1. Salt Lake City continues to be plagued by cross-dressing, drive-by baptisms.
2. "I know I gained a couple of pounds over the winter, but, c'mon, Greenpeace?"
3. Hillary's political opponents practice an assassination technique they got from The Wizard of Oz.
4. Attempts to get Paula Poundstone clean and sober enough for her appointment with Child Protective Services failed miserably.
5. This approximates the sensation of being interviewed by Keith Olbermann.
Best of Jack Reacher
In the village of Literal, describing a person as "really hot" could bring unexpected consequences.
Best of prince of leaves
Village elders applying the time-honored (if rarely successful) ritual of "washing out the gay".
Best of Submariner
Omar's Porterhouse Palace division of the Shriner's greeted k.d.lang in a somewhat less than happy manner...
Best of Jonathan
Those idiot Euros don't know the first thing about waterboarding!
Best of Silhouette
"VE SAID NO SCHMOKING!"
Best of Cybrludite
The Hungarians didn't quite grok the concept of Bukkake...
Best of Double the U
Britney Spears tried anything to wash herself clean from the fact she slept with K-Fed.
Best of Steve-O
The fertility effects of the fertility ritual are, of course, offset by the "birth control" effects of the costumes.
Hat Tip: Brenda Walker