Sunday, May 13, 2007

He Calls It Conductering


1. Spike Bush tried to lead the band into a lively rendition of "Der Mullah's Face," but half the orchestra were Democrats, and they just wanted to quit and go home.

2. "Screw you guys! I can get a mariachi band to play the songs you won't play... and for a helluva lot cheaper."

3. "Bet I can spit my chawin' tobacky right in that there shiny spitoon back there."

4. "What do you mean you cretins don't know 'Macho Man?'"

5. "Cheney wants to know if we can do 'Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap.' It gets Cokie Roberts super-hot."
Best of The Man
George Bush hates woodwinds.

(Ah, yes, wood and wind, two of the great leit-motifs of Cap This) - V

Best of Silhouette
"All together now: Kill the wabbit, kill the Wabbit, kill the WABBIT!"

Best of curly
After Kucinich spiked his drink with fairy dust, Bush grabs Pelosi’s magic wand and attempts to ‘change the channel’ to an old Gunsmoke rerun.

Best of curly
“Get rid of the bearded clarinet player. There will be no hairy reeds in my orchestra.”

Best of Kevin Walker
Seconds before Bush turned the tubist into a frog.

Best of Submariner

This 'minds me of this one time at band camp with Laura...

Best of Adjustah
With Snape gone, Hermione just wasn't sure about the new substitute Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher...

Best of prince of leaves
"We've replaced President Bush's baton with an Ollivander™-brand wand made with genuine phoenix tailfeathers...let's see if he notices..."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Let's hear some Willie Nelson tunes. And y'all know how Willie 'tunes up' before playing, don't ya?"

Best of Rodney Dill
Bibbity Bobbity Boo

Best of Submariner
Knock off that "Hall of the Mountain King" crap. I ain't Cheney...

Best of the paperboy
BARITONE! When the first chair violin pulls my baton, it's "beans beans the magical fruit."

Best of Rodney Dill
"Hey you in the back, more cowbell!"

Best of divine miss m
"You...yes, you in the back with the drum and the headdress...mind if I give that a try?"

Source: AssPress Photo/Steve Helber

31 comments:

Double the U said...

Christine...Christine Witherspoon... you know your not allowed to participate in the school's band until you finish reading "Mary has two Mommies"

The Man said...

George Bush hates woodwinds.

Shayne said...

"Hey you - yeah you there with that horn back there - yer a sissy-boy, ain'tcha?"

Silhouette said...

"All together now: Kill the wabbit, kill the Wabbit, kill the WABBIT!"

curly said...

After Kucinich spiked his drink with fairy dust, Bush grabs Pelosi’s magic wand and attempts to ‘change the channel’ to an old Gunsmoke rerun.

curly said...

President Bush unveils his new “War on Tenors”.

curly said...

If you study hard and you do your homework, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck as a second fiddle in George Bush’s band.

Cricket said...

'Who got the cracker to lead?'

curly said...

No cello left behind.

“Get rid of the bearded clarinet player. There will be no hairy reeds in my orchestra.”

Rodney Dill said...

Yes I can accomplish democracy in Iraq, all I need to do is fade out my voice like this and cue the orchestra...

Rodney Dill said...

"Wonerful wonerful."

Kevin Walker said...

Seconds before Bush turned the tubist into a frog.

Submariner said...

No, George; we refer to the position as a "Director," not a "Wand-erer."

Submariner said...

George noted the Speaker's arrival and led the band in a chorus of "Something Wicked, This Way Comes."

Submariner said...

You - chubby girl with the tuba; three words for ya, "Boobs Not Bombs."

Submariner said...

The boy with the violin in the front row seems to be concentratin' a bit TOO HARD on the Pres' fly. I'm just sayin'...

Submariner said...

You in the back - did ya jus' fergit to tune up or are ya a Helen Thomas plant?

Submariner said...

Dammit, I thought fags were supposed to be GOOD at this artsy-fartsy crap?

Submariner said...

This 'minds me of this one time at band camp with Laura...

Adjustah said...

With Snape gone, Hermione just wasn't sure about the new substitute Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher...

Submariner said...

OK, now after the brass section sings
Who let the dawgs out
I want the percussion group to come in hard with ¤WOOF... woof-woof, Woof...¤

prince of leaves said...

"We've replaced President Bush's baton with an Ollivander™-brand wand made with genuine phoenix tailfeathers...let's see if he notices..."

prince of leaves said...

Bush thought-bubble: "Well hell, they already made me out to be Sauron with the One Ring, why *shouldn't* I cast a few cruciatus curses for kicks like Voldemort?"

Jack Reacher said...

"Let's hear some Willie Nelson tunes. And y'all know how Willie 'tunes up' before playing, don't ya?"

The band seemed uninspired at the competition, and discreet queries confirmed that Senator Reid had, indeed, told them that they had already lost, and should pack it up and go home.

Rodney Dill said...

Bibbity Bobbity Boo

Submariner said...

Knock off that "Hall of the Mountain King" crap. I ain't Cheney...

Submariner said...

For the 2007 White House Press Corps show, W decided not to tell any jokes; he simply led the orchestra in the flying monkey theme from "The Wizard Of Oz."

the paperboy said...

BARITONE! When the first chair violin pulls my baton, it's "beans beans the magical fruit."

Submariner said...

Back there; 3rd trombone. He's open, Kobe...

Rodney Dill said...

"Hey you in the back, more cowbell!"

divine miss m said...

"You...yes, you in the back with the drum and the headdress...mind if I give that a try?"