Friday, March 23, 2007

Down with the Man


1. "Ain't you heard? This be Chocolate City. Outtamyway, pigs!"

2. "No, Senator Byrd, we can't just 'string that boy up,' we'll probably just take him back to his parents... Yes, even if he was looking at white women."

3. ORA: LeRoy would never ride his trike in Livonia again*.

4. "Don't worry, kid. Congressman Frank says he'll fix your parking ticket... if you're willing to live in his basement and let him keep your soiled Underoos."

5. Flashback: 1968: "Hey, can anyone help this Obama kid find his way to the Madrassah?"

6. "So, when you grow up, are you gonna be a pimp or a crack dealer?" (And then, Dawn's head exploded... again.)

7. "Kwanzay, you ever spend time in a Turkish prison?"

8. "Of course it's my bike! What do you mean license and registration? Damn, I hate Beverly Hills."

9. "Head freshly shaved, surrounded by intimidating men in heavy boots with leather accessories, their crotch meat swinging right at my eye level ... why do I feel a sudden urge to write a demented rant about torture-loving Christianists?"

10. "All clear, Mrs. Gifford. We caught the escapee. We'll have him back at the sweatshop in no time."

Best of mo fo
“Sorry kid, the roller-coaster’s off limits to your kind.”

Best of metalgarth
Enforcing mandatory bike helmet laws for juveniles will be a top priority for the Hilary Clinton administration. Dealing with the nuclear threat posed by Iran, not so much.

Best of Occasional Reader
"Can't you read the patch, kid? We're with CRS, Catholic Relief Services. We're Catholic, we're heavily-armed, and we're here to help."

Best of Van Helsing
"Sorry, kid. We have reason to believe that bicycle belongs to John Edwards."

Best of attmay
Web gets caught behind the Iron Curtain, on a very special Webster.

Best of prince of leaves
"For the last time, NO, I'm NOT a 'magic negro'! Now stop polishing my bald head trying to get three wishes!"

Best of prince of leaves
Don't play alone in the streets, children...Angelina Jolie's adoption press gangs might get you!

Best of Buckley F. Williams
Listen Mr. Coleman, are you gonna' come in peacefully or do you want to go the mace and anal sodomy route like Bridges?

Best of Submariner
Madonna? yeah, kid - right! And Dennis Rodman adopted me...

Best of Double the U
Good news kid...today is Friday, and on Friday you get to decide which officer beats the living crap out of you.

Best of Anonymous
Oh dear God, don't tell me it's those pedophile UN peacekeepers in Africa again...

Best of Frank IBC
Nice. Making fun of Manute Bol being surrounded by 16-foot tall French Mutant Storm Troopers as he tries to bring bicycles to poor children. Read his story. Educate yourselfs, morons.

Best of the paperboy
Well, "Kent Read," you're about to get stuck in Iraq! Come with us young man.

Hat tip: Jeff
Source: Free Market Fairy Tales

* Divine Miss M and Racerboy will get it.

28 comments:

mo fo said...

“Sorry kid, the roller-coaster’s off limits to your kind.”

“No officer, I don’t know where my daddy is. I didn’t even know I had a daddy.”

“SWAT team? You looks like a WASP team to me.”

metalgarth said...

Fast Forward to a nightmare 2009: Enforcing mandatory bike helmet laws for juveniles will be a top priority for the Hilary Clinton administration. Dealing with the nuclear threat posed by Iran, not so much.

Anonymous said...

"Can't you read the patch, kid? We're with CRS, Catholic Relief Services. We're Catholic, we're heavily-armed, and we're here to help."

Occasional Reader said...

"Je suis desolé, kid, but your training wheels are not in compliance with the latest Big Wheel safety regulations issued in Brussels. You're looking at some pretty hard time, mon ami."

Occasional Reader said...

[Whoops, the Catholic Relief Services one, that was I, that was me, that was the author of this post]

And another!

Somewhere in Paris, a Peugeot sleeps safely tonight, thanks to the tireless efforts of the CRS.

Van Helsing said...

"Sorry, kid. We have reason to believe that bicycle belongs to John Edwards."

Anonymous said...

Rodney King Jr.

Anonymous said...

dat bitch stole my cookie

attmay said...

Web gets caught behind the Iron Curtain, on a very special Webster.

prince of leaves said...

"For the last time, NO, I'm NOT a 'magic negro'! Now stop polishing my bald head trying to get three wishes!"

prince of leaves said...

Despite living in the White House, President Obama insisted on raising his children like any other kids.

prince of leaves said...

Don't play alone in the streets, children...Angelina Jolie's adoption press gangs might get you!

Buckley F. Williams said...

Listen Mr. Coleman, are you gonna' come in peacefully or do you want to go the mace and anal sodomy route like Bridges?

Rodney Dill said...

"You crackers gonna 1555 me or what?"

Rodney Dill said...

He keeps sayin' Po-po, he must be a foreigner, I think we need an interpreter;

Rodney Dill said...

"...it didn't call in a false report officer, I'm too short to dial 9-1-1, I can only dial 9-1."

Rodney Dill said...

Gary Coleman gets busted on COPS.

Submariner said...

Madonna? yeah, kid - right! And Dennis Rodman adopted me...

Double the U said...

Hey kid...today is Friday, and on Friday you get to decide which officer beats the living crap out of you.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear God, don't tell me it's those pedophile UN peacekeepers in Africa again...

Submariner said...

That's right, mon ami. Ze tax rate is based on how many eenchaiz UNDER 27 your tires are here een gay Paree!

Submariner said...

The shakedown for unpaid taxes, French style.

the paperboy said...

"What's your name, kid?"
"Kent Reed"
"We know you can't read, but what's your name?" (true story)

Submariner said...

Look, officer - I didn't mean ANYthing by it; I just noticed that all you studs were wearin' knee pads and casually wondered "Why?"

Frank IBC said...

Nice.

Making fun of Manute Bol being surrounded by 16-foot tall French Mutant Storm Troopers as he tries to bring bicycles to poor children.

Read his story.

Feel his pain.

Educate yourselfs, morons.

the paperboy said...

Well, "Can't Read," you're about to get stuck in Iraq! Come with us young man.

perhaps ironic V-word: lxpeplpo

Jack Reacher said...

"LeRoy would never ride his trike in Livonia again"

ROTFL! (Used ta live dere, ya know)

Submariner said...

The Charlevoix Reserve Sherrif department immediately surrounded the suspected perp, but none were quite sure what to make of him; none had ever before seen an actual Negro other than in books...