1. "I'm sorry, I don't have any spare change... OMG, you're Eddie Van Halen!"2. So, I guess Valerie spent all the money before you could buy some dental work?
3. "Somebody get that shrunken apple-head doll off the... OMG, that's Eddie Van Halen!"
4. All right! Who opened the Ark of the Covenant? Was it you, Dwight the Troubled Teen?
5. "Hey, who's that geezer who just crapped his pants ... OMG, that's Eddie Van Halen!"
6. "Dear Mr Van Halen. As you may know, I have something of a fetish for freakishly grotesque men, and, cutting to the chase, are you up for a menage-a-trois? (signed) Mary Matalin."
7. "Dr. Kevorkian, your 10 o'clock is here."
8. "Cocaine is a hell of a drug. Also, vodka, codeine, crystal meth, heroin, crack, amphetamines, oxycotin, valium, ecstasy, peyote, mescalin... they're all a hell of a drug."
9. "Speaking of 'Running with the Devil,' anybody got a change of Depends?"
Best of Van Helsing
"Anybody seen Keith Richards? He made off with my walker!"
Best of Submariner
ORA: "My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening thru a cosmic vapor of invention."
Best of Submariner
Bring out yer dead!
Best of Rodney Dill
My god, Helen Thomas sure has aged.
Best of Cybrludite
"Braaaaaains!"
Best of affablerants
"Yeah I got a date.Whitney,lose the pipe and get over here and mingle wouldja ?"
Best of affablerants
"So there we were, just me and that totally lickable toad..."
Best of affablerants
The oldest known Apache warrior was finally at peace now that they got the band back together...
Best of prince of leaves
Taking revenge for Hollywood's betrayal one megastar at a time, Hillary (just out of frame) sucks the life out of George Clooney like a Wraith hive-queen.
Best of Dickey Swollenz
Since Van Halen was no longer touring, Eddie decided to take up posing for Iron Maiden record covers as a side project.
Best of Cybrludite
Dr. Kevorkian, your 3 o'clock is here.
Best of divine miss m
"Grandpa, tell us stories about the '80s again!"
Best of mo fo
"I'm like that character in the fairy tails...What's his name...Rumpled-foreskin, Rumpelstiltskin...What the hell was I just talking about?"
Best of Cricket
Eddie talks about his new role as the Cryptkeeper in the rock musical horror movie "Tales From Eddie Van Halen's Life"
Hat Tip: Divine Miss M
Source: Ass Press
43 comments:
"Anybody seen Keith Richards? He made off with my walker!"
Is that Eddie from Iron Maiden or from Van Halen? I can't tell.
Whoa - Cindy Sheehan has really let herself go, I mean, even worse than usual...
Da-amn - if "takin' a ride on the Bertonelli express" depletes you this bad, I'm gonna have to revise some of my fantasies!
"Hey, have you seen David Lee Roth? He's supposed to have my Geritol!"
ORA:
"My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening thru a cosmic vapor of invention."
Bring out yer dead!
My god, Helen Thomas sure has aged.
On second thought, my old Van Halen backstage passes probably haven't become collector's items after all.
Is that hair dyed or were you rolling around in the fireplace cinders again?
Thaaaat´s right Eddie, we got the front. Now turn your head to the side for the good officer to get the side snapshot.
"Braaaaaains!"
So I says to her..."Honey, remember in the 80s when you said 'Eddie VanHalen was so freaking hot'?"
The "just say No!" people should just use pictures of aging rock stars in their ad campaigns instead of the stupid feel good crap they are using now.
"Yeah I got a date.Whitney,lose the pipe and get over here and mingle wouldja ?"
"What's that baby? Oh yeah,'The Devil be hittin' me' too.I feel ya..."
So remember kids, study your scales 13 hours a day when you're a preteen and this too could be YOUR fate.
Carol Channing at age 30.
God bless Beverley Hills surgeons.
"So there we were, just me and that totally lickable toad..."
"I'll get you Tom Petty! And your toothy mouth too!"
"Well just look at me, of course I'm a big rock star honey!"
"Is it too late for ME to collaborate with a big rapper ? Hey Puff Daddy! Let's talk man..."
"Fifteen lines up a dead mans nose,
Yo ho and a bottle of Vicadin!"
"I liked Crests' new 'Whitening Strips' so much that I bought the company !"
The oldest known Apache warrior was finally at peace now that they got the band back together...
"He he, and when I go like this it look like an old womans 'bizness'..."
Eddie Van Halen talks about his new project wherein he goes undercover to investigate allegations of discrimination against cavemen. He was a natural
for the low budget Michael Moore documentary.
"They won't need a makeup team," he enthused.
"I open for the Rolling Stones. How great is that?"
Taking revenge for Hollywood's betrayal one megastar at a time, Hillary (just out of frame) sucks the life out of George Clooney like a Wraith hive-queen.
"I just don't get it -- how come the groupies don't wanna get it on with me no more?"
Since Van Halen was no longer touring, Eddie decided to take up posing for Iron Maiden record covers as a side project.
"Hey man, you gotta see it - freakin' vagina six feet tall!"
Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!!!!!!!!
Kinda looks like David Letterman in drag on acid.
A look that just screams he ♪...sat on a big 10 inch!♪
"Botox isn't so much fun when it goes bad, is it Madame Speaker?"
Dr. Kevorkian, your 3 o'clock appointment is here.
Dude! Where's my dentures!
"Grandpa, tell us stories about the '80s again!"
"I'm like that character in the fairy tails...What's his name...Rumpled-foreskin, Rumpelstiltskin...What the hell was I just talking about?"
“You’ll find me listed somewhere between Igneous and Sedimentary at the Rock Hall of Fame.”
“Yes, now that I’m older and facing mortality, I am worried about what publishing songs like ‘Running with the Devil’ we’ll mean to me in the afterlife.”
Eddie talks about his new role as the Cryptkeeper in the rock musical horror movie "Tales From Eddie Van Halen's Life"
'It is loosely based on 'Faustus.'
Da-amn! Looks like Dorian Grey looked at his picture...
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