Monday, March 26, 2007

Baron Gorekonnen Arrives at Arruckus

1. Excessive marijuana consumption can impede your motor skills.

2. "Senator Boxer, are you familiar with the phrase, 'Say it, don't spray it?'"

3. "You know, I actually invented the phrase 'Say it, Don't spray it.'"

4. ♫"Oh when the shark bites... with its teeth, dear... and he keeps them... pearly white..." ♫

5. "And when I found out Michael Moore had finished off the entire all-you-can-eat buffet before I even got there, I decided to get even by beating him at his own game ... I'd make a crappy inaccurate documentary!"

6. "And I'm totally cereal about fighting Manbearpig ... Mmmmmm, cereal..."

7. "I can see them plain as day, Mrs. Clinton. Three sixes... right here on your forehead."

8. "No, Mr. Sullivan, I will not introduce you to Manbearpig."

9. "Here's how my 'Adultery Offset' scheme works. Every time you cheat on your wife, you pay me $50, and I slip a nun $20. I see Senator Kennedy like this idea."

10. "I'm sorry, Senator Mikulski, we haven't figured out a trading scheme for 'Ugly Offsets.'"

Best of Submariner
Uh, Al? That should be an "L" on your forehead...

Best of metalgarth
"Shazbot, Nanu-nanu!" was how Al Gore liked to close out his weekly reports to Orson back on planet Ork.

Best of Frank IBC
"You know, I actually invented the Vulcan 'Live Long And Prosper' hand gesture."

Best of mo fo
“Peek-a-boo…I see global warming.”

Best of Shayne
"So I put my hand on the forehead of earth and I realized that it had a fever!"

Best of Occasional Reader
"And here's my hand shadow puppet impression of what ManBearPig probably looks like... GAIADAMMIT who turned off the overhead projector?!"

Best of Submariner
Yes, yes, Michigan's Upper Peninsula looks like this. It will soon be immersed as the ice in Canada melts and fills the great lakes due to man's CO2 levels...

Best of Jonathan
"I object, Mr. Gore, you are NOT a 'little teapot'!"

Best of Brian_in_MA
"MEIN FUHRER DAS UBERMENCH!"

Best of racerboy
A misguided Al Gore attempts to "throw one out" to his "Vulcan homies."

Best of Jack Reacher
"I can swim with it, play sports with it, anything I can do with my own hair. Hey, I was almost the next president of the Hair Club For Men."

Best of the paperboy
I forgot to carry the one? Well that just invalidates the whole argument. Now we'll be overrun by polar bears! We have to organize a bear patrol.

Best of divine miss m
Everyone was so proud when Al finally mastered "rub your tummy; pat your head."

29 comments:

Submariner said...

Uh, Al? That should be an "L" on your forehead...

Submariner said...

Wow! I coulda been at G-8!

metalgarth said...

"Shazbot, Nanu-nanu!" was how Al Gore liked to close out his weekly reports to Orson back on planet Ork.

Frank IBC said...

"You know, I actually invented the Vulcan 'Live Long And Prosper' hand gesture."

Frank IBC said...

Sorry, Al, buying a suit from Goodwill, doing hair-dye job at home, and eating nothing but KFC for months on end do not "offset" your massive carbon footprint.

mo fo said...

“…and as this hand puppet shadow on my face clearly shows, the world will end by 2025.”

“Peek-a-boo…I see global warming.”

“Is that Mama Cindy in the audience?”

Shayne said...

"So I put my hand on the forehead of earth and I realized that it had a fever!"

Occasional Reader said...

"And here's my hand shadow puppet impression of what ManBearPig probably looks like... GAIADAMMIT who turned off the overhead projector?!"

Silhouette said...

Global Warming! Apply directly to the head.

Global Warming! Apply directly to the head.

Global Warming! Apply directly to the head.

(Hey, when you don't have the facts on your side, go for endless repetition.)

Submariner said...

Yes, yes, Michigan's Upper Peninsula looks like this. It will soon be immersed as the ice in Canada melts and fills the great lakes due to man's CO2 levels...

Submariner said...

Bush winning in 2000 caused my meltdown and resulted in global warming - Doh!

Jonathan said...

"No, Mr. Gore, you are NOT a 'little teapot'!"

Jonathan said...

Sen. Akaka (D-HI) tried telling Al that only the thumb and pinky were to be extended while doing a "shaka".

Brian_in_MA said...

"MEIN FUHRER DAS UBERMENCH!"

"Is it hot in here or do you guys need to fork over more dough for global warming?"

"At last, the primary source of Tennessee's energy consumption has been located."

"Men and Bears and Pigs oh My!"

"So I says to Senator Byrd, I says you can just profit off the racism offsets market, with the goal to lower racism to the 1990 level over 10 years. BAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Chrees said...

"The Amazing Gorenak says:

puffs on a joint,
gently urge, and
man-made global warming."

racerboy said...

A misguided Al Gore attempts to "throw one out" to his "Vulcan homies."

Jack Reacher said...

"What the...I'll bet that's the same pigeon that crapped on Chavez a few weeks back."

"I can swim with it, play sports with it, anything I can do with my own hair. Hey, I was almost the next president of the Hair Club For Men."

prince of leaves said...

"Why, actually, I invented the toupee..."

prince of leaves said...

"Someone wanna turn off those damned incandescent lights? They're a pox on the environment...plus I got me one HELLUVA hangover from a night on the town with Ted and Chris..."

Submariner said...

My Gaia! This gives me an idea for ANOTHER invention! I think I'll call it a "hat..."

prince of leaves said...

ORA -- Gaia: "And another thing, stop groveling!"

prince of leaves said...

Gore is distracted while giving his global warming testimony by a glint of sunlight off the snow piled up against the window of the third-floor hearing room.

the paperboy said...

I forgot to carry the one? Well that just invalidates the whole argument. Now we'll be overrun by polar bears! We have to organize a bear patrol.

the paperboy said...

All the science supporting global warming is right here in my head. I crammed it there one night when me and Ted were putting away a couple of cases.

sixdegreesofblondness said...

"Al, you doofus, that's not how you get your hair juuuuussst raht. Take it from a pro." {/"Breck Girl" John Edwards}

For those few who might not have seen it yet... http://time-blog.com/real_clear_politics/2007/03/the_hair_clip.html

Submariner said...

"...so there we were trying to get a campaign contri, er, at the state dinner Bill was throwing for the Chinese, and Hillary let loose a queef that blistered me to here..."

divine miss m said...

Everyone was so proud when Al finally mastered the childhood coordination game of "rub your tummy; pat your head."

Submariner said...

Why yes; to make up for the mansion's monthly lighting bill, I employ four individuals to hang around in the trees out back stark-raving nekkid. They don't use ANY carbon so that I can use what I want...

Rodney Dill said...

"What? Killing terrorists is another way to accrue carbon offsets?"