Saturday, May 26, 2007

Plant Life


1. "Yup, this looks like primo sh*t. I'll take a dimebag."

2. "Sorry, the Patrick Kennedy cleaned us out an hour ago. Nothin' left but stems and seeds."

3. "This is a lesbian organic collective. We forsake the vile chemicals of the patriarchal capitalist war machine and fertilize the plants with our menstrual flows."

4. "How did you train it to say 'Feed me, Seymour!'"

5. For Hester, one of the few thrills of being a small-town lesbian was when one of the young ladies from town came by to 'check out her bush.'

Best of 2spothipshot
"I don't care how cheap it was,you take this one back and get mommy a decent strippers poll!"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
We know, we know... Bush is lower at the polls... Big deal.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Sure, it looked harmless enough, but what Linda and Stella didn't know was that the Sleeping Pansy was what is classified as a "gateway" plant.

Best of curly
“Yes, it took them a week to get me and my baby out of the Sacramento Delta, but here I am back to work at the Home Depot nursery already.”

Best of Submariner
It's "Dieffenbachia." Won't it be fun at Hillary's next $1,000/plate fundraiser when this is the main ingredient in the salad?

Best of Double the U
If I keep hitting my head against this block of wood, you say the amnesty program will make sense?

Best of divine miss m
"We have brought you your shrubbery. May we go now?"

The Usual Source

18 comments:

2spothipshot said...

"I don't care how cheap it was,you take this one back and get mommy a decent strippers poll!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

In some rural locations, pole-dancing just hasn't evolved much.

Re: V's #3... Ew.

Son Of The Godfather said...

...Dang, 2spothipshot, you scooped me on the stripper pole cap (saw your cap after I posted mine) :)

Verification word: sowdeu (Sow doo)... yuck

Son Of The Godfather said...

The Early Morning-After Of The Triffids

Son Of The Godfather said...

We know, we know... Bush is lower at the polls... Big deal.

Son Of The Godfather said...

I'm tellin' ya, nothin' beats smokin' a bowl of this and watching The Family Guy while eating a large, double-cheese pepperoni pie...

...err, or so I've heard.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Sure, it looked harmless enough, but what Linda and Stella didn't know was that the Sleeping Pansy was what is classified as a "gateway" plant.

Jack Reacher said...

Scenes like this will be more common, according to Sen. Kennedy, if the Amnesty Bill is not signed and passed, and Americans are forced to process their own coca leaves.

prince of leaves said...

Rosie and Elizabeth agreed to patch up their differences with girl talk and garden work. Elizabeth returned to The View six months later, after the all-over rashes from the poison ivy Rosie "accidentally" brought finally cleared up.

curly said...

"I'll take any plant you've got, as long as it isn't a Bush."

curly said...

“You know how it goes: Lindsay Lohan flashes a panty-less beaver shot to a gang of paparazzi; a ton of flash bulbs go off and emit CO2. The lamestream media chops a forest of trees to put the drech on the front page of newspapers around the world to satisfy the manufactured needs of the masses. Then Al Gore charges media moguls outrages sums for carbon offsets, which basically means that you water our little friend here.”

curly said...

"Don't trouble yourself. The illegals will be here in a moment and they can tend to that plant for you..."

curly said...

“Yes, it took them a week to get me and my baby out of the Sacramento Delta, but here I am back to work at the Home Depot nursery already.”

Submariner said...

This is EXACTLY what I need for my brownies!

Submariner said...

It's "Dieffenbachia." Won't it be fun at Hillary's next $1,000/plate fundraiser when this is the main ingredient in the salad?

Double the U said...

If I keep hitting my head against this block of wood, you say the amnesty program will make sense?

curly said...

“…and unlike a manbearpig, this plant won't pout if you have a headache nor does it care what time of the month it is.”

divine miss m said...

"We have brought you your shrubbery. May we go now?"