Saturday, May 05, 2007

The Garden Club


1. "No, the Maui Wowie goes over there, this patch is for the Panama red."

2. "We'll be using red phlox and trilliums to form the ring around the pentagram and morning glories around the sacrificial altar."

3. "And that's where we buried Hoffa."

4. "Betty, Get off that sprinkler! It's not an 'outdoor bidet.'"

5. "All right, the punjee sticks are in place, now cover the hole with leaves and thatch. That'll keep those gawdamm teenagers out of my chronic patch."

Best of Silhouette
In the final years of HillaryCare, retirement communities were forced to dig their own graves.

Best of Silhouette
One gal digging and eight supervising? I see the garden club has been unionized.

Best of Jack Reacher
"You know, we should have dug up the time capsule when at least one of us remembered where it was buried."

"We can't dig here. John Edwards has said he'll turn the dogs loose if we don't leave his plantation property right now."

Best of Lyn Perry
"Trailer for the new drama Desperate Grandmas."

Best of CJ
"Check it out. I fed Strychnnine to that cat in the sidebar."

Best of Rodney Dill
"Just Scootch along on the grass, Sheryl used the last sheet of toilet paper."

Best of Submariner
Don't think we need to worry about 'em forgettin' dinner again... f**kin' stoners.

Best of prince of leaves
Under President Gore, the elderly will be required to volunteer their every waking hour to their local Remediation Collective to offset their cumulative lifetime carbon footprints.

Best of prince of leaves
"What is it with our garden, Edna? That's the sixth exsanguinated Clinton intern dumped here this month..."


:-P Hometown News

14 comments:

Silhouette said...

In the final years of HillaryCare, deaths were so frequent that retirement communities were forced to dig their own graves.

Silhouette said...

One gal digging and eight supervising? I see the garden club has been unionized.

Jack Reacher said...

"No, my husband is under the petunias. Yours is under the roses, Jane."

"You know, we should have dug up the time capsule when at least one of us remembered where it was buried."

"We can't dig here. John Edwards has said he'll turn the dogs loose if we don't leave his plantation property right now."

Lyn Perry said...

"Trailer for the new drama Desperate Grandmas."

Also, I finally have a new caption contest at Bloggin' Outloud after a long hiatus:

CJ said...

"Check it out. I fed Strychnnine to that cat in the sidebar."

Rodney Dill said...

"Just Scootch along on the grass, Sheryl used the last sheet of toilet paper."

Submariner said...

Don't think we need to worry about 'em foergettin' dinner again...

prince of leaves said...

In the future according to Gore, the elderly will be required to volunteer their every waking hour to their local Remediation Collective to offset their cumulative lifetime carbon footprints.

prince of leaves said...

"What is it with our garden, Edna? That's the sixth exsanguinated Clinton intern dumped here this month..."

prince of leaves said...

ORA: Arranging themselves along the exposed edges, the Spring Valley Garden Club members begin to understand just how big the circular object burrowed under the park really is.

Submariner said...

OK, ladies, good work. Now go get the fertilizer through that door marked "Soylent Green..."

curly said...

“Has anyone seen my nappy headed hoe?”

“So Al Gore gets $100 for every sappling we plant? What a racket!”

“Where’s those darn illegals when you really need ‘em?”

Eight bosses and one worker…must be a government gig.

“Sure, these do-it-yourself cemetary plots are cheaper, but I’m gonna keal over digging it!”

curly said...

“Get to work, before I leave my size 12 carbon footprint on yer a$$.”

curly said...

Next on “The Politically Corrected 24”: Jack Baur discovers an eco-terrorist cell that is planting petunias instead of the more efficient CO2-converting conifers that are mandated by President Hillary.