty-D-Bowl in her pants? Hi, Winona!"
4. "Oh, no. The muzak is playing Beethoven's Ninth. I'm going to have to go all horrorshow on the next Wal-Mart greeter I see." Trailer from the new movie, A Clockwork Alba.
5. "Excuse me, what works better for getting female ejaculate stains off a satin pillowcase? Gain or Tide?"
Best of jeff
Jessica watches the collisions in the intersection with amusement as every male in the store rushes to help her...
Best of Jack Reacher
"Uh oh, Russell Crowe is in the phone section. Better get ready to duck."
Best of Capt. Queeg
"Aw Hell, here comes that Mr. Whipple again. Charmin's about the only thing that guy won't squeeze."
Best of The Man
Derek Jeter realized that he was the coolest man on earth when he was able to make Jessica Alba run to the local grocery store to pickup a box of tissues so she could come back and wipe the spooge off the bed covers.
Best of Double the U
If a woman uses a mop head for a tampon, it is good advice just to leave her alone.
14 comments:
Dark sunglasses, black baseball cap; when does a movie star every dress like that? I can't understand how they saw through my disguise.
"Hey, can I get a cute boy to bend down and put these back on the shelf?"
"Cleanup in cleaning products, cleanup in cleaning products."
Jessica watches the collisions in the intersection with amusement as every male in the store rushes to help her...
"Uh oh, Russell Crowe is in the phone section. Better get ready to duck."
"Aw Hell, here comes that Mr. Whipple again. Charmin's about the only thing that guy won't squeeze."
Derek Jeter realized that he was the coolest man on earth when he was able to make Jessica Alba run to the local grocery store to pickup a box of tissues so she could come back and wipe the spooge off the bed covers.
Jessica Alba was nice enough to run to the store for Nicole Richie:
-Diet pills
-Rubbing Alcohol
-Toilet paper
-Beer
-Tootbrush
-Hair Dye
What does this girl eat?
Tide and thighs wait for no man.
"'Scuse me, Jessica?... I just rented Honey, and well, first off, you were clothed the entire movie, and second, you did absolutely nothing with honey,. I call that false advertising."
OK, all you guys are on double-secret probation for insulting the future Mrs.SOTG!
Thus answering the age-old question, "Does the Invisible Woman Still Leave Skidmarks in her panties?"
"Uhm... Sure lady, I'll get the keys if you really want to rent the Rug Doctor, but given the Jetter stank radiating from those sweatpants, I think you may need to see a gynocologist instead."
♫ My girl, she's one too.
She'll go and get her a shirt.
Stick it under her skirt.
She grabbed a razor for me.
And she did it just like that.
When she wants something,
She don't want to pay for it. ♫
If a woman uses a mop head for a tampon, it is good advice just to leave her alone.
"Swiffer?" Sorry, Miss, but ol' Subby only takes long, leisurely drives, not trips to the Quickie Mart.
No, honey, I think that's gonna take more than a "Stain Stick."
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