Thursday, March 15, 2007

Point and Shoot


1. "Oh, come on, Antonella, rip off your top and pee on the War Memorial. No one's ever gonna see these pictures but us."

2. "Good, now I'll get the hostage to hold up today's paper so his family will know he's still alive."

3. "So, do you want to be on top of the horse or underneath?" Sensitivity and openness had made Brad Enumclaw's top high school prom photographer.

4. "Tell you what, why don't you invite the rest of the Carolina cheerleaders over and I'll take pictures of all of you."

5. "I swear! All the great ones began their careers being penetrated by a Great Dane at an Auto Show. Jenna Jameson. Marilyn Chambers. Katie Couric..."

6. "It's just point and shoot. Point... and ... shoot. Point... Oh, forget it, just put on the green fishnet top and pose on the back of that Corvette."

7. "Don't be shy. Senator Clinton insists on nude photos of all her interns. It's... um, to prevent terrorism."

8. "Your mind is basically a Zippo with no flint, isn't it?"

Best of Capt. Queeg
"Not bad, eh? I picked it up off Amazon for only $1200 and they threw in a free downblouse converter. Go ahead, try it out."

Best of Jack Reacher
"And so I used the ASA400 film, because I prefer a fast shutter speed, and my friend Andy said 'I totally love 1000 speed,' but you have to put up with additional graininess in return for its greater light-gathering ability. Hey, did I tell you I was in the A/V club in high school?"

Best of Submariner
"So you see - I have now captured your soul in the 'magic box' which means you MUST do whatever I tell you..."

Best of Submariner
Crap, here comes Teddy Kennedy; give me the macro wide-angle, fish eye lens...

Best of affablerants
Piere dazzled the supermodel with tales of his professional accomplishments for 2 hours before he realized "she" was a manequin.

Best of affablerants
"Check it out! See how I captured your total indifference for me ?"

Hat Tip: Racerboy
Source: Yar

21 comments:

Capt. Queeg said...

"Not bad, eh? I picked it up off Amazon for only $1200 and they threw in a free downblouse converter. Go ahead, try it out."

jeff said...

"You turn it on by... ah, here, let me do it."

"Well, that's a good shot except you left the lens cap on."

"No, shots of Warren Buffett's butt are not acceptable for the cover of Time magazine."

Rodney Dill said...

"Duh, isn't the other end s'posed to be pointed at me?"

Jack Reacher said...

"What do you mean, where does the picture come out?"

"Is it hot in here, or is it just you? Hey, come back, what?"

"And so I used the ASA400 film, because I prefer a fast shutter speed, and my friend Andy said 'I totally love 1000 speed,' but you have to put up with additional graininess in return for its greater light-gathering ability. Hey, did I tell you I was in the A/V club in high school?"

Submariner said...

"So you see - I have now captured your soul in the 'magic box' which means you MUST do whatever I tell you..."

"Oh, OK.

Submariner said...

Crap, here comes Teddy Kennedy; give me the macro wide-angle, fish eye lens...

Submariner said...

Actually, I don't have the slightest freakin' idea how to use it, but it still gets me into these parties.

GOP & College said...

Model: I think you need a flash.
Cameraman: What are you talking about? I think the lighting is fine.

Cybrludite said...

Yeah, you're compensating for something with that lens, aren't ya?

Submariner said...

Model; "Which goes off first - that huge flash unit, the shutter, or you?"

affablerants said...

Piere dazzled the supermodel with tales of his professional accomplishments for 2 hours before he realized "she" was a manequin.

affablerants said...

"No, really, once I shoot you with my new 'Norplant Flasho-Matic', you're totally protected from pregnancy or any and all STDs...REALLY !..."

affablerants said...

"Check it out! See how I captured your total indifference for me ?"

affablerants said...

No I didn't sneak in ! Can't you see my official name tag ? No, please,don't call security..."

affablerants said...

Pressing on, Lance proved once again that he got absolutely nothing from his four years of "How to read body language" graduate courses.

affablerants said...

Going deep undercover once more, agent Plame seeks to find the connection between the WH and rogue papparazis...

affablerants said...

"Yes! I really work for Playboy!
So, can I touch your hair NOW ?"

affablerants said...

("Oh God! She just blew her nose breath into my ear! I think I'm about to spontaneously...Oh no!")

affablerants said...

("Dammit! How far over do I have to lean ? I mean,this IS California Right ? Won't anyone rub there tits up against me?")

affablerants said...

"Sir, sir, don't you recognize the standard -'I'll never be interested in a million years, especially if you are as working class as you look'- look ?"

affablerants said...

"I'm POSING !...Hello! I'm POSING !
Well take the damm pictures would you ?! I'm late for my congressional testimony on behalf of the terminally annoyed."