1. Cap This Classic: "Oh, Ennui! Will you ever lose your grasp of me?"
2. A young Canadian contemplates his career options: "Mountie or Fishin' Guide?"
3. "I still don't see why that Ranger had to hit my Wang so hard."
4. "Where is that stupid waiter with my order of Kung Pao? He just muttered something that sounded like 'backyard cockfight' and disappeared."
5. "I can't believe she carded me. Well, that whore can kiss her tip goodbye."
6. "I don't understand this wine list. Does a merlot or a chardonnay go better with a Moon Over My Hammy?"
7. "I'll have the despair burger, and a side of fries slathered with the nothingness of a meaningless existence." Lunch at McSartre's.
8. "I can't believe Barney Frank dumped me ... and at Pizza Hut for goddess's sake."
Best of prince of leaves
His parents tried to warn him, but it was only when he was filling out a Lucky Burger employment application the day after college graduation that Caleb finally understood that his Wymyn's Studies degree was wholly unmarketable.
Best of The Man
Why does Andrew make me wear the "Property of Andrew Sullivan" t-shirt?
Best of Submariner
The "Property of..." T is bad enough. Why'd the guys have to put "In Fact, Their Bi-yotch!" on the back?
Best of Submariner
What did the Avalon Manor doorman mean, and why does it tingle when I think about it?
Best of Submariner
So WOULD I "like to be a Pepper, too?"
Best of Rodney Dill
"Wow, four F's on my report card, and a "Kisses like a Girl" comment from my math teacher, Miss Buford."
Best of Occasional Reader
Village of the Damned Slackers
20 comments:
Jeeeez, one sheet of restaurant grade toilet paper is even worse.
"I give up! I'll never draw Tippy the Turtle. Stupid art aptitude test."
His parents tried to warn him, but it was only when he was filling out a Lucky Burger employment application the day after college graduation that Caleb finally understood that his Wymyn's Studies degree was wholly unmarketable.
Why does Andrew make me wear the "Property of Andrew Sullivan" t-shirt?
The "Property of..." T is bad enough. Why'd the guys have to put "In Fact, Their Bi-yotch!" on the back?
I can't believe SOTG stole my prom date...
What did the Avalon Manor doorman mean, and why does it tingle when I think about it?
So WOULD I "like to be a Pepper, too?"
Appeasement 501 (AP)
Aluminum Headgear Appreciation 101
Vote Pandering 503 (AP)
Nocturnal Sleeping Platform Unritation 301
Deficit Budgetting 304
and Expedient Resource Cache 307
I just KNEW having Granny Nan select my courseload was gonna be trouble...
How was I suppose to know girls didn't like when you squeezed catchup packets down their backs?
"I can't believe Jughead forgot to bring the baby oil. What a doofus!"
How can I stay in 5th grade one more year? Maybe I could blow every test for the rest of the year... No, dammit - Ms. Letourneau would probably pass me anyway...
“Obama’s half white, Hill’s half man, and Edwards is half woman…I’ve half a notion to give up on the Democrat party.”
“I don’t know how much wood a woodchuck can chuck. Leave me alone already!”
“Damn lice!”
Oh, the humanity!
Braaaaiiiins?
KOBE! I'm open...
Kobe; I'M open...
Kobe; I'm OPEN...
Billy prepares for the street games, hoping to sound "down wid it."
"Wow, four F's on my report card, and a "Kisses like a Girl" comment from my math teacher, Miss Buford."
Village of the Damned Slackers
Is it really so wrong that I just want to be just like the Beaver's mother?
Justin the Teenage Clairvoyant concentrates his brainwaves, aiming them at a certain townhouse in Washington DC...
...and a temporarily zombified Andrew Sullivan reaches for a bottle of Tabasco sauce, instead of the KY which he intended...
...and a diabolical smile slowly breaks out on Justin's face.
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