1. Lindsey Lohan's downward spiral accelerates.
2. "My mom? That couldn't be my mom. My mom was killed in a tragic luge accident. I have no idea who that woman is."
3. Scenes from a Democrat "Policy Meeting": Obama sighed, "Never mind, Mikulski, you can keep my dashiki... and my crocs."
4. "I am the Goddess of Gaia... also, I teach fourth grade in the Seattle public schools."
5. "OK, one more lid and then we have to get back to our jobs fact-checking at The New Republic."
♫ You can do anything that you wanna do, but honey lay off of my blue recycled plastic, Walmart rejected, Chinese slave labor made, cornhole-me-now, welfare shoes. ♫
Ron Paul had a strong following at the Iowa Straw poll, however most of his supporters don't bathe... I mean vote.
When Steve Forbes finally came out of the closet, it was done boldly and with extreme prejudice.
Gargoyles gone wild!
Moments later, the Vogon began reading poetry and slayed the few blind crowd members that hadn't seen it dance.
The Lake Wobegon Effect only fed Edmund's complacency
She kept dancing because every few minutes Janet Reno would step forward to stuff $20 bills into her soiled underwear.
This is your brain on drugs. There had better not be any questions.
"We replaced Helen's normal skunk weed with our Folger's Choice Jamaican Wowie brand. Let's see how she reacts..."
Crowd: "Legalize it! Legalize it!"
Helen: "Yeah! Free Love!"
Crowd: "Just say NO! Just say NO!"
That's the flimsiest chastity belt I've ever seen - and also the most superfluous one.
At least we can all be thankful that the rainbow javelin got the one behind her.
A challenger from the right wing of the Democratic Party today held a rally to announce her candidacy for Patty Murray's Senate seat.
Since Air America's fundraising scandal, Al Franken has had to work overtime.
Silky Pony channels Andrea Dworkin after trying some really good ganga.
"Eargh, it's back to the loch with ye, Nessie." Groundskeeper Willie.