1. "Well, if you'd learn not to mouth off, I wouldn't have to burn you with cigarettes."
2. Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger work out their custody issues.
3. "Yeah, I napalmed her whole family back in 'Nam, but it's cool now."
4. "Can I get a discount if you don't, you know, have to love me long time?"
5. You meet a variety of people in rehab, everyone from Adam West to Amy Tan.
6. "I'm gonna put on a dashiki and blow your mind!"
Best of divine miss m
Welcome to the Swingers Club of Omaha, just sign in here!
Best of Shayne
Boy, Billy Bob really has hit bottom since breaking up with Angelina!
Best of prince of leaves
After having a change of heart, Elton John pioneers "same-sex divorce" and heads to the Philippines to marry his pen pal Margaret.
Best of Double the U
Don Ho meet Street Ho. Street Ho, Don Ho.
Best of The Man
That is one nappy headed Ho. The chick's all right, though.
Best of Jack Reacher
"Yeah, we'd like a room with a king bed, a koi pond, and dim lighting. Very dim lighting."
To demonstrate to others their devil-may-care attitude, Kevin and Doris would frequently switch glasses.
Best of Adjustah
George Hamilton had no qualms about wasting all his Ritz Cracker money just on hookers and blow.
Best of racerboy
Deforrest Kelly highly recommends the #3 Special!
Best of Submariner
"What's yellow and ugly and sleeps alone? Wait, wait, I know this one..."
Hat Tip: The Man
Comes From: Hell