Saturday, May 12, 2007

Riddled with ADD


1. Cap This Classic: "Oh, Ennui! Will you ever lose your grasp of me?"

2. A young Canadian contemplates his career options: "Mountie or Fishin' Guide?"

3. "I still don't see why that Ranger had to hit my Wang so hard."

4. "Where is that stupid waiter with my order of Kung Pao? He just muttered something that sounded like 'backyard cockfight' and disappeared."

5. "I can't believe she carded me. Well, that whore can kiss her tip goodbye."

6. "I don't understand this wine list. Does a merlot or a chardonnay go better with a Moon Over My Hammy?"

7. "I'll have the despair burger, and a side of fries slathered with the nothingness of a meaningless existence." Lunch at McSartre's.

8. "I can't believe Barney Frank dumped me ... and at Pizza Hut for goddess's sake."

Best of prince of leaves
His parents tried to warn him, but it was only when he was filling out a Lucky Burger employment application the day after college graduation that Caleb finally understood that his Wymyn's Studies degree was wholly unmarketable.

Best of The Man
Why does Andrew make me wear the "Property of Andrew Sullivan" t-shirt?

Best of Submariner
The "Property of..." T is bad enough. Why'd the guys have to put "In Fact, Their Bi-yotch!" on the back?

Best of Submariner
What did the Avalon Manor doorman mean, and why does it tingle when I think about it?

Best of Submariner
So WOULD I "like to be a Pepper, too?"

Best of Rodney Dill
"Wow, four F's on my report card, and a "Kisses like a Girl" comment from my math teacher, Miss Buford."

Best of Occasional Reader
Village of the Damned Slackers

20 comments:

Double the U said...

Jeeeez, one sheet of restaurant grade toilet paper is even worse.

Jack Reacher said...

"I give up! I'll never draw Tippy the Turtle. Stupid art aptitude test."

prince of leaves said...

His parents tried to warn him, but it was only when he was filling out a Lucky Burger employment application the day after college graduation that Caleb finally understood that his Wymyn's Studies degree was wholly unmarketable.

The Man said...

Why does Andrew make me wear the "Property of Andrew Sullivan" t-shirt?

Submariner said...

The "Property of..." T is bad enough. Why'd the guys have to put "In Fact, Their Bi-yotch!" on the back?

Submariner said...

I can't believe SOTG stole my prom date...

Submariner said...

What did the Avalon Manor doorman mean, and why does it tingle when I think about it?

Submariner said...

So WOULD I "like to be a Pepper, too?"

Submariner said...

Appeasement 501 (AP)
Aluminum Headgear Appreciation 101
Vote Pandering 503 (AP)
Nocturnal Sleeping Platform Unritation 301
Deficit Budgetting 304
and Expedient Resource Cache 307

I just KNEW having Granny Nan select my courseload was gonna be trouble...

Double the U said...

How was I suppose to know girls didn't like when you squeezed catchup packets down their backs?

Frank_IBC said...

"I can't believe Jughead forgot to bring the baby oil. What a doofus!"

Submariner said...

How can I stay in 5th grade one more year? Maybe I could blow every test for the rest of the year... No, dammit - Ms. Letourneau would probably pass me anyway...

curly said...

“Obama’s half white, Hill’s half man, and Edwards is half woman…I’ve half a notion to give up on the Democrat party.”

“I don’t know how much wood a woodchuck can chuck. Leave me alone already!”

“Damn lice!”

Submariner said...

Oh, the humanity!

Submariner said...

Braaaaiiiins?

Submariner said...

KOBE! I'm open...
Kobe; I'M open...
Kobe; I'm OPEN...

Billy prepares for the street games, hoping to sound "down wid it."

Rodney Dill said...

"Wow, four F's on my report card, and a "Kisses like a Girl" comment from my math teacher, Miss Buford."

Occasional Reader said...

Village of the Damned Slackers

Submariner said...

Is it really so wrong that I just want to be just like the Beaver's mother?

Frank_IBC said...

Justin the Teenage Clairvoyant concentrates his brainwaves, aiming them at a certain townhouse in Washington DC...

...and a temporarily zombified Andrew Sullivan reaches for a bottle of Tabasco sauce, instead of the KY which he intended...

...and a diabolical smile slowly breaks out on Justin's face.