Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Fondling the Phallic Symbols Americans Are Unwilling to Fondle


1. "And then I told Pelosi, 'Open wide, bitch. Here it comes!'"

2. "So, this is where you aliens make your anal probes."

3. President Bush visits a technical college where undocumented mohels learn to perform discount circumcisions.

4. "So, basically, you attach these to leather belts and the Hillary08 campaign buys them by the truckload?"

5. "Karl Rove was right. This job is definitely beneath the dignity of white children. Thank God for dirty little beaners like you. Here, let me hug you."

6. "If we had some snow, I could demonstrate, but this is the basic technique."

7. "I knew this was the right day to wear my pimp coat."

8. "And to improve sanitary conditions, we're posting 'Employees Must Wipe Their Butts Before Returning to Work' signs in all the toilets."

9. "Look... I'm Hillary!"

10. "So, Consuela, does where I'm holding this carrot remind you of any other 'jobs' Americans won't do?"

Best of divine miss m
...Or art thou but a carrot of the mind, a false creation, proceeding from our heat-oppressed corrupt imperialistic phallocratic heritage?

Best of Submariner
Look, I know you are actually a LEGAL immigrant, but I have a "job" that Laura won't do. Interested?

Best of Submariner
OK, we're agreed that it's 5 bucks for every plate served at the DNC luncheon where one of these is standing between two kiwi's?

Best of Jack Reacher
"So imagine this table is the border, and all these carrots are your little amigos. What we want to do is tip the table--like so--and pour all the carrots into the U.S."

Best of Occasional Reader
"Señor Bush, why did you steal the, how do you say, suéter, from el Doctor Huxtable?"

Best of prince of leaves
The President was so touched by the kindness of the clones working in the organ decanting factory that he reversed his opposition to stem-cell research.

Best of prince of leaves
"No wonder we have a problem with illegal aliens -- just look at all these larva!"

Best of mo fo
"So if I were to have unprotected sex with one of those Tijuana street walkers, my pecker would turn this color?"

Best of mo fo
“This little amiga went to the market; little amiga peeled carrots. This little amiga jumped the fence; this little amiga stayed home. And THIS little amiga went wee-wee-wee all over el Presidente’s weenie.”

Best of sonicfrog
... so when you sneak 'cross the border and get to Phoenix, find a wall and write "McCain Sucks!" with your urine stream like this. That'll really piss him off....

Best of Submariner
Let me know if any of y'all find a green one; that'd be Rodney's Dill...

Best of Big Arn
Not much, just sitting in front of the TV, watching porno flicks and eating Cheetos.

Hat Tip: Would rather remain anonymous
Source: Brill at Breakfast

31 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

"...and thanks to you Mr. President, the Kennedy family will never procreate again."

Rodney Dill said...

"Actually President Clinton had cigars."

Rodney Dill said...

"So the Hillary 2008 campaign confiscated all the cucumbers?"

Rodney Dill said...

"No Mr. President, its the council of Rabbi's thats visiting, I think Matzoh would've been better."

Submariner said...

Look, I know you are actually a LEGAL immigrant, but I have a "job" that Laura won't do. Interested?

Submariner said...

OK, we're agreed that it's 5 bucks for every plate served at the DNC luncheon where one of these is standing between two kiwi's?

Nasty Pelosi said...

"Senior Bush? I thought they call you "W;" why is there an M on your name badge?"
"Why, that's so's I can read it when asked..."

Jack Reacher said...

President Bush comforts a voter who says she wanted to vote for him, but believes she may have voted for Kerry by mistake, when she signed a ballot handed to her by a Pelosi staffer.

"So imagine this table is the border, and all these carrots are your little amigos. What we want to do is tip the table--like so--and pour all the carrots into the U.S."

jeff said...

"Ya know, if this was broccoli you wouldn't find my Dad within 50 miles of this place."

Double the U said...

So I grab it like this and then Lora says, "What's up Doc?"

mo fo said...

“That’s right, el sweeteo, EVERYTHING’S bigger in Texas.”

“So then you wipe these on your ass and send them to American Taco Bells so that all of the gringos get sick?”

“Not that one…Not that one…THIS ONE is about my size, el chickeo.”

mo fo said...

“Mexico is so third world. I asked your President to let me tour Mexico’s best high tech factory and here I am watching carrots get washed and packaged.”

“So you have only three options: jump the border, prostitute yourself, or package carrots?”

divine miss m said...

...Or art thou but a carrot of the mind, a false creation, proceeding from our heat-oppressed corrupt imperialistic phallocratic heritage?

c.a. Marks said...

I don't have a caption; alls I want to know is who in the hell dressed the President that day? Eeegads, that sweater!!!!

Occasional Reader said...

"Señor Bush, why did you steal the, how do you say, suéter, from el Doctor Huxtable?"

Van Helsing said...

"If you've got a pair of cojones to go with this, I'll get the whole set off to my friend Alberto, so he'll stop apologizing to Democrats."

prince of leaves said...

The President was so touched by the kindness of the clones working in the organ decanting factory that he reversed his opposition to stem-cell research.

prince of leaves said...

"I just thought I'd stop in and give you folks a heads-up: ICE is on the way to raid your factory."

prince of leaves said...

"No wonder we have a problem with illegal aliens -- just look at all these larva!"

prince of leaves said...

"Sure, you can run for President someday! Why not? By the time you're old enough, you won't even have to be a citizen!"

Rodney Dill said...

Thats OK, I'll protect you from the rabbit, one of the Secret Service guys always carries around a Presidential Oar for me.

Submariner said...

Andrew Sullivan giggled uncontrollably; "The possibilities at this factory are ENDLESS!"


Crap! I hate when I post to the wrong pic... please excuse this post in the above caps.

Submariner said...

Well, if Carrot TOP didn't do it for you...

the paperboy said...

Okay, bring in the wheat donuts now and we'll start making Subby Sandwiches.

the paperboy said...

Oh these are carrots? Clinton stew is made with weenies in hot water.

the paperboy said...

Now this little amigo decided to cross over from the brown counter to the white counter, so I'll just put him in the kettle over here. I want you to think real hard about that.

mo fo said...

"So if I were to have unprotected sex with one of those Tijuana street walkers, my pecker would turn this color?"

mo fo said...

“This little amiga went to the market; little amiga peeled carrots. This little amiga jumped the fence; this little amiga stayed home. And THIS little amiga went wee-wee-wee all over el Presidente’s weenie.”

sonicfrog said...

... so when you sneak 'cross the border and get to Phoenix, find a wall and write "McCain Sucks!" with your urine stream like this. That'll really piss him off....

...oh, and this writing-with-urine trick'll come in handy if you go to college and join a fraternity.

Submariner said...

Let me know if any of y'all find a green one; that'd be Rodney's Dill...

Big Arn said...

I haven't been up to much, just sitting in front of the TV, watching porno flicks and eating Cheetos.