1. "Sorry, Chuck, but ever since I took Sheryl Crow's 'one square of TP' advice, I can't seem to stop smelling it."
2. "Let's see, surrendered to the terrorists, check. Slipped a shady real estate deal into an appropriations bill, check. Had 'Pelosi's Bitch-Boy' tattooed on my ass, check. By gosh, Chuck, it is Miller Time."
3. "Ro is leaving The View? Hold me, Chuck. I feel so cold. So... cold."
4. "No, I'm pretty sure I hate America more."
5. Goofus tries to hide his herpes sore from the cameras, while Gallant... oh, who am I kidding? They're both Goofuses.
Best of Jack Reacher
"I can't remember if I wore the bikini-cut or high-rise panties this morning. When I left your place, Chuck, what did you see?"
Best of metalgarth
Beavis, I told you to stop picking your nose and eating it... Now I'm going to have to kick your ass.
Best of Rodney Dill
"Oh no, on the floor... that's not..."
"...Yes. It is... Ted Kennedy's liver."
Best of Occasional Reader
"Cheney's attack dog comments are like a *scalpel* pointed at... no, wait, like a *trowel* pointed at... goddammit, Chuck, what's that metaphor you like so much?
Best of Double the U
When asked "What do you think the greatest country on earth is?" both Democrat Senators paused and had to think about it for several minutes.
Best of 2spothipshot
CAPTURED ON FILM - Sen. Chucky caught not whining
Best of 2spothipshot
"I don't know Chuck,that German club where they crap on you is pretty cool, but personally,Harry Ried likes to get bound and gagged Taiwanese preteens for his pleasure."
Best of Double the U
Both Statesmen looked down at the floor as Rep. Dennis Kucinich went at it with a small rubber sex toy for dogs.
Best of the paperboy
There must be a Republican somewhere that we haven't slandered, indicted, humbled or converted.... THINK, dammit!
Best of curly
“Senator Reid, you’ve got some of Osama’s DNA left on your lips…Psyche!”
Best of Cybrludite
"Senator Reid, given a choice between going down on Hillary or shooting yourself in a press confrence like Bud Dwyer, which would you prefer?"
"I'm thinking, I'm thinking...."
Photo: Excite News
34 comments:
"I can't remember if I wore the bikini-cut or high-rise panties this morning. When I left your place, Chuck, what did you see?"
Two applicants, quickly eliminated from consideration, attempt to gain contestant slots on "Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?"
"Shhh! Did you hear that? Somewhere, somehow, a dollar just went un-taxed."
Beavis, I told you to stop picking your nose and eating it... Now I'm going to have to kick your ass.
Yeah... Right... I'm not gonna let a wuss in a pink shirt do that.
"Oh no, on the floor... that's not..."
"...Yes. It is... Ted Kennedy's liver."
"Yes, I could definitely fit that microphone in my mouth. But where else?"
"We're very concerned that the mantis was seen praying, in full view of impressionable children."
"Now let's see, where did I leave my marbles...?"
Chuck and Harry flashed back to the night with Gavin when they saw the microphones.
"Cheney's attack dog comments are like a *scalpel* pointed at... no, wait, like a *trowel* pointed at... goddammit, Chuck, what's that metaphor you like so much?
Highlighting certain female body parts a day early.
When asked "What do you think the greatest country on earth is?" both Democrat Senators paused and had to think about it for several minutes.
When asked, "Who is more evil,George Bush or a throat slashing murder-bomber ?",two leading democrat senators were dumbfounded until every photographer ran out of film.
"Ya know Chucky, if we just send Al Qeda a few more top secret anti-terror strategies of this criminal administration, so many soldiers will be killed that he'll HAVE to stop trying to win this unwinnable war!"
GREAT MOMENTS IN LIBERAL HISTORY
The leadership of the Democrat senate moments before announcing their strategy to overthrow the Bush administration with the help al qeda and the A.C.L.U.
"Don't say anything Chucky! Remember ? We're supposed to stall while Leahy sneaks the Petraeus battle plans over to al qeda...er, I mean, the mosque of the 'Most peaceful religion on earth'."
CAPTURED ON FILM - Sen. Chucky caught not whining
And so it was, the first moment in Chuckys' existence,while in the presence of a camera, when he wasn't scolding some Republican derisivly.
For one brief moment, two of Americas leading seditionists ponder the magnitude of the slaughter they encourage with their constant slandering of the military and their commander in chief. "Should we stop for the good of the country ?" they thought. "Nah" returned the Steve Martinesque voices in their heads.
Not aware the cameras were rolling,two top destroyers of American supremacy,plunge into their favorite passtime: Dreaming of the day when they,and they alone,are the final deciders of life and death for all personkind.
"I don't know Chuck,that German club where they crap on you is pretty cool, but personally,Harry Ried likes to get bound and gagged Taiwanese preteens for his pleasure."
Actual quotes:
Reid: "We are going to pick up Senate seats as a result of this war."
Schumer: "The war in Iraq is a lead weight attached to their [Republicans'] ankle."
Both of them voted in favor of invading Iraq.
For Dems, war is a good thing, but only if voters can be convinced that America is losing.
Both Statesmen looked down at the floor as Rep. Dennis Kucinich went at it with a small rubber sex toy for dogs.
Passing an Iraq war funding bill without surrender strings attached -- so simple even a caveman could do it.
Harried and Burqha rethink their publicity ploy as the Miss DNC candidates came out in their bikinis:
Clinton, Mikulski, Cantwell, Boxer, Landrieu, Murray, Stabenow...
Sorry for that mental image, but if it makes amends, I threw up a little in my mouth just typing it...
Reid reprimands Schumer on an inadvertent positive comment on the U.S. economy....
Uh, Chuck? When I asked for your ideas for a "stop-gap measure," I wasn't talking about a broken levee in New Orleans, so "roll in Ted Kennedy" won't work...
There must be a Republican somewhere that we haven't slandered, indicted, humbled or converted.... THINK, dammit!
No, I'm sure I was up next for the doggie toy.
Osama’s giving facials? Right here, big boy!”
“ALLAH AKBAR”
"My God Chuck ! When I think of all of those innocents and American fighting men dying due to our reckless behavior, I just can't hold back the smile."
What is this "Kum-by-yah" and why does W. keep trying to get us to sing with him?
And eight letter word for "Communist" and it begins with the letter "D?" Let me think about this.
Still haven't come up with even one Caption This! caption.
“Senator Reid, you’ve got some of Osama’s DNA left on your lips…Psyche!”
Standard caption #64: "Where will YOU be when your laxative kicks in?"
"Senator Reid, given a choice between going down on Hillary or shooting yourself in a press confrence like Bud Dwyer, which would you prefer?"
"I'm thinking, I'm thinking...."
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