Saturday, February 17, 2007

Thanks, eHarmony


1. Sully ... oh, who the hell cares.

2. "Could we double-check the new coach's credentials? I'm almost certain there's no such place as Neverland University."

3. "Bad news, Tommy. We did our best, but Thursdays are staying hetero."

4. Whenever his team fell behind, Coach Sullivan would inspire them by looking deep into their eyes and tenderly crooning Kenny Rogers' "Lady."

5. "Your buttocks were looking particularly pert and saucy out there today."

Best of Double the U
You know every time I feel bad I go to Krispy Kreme and get a dozen donuts, it always helps me feel better, ya wanna go with me?

Best of prince of leaves
Scott always felt a vague twinge of guilt when he had to wrestle against the team from the special needs adult education center.

Best of prince of leaves
"Guess it runs in the family, eh, Coach Latourneau?"

Best of prince of leaves
"The college recruiters are here, so do your best to win that scholarship. You don't want to end up stuck in Iraq like John Kerry warned, do you?"

Best of curly
“Just like we practiced at home, only this time you have your clothes on.”

Best of curly
An image from the 2007 NAMBLA calendar, which by custom only has two months included – May and December.

Best of WhoopsieDaisey
"...yes, Scott; when you got a tool like this, you gotta build a shed over it."

Best of Silhouette
Worst. Princess Leia Costume. Ever.

Best of Double the U
Look, you gave it your best, but maybe the world isn't ready for a one white man show of The Color Purple.

Best of sonicfrog
Motivational speech by coach: "If you don't win, you'll end up getting fat and bloated like me..."

Better motivational speech by coach: "If you don't win, you'll have to sleep with me!!!"

Best of WALSTIB
"Scott, I'm carrying your baby"

Hat Tip: Fred Miranda

22 comments:

Double the U said...

Oh come on, look at you! You are scrawny, have no skills and your wearing purple. He was stronger, and knew what he was doing. You deserved to loose, now turn around and face all these people looking at you.

Double the U said...

You know every time I feel bad I go to Krispy Kreme and get a dozen donuts, it always helps me feel better, ya wanna go with me?

prince of leaves said...

Boy's thought bubble: "Right, coach. Yeah. Sure. I give you an ultimatum to leave that harpy wife of yours and take me away, and you just act like nothing happened."

prince of leaves said...

Scott always felt a vague twinge of guilt when he had to wrestle against the team from the special needs adult education center.

prince of leaves said...

"Guess it runs in the family, eh, Coach Latourneau?"

prince of leaves said...

"I don't want to put any pressure on you, Jimmy, but if you lose, the wrestling program is over and the school will have to close, condemning the children of this town to hopeless lives of ignorance, drug abuse, violence, and prostution."

prince of leaves said...

"The college recruiters are here, so do your best to win that scholarship. You don't want to end up stuck in Iraq like John Kerry warned, do you?"

Adjustah said...

"We lost coach."

"That's not important. What's important is that I can still wear the same pants I wore when I wrestled in college..."

Jonathan said...

"Seriously, Coach. That 'get in mah belly' thing really creeps me out!"

Kaptain said...

"Prancing nougat in the meadow sings the song... come on, sing it with me, and you'll get that Snickers bar I promised you."

attmay said...

You're getting ver-r-r-r-r-ry sleeeeeeeepy....
Your eyelids are getting ver-r-r-r-r-r-ry heavy....
When I snap my fingers you will obey my every command.

curly said...

”That’s right sweetie; win this NAMBLA match and I’ll personally put one of those black license plate thingies on your ass, just like that Harry Potter fellow.”

“Just like we practiced at home, only this time you have your clothes on.”

“I know they said it was greco-roman style, but they mean a different type of Greek.”

An image from the 2007 NAMBLA calendar, which by custom only has two months included – May and December.

curly said...

“Look honey, I know the orange partition drapes are appalling and ruin your concentration, but you’ve got to get over it.”

WhoopsieDaisey said...

"...yes, Jimmy; you always store your best tools under a roof..."

sonicfrog said...

Overheard motivational speech by coach: "If you don't win, you'll end up getting fat and bloated like me..."

Silhouette said...

Worst. Princess Leia Costume. Ever.

Double the U said...

Look, I love you Billy but we both knew these four years would come to an end, soon you will go off to college and find some nice boy and I will move on to other freshman the way I always do.

Double the U said...

Look, you gave it your best, but maybe the world isn't ready for a one white man show of The Color Purple.

Submariner said...

Feel the mat...
BE the mat...

sonicfrog said...

Overheard motivational speech by coach: "If you don't win, you'll end up getting fat and bloated like me..."

Better motivational speech by coach would have been: "If you don't win, you'll have to sleep with me!!!"

WhoopsieDaisey said...

Uh, coach? That ain't the Vulcan mind meld, and it ain't working anyways...

WALSTIB said...

"Keith, I'm carrying your baby"