1. "Excuse me, sir? Would you like to hear the good news of our Lord and Savior, Bill Gates?"
2. "And apparently, radiation from the monitor mutated my semen into a super-glue-like substance and now my hand is permanently attached to the CPU. Can you help?"
3. "Dude, Are you as baked as I am?"
4. 'Hi, I'm your future self. I traveled back in time to give you a dire warning. If you still want to have a penis when you're my age... assassinate Hillary NOW!"
5. "See if you can fix the problem with the power supply ... by the way, you people don't snoop around in customer's bookmarks do you?"
6. "I tried to do that 'Weird Science' thing and now there's a Barbie doll melted to the motherboard."
7. "By the way, if you should come across any pictures of eight year old Russian girls while restoring my hard drive... um, they're not mine and I have no idea how they got there."
8. "I keep it filled with tiny mice. I have no idea why."
9. "And if it's not too much to ask, would you mind re-installing Windows naked, greased, and wearing a ball-gag?"
10. "The computer works fine. I just wondered if you'd bite the head off a live chicken for my amusement?"
Best of Capt. Queeg
"..and then Jerry O'Connely points at Rebecca's t*ts like this and says, 'See, I told you it was cold in here.'"
Best of Zeke
"Inner voice" He likes me, I really think he likes me..
Best of Submariner
Here y'go, Barney. By the way, your "Bending Over the Pages" file is awesome! What did you say to add for a tip?
Best of captainobvious
Upon informing Pauli Walnuts his computer was fried pauli replied, "Let's whack this c*ck sucker and be done with it"
Best of Zeke
It's always weird meeting your anonymous hookup at their place of employment.
Best of andthenblammo!
"........And see, no matter how long I wait, no toast comes out! Can't anybody do ANYTHING right these days?"
Best of Silhouette
"Hi Phil, do you ever feel, you know, not so fresh?"
Best of Rodney Dill
"Yessir... I even fixed the cup holder for ya."
Best of Kaptain
"Geek Squad" - finally, truth in advertising!
Best of curly
“As a diagnosed obsessive compulsive, I find myself vigorously wiping it down with just one square of toilet paper, every afternoon from 4 to 5PM.”
Best of Jack Reacher
"I want to exchange it for an iPhone, 'cause I hear those can do anything, even shrink my prostate, which is oversized. Here, look..."
Best of Kevin Walker
"If Goofus would quit downloading viral sh!t, I wouldn't be needing you every day."
Best of Submariner
Sorry Mr. Frank, I just don't "know what you mean" about turning your floppy into a hard drive - it isn't possible...
Best of Whacko
"No, seriously, Mr. Walnuts, what did you do with my pocket protector?"
Best of Double the U
OMG! Your Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC!
Best of Double the U
First there was "The Deadliest Catch" then there was "Ice Road Truckers" now were bring you "Dealing with a Computer Geek"
Best of Frank_IBC
ORA*: Narrator: What Jimmy didn't know was that the customer was sick; a sickness that was not visible like smallpox, but no less dangerous and contagious; a sickness of the mind. You see, the customer was a homosexual: a person who demands an intimate relationship with members of their own sex.
*See next thread up.
HT :-PPPPP: Frank IBC
41 comments:
Customer: "You saw my SPECIAL file?"
Geek: "Dude, you have the SWEETEST porn collection I've ever seen!"
"..and then Jerry O'Connely points at Rebecca's t*ts like this and says, 'See, I told you it was cold in here.'"
"Ha ha, this idiot thinks I'm smiling because I enjoy this job.
Little does he know when he opens up his desktop he'll be inundated in "You are an Idiot" popups. Last time that cheapskate forgets to tip me."
"I'd like to have iTunes installed on this machine and, please, help yourself to the porn after your done."
"Inner voice" He likes me, I really think he likes me..
Here y'go, Barney. By the way, your "Bending Over the Pages" file is awesome! What did you say to add for a tip?
All done de-fragging those files.
I guess the old "What happens in Avalon Manor, stays in Avalon Manor" doesn't apply to you, eh?
Y'know, SOTG, I never believed those "prom date" stories on Cap This! until I really scanned your files...
upon informing Pauli Walnuts his computer was fried pauli replied, "Let's whack this c*ck sucker and be done with it"
Waddaya say, Bruce; how's about a 5-second ball rest?
It's always weird meeting your anonymous hookup at their place of employment.
I am looking for a "geek" (wink wink) preferably some young blond "geek" (wink wink) I think I am having a problem with my "hard drive" (wink wink)
"........And see, no matter how long I wait, no toast comes out! Can't anybody do ANYTHING right these days?"
Feel free to snitch this picture if you want it. You might want to tear your eyes out, first. Yuck!
www.paleo.wordpress (Hillary Clinton cleavage)
"It's the only nice box us geeks can get sir."
"Boy that's dirty work, I think I need to go wash my hands again."
"Hi Phil, do you ever feel, you know, not so fresh?"
I purchased this overpriced piece of crap here at Best Buy. It never worked right, it is overloaded with Windows and a bunch of really crappy trial software that keeps popping up. Do you think if I give it to you morons you can make it worse?
I have no idea what you a$$holes did, when I asked you to fix my computer but I get this machine home after you repaired it and there is nothing but Congressman Frank and a bunch of gay porn.
"Yessir... I even fixed the cup holder for ya."
Hmmmm, "Geek Squad" - finally, truth in advertising!
“I’ll buy it today if you throw in some of those lovely John Edwards screen savers for free.”
“You’re in the Geek Squad and I’m in the Go-Greek Squad.”
“We get a lot of these pigs through the service department.”
“I would like to trade this in for a new Fembot 67-A, with deployed frontal airbags as standard equipment.”
“Barney Frank’s emails keep getting lost.”
“As a diagnosed obsessive compulsive, I find myself vigorously wiping it down with just one square of toilet paper, every afternoon from 4 to 5PM.”
“One lucky day, scientists will be able to attach designer computer chips to your anal cavity.”
“It won’t pick up my toaster’s signal on my wireless network at home.”
"I want to exchange it for an iPhone, 'cause I hear those can do anything, even shrink my prostate, which is oversized. Here, look..."
"Why yes, I am a model. That's me in the poster behind me. So, uh, I get off in an hour. Would you like to also?"
"If Goofus would quit downloading viral sh!t, I wouldn't be needing you every day."
Yes folks, this is from an updated version of the 1950s film urging young boys to be careful of "the homosexual."
When they said, "Geek Squad" I didn't think you would really be so geeky.
Sorry Mr. Frank, I just don't "know what you mean" about turning your floppy into a hard drive - it isn't possible...
When practising "safe computing" SOTG, you DON'T need to put a condom on your USB plugs...
"No, seriously, Mr. Walnuts, what did you do with my pocket protector?"
OMG! Your Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC!
First there was "The Deadliest Catch" then there was "The Ice Road" now were bring you "Dealing with a Computer Geek"
"Yes sir, of course it's a clip-on. So is my hair."
ORA*: Narrator: What Jimmy didn't know was that the customer was sick; a sickness that was not visible like smallpox, but no less dangerous and contagious; a sickness of the mind. You see, the customer was a homosexual: a person who demands an intimate relationship with members of their own sex.
*See next thread up.
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