Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Tail of the Naughty Barista


1. "Hey, any chance you'd whip out one of those hoots and give an old trucker a squirt from the source?"

2. (Reply to #1) "50 cents extra, sweetheart."

3. "Guten Morgen, I vill be your barista, my name was once Tim."

4. "I don't actually work here. I woke up here bound and gagged after a night at the Kennedy Compound. Could you call the police, please?"

5. "Of course our coffee's good. Senator Clinton comes by 5, sometimes 10 times a day."

6. Corporate synergy that works: Starbucks and Victoria's Secret.

7. The worst part of the job? At least ten times a day, a customer just throws a 5 at her and says, "Keep it, it's all your worth, anyway."

8. "Mocha Espresso with a side of Stern Discipline, coming right up."

9. Right up until the bust, "Fluffer's Coffee" was by far the most popular coffee drive-thru in town.

10. Ever have that dream where you're in public in your underwear? This is Sully's version.

Best of prince of leaves
"Michael Landon Espresso Enema? No, I'm sorry, we're sold out..."

Best of prince of leaves
"We don't have 'free trade', no, but for ten bucks extra we have 'rough trade'."

Best of andthenblammo!
"Be sure to stop by next week; we're going to go topless, start giving in-car lap dances, and change the name to 'Grounds for Divorce'

Best of Jack Reacher
Yeah, congratulations on being the 1000th customer to ask for extra breasts with his chicken. Move along, Bob Hope.

Best of curly
"What a coincidence! You don't have any pants on, and neither do I!"

Best of ThatGayConservative
"Can I get a tall Richard Gere Gerbil-atto and a vente Crimson Tide to go?"

Best of Jason
Nice. Making fun of an unemployed stripper trying to get a decent job. Educate yourselves, morons.

Best of Jason
A medium coffee and some tissues... don't ask.

Best of curly
“It wasn’t the aroma of coffee that drew me here; it was the tangy fragrance of your queefs.”

HT: Captain Queeg
Source: Seattle Times

25 comments:

jeff said...

"With all the coffee machines going, it's really warm in here."

"Wait 'til you see what I'm not wearing tomorrow!"

Occasional Reader said...

(Customer): I'd like a tall Americano.

(Barista Sully): Oh, who wouldn't!

prince of leaves said...

Sheltered Jim drove off in baffled disgust after Clyde the barista explained the joke behind the "Rocky Horror Coffee Shop".

prince of leaves said...

"Michael Landon Espresso Enema? No, I'm sorry, we're sold out..."

prince of leaves said...

"We don't have 'free trade', no, but for ten bucks extra we have 'rough trade'."

prince of leaves said...

"Why sure, I'd be happy to let you watch me grind...regular or decaf?"

andthenblammo! said...

"Starbucks, your butt; this is my house! Now get your damn truck offa my patio!"

andthenblammo! said...

"Be sure to stop by next week; we're going to go topless, start giving in-car lap dances, and change the name to 'Grounds for Divorce'

Rodney Dill said...

"You want fries widdat?"

Rodney Dill said...

(insert Dawn manifesto here)


(word verification FUNADV)

Double the U said...

Ohh no sir... your thinking of Nevada, this is Washington, you have the wrong state.

Anonymous said...

You don't want to see the Enumclaw branch of this coffeeshop chain.

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2002382718_horse15m.html

Jack Reacher said...

Yeah, congratulations on being the 1000th customer to ask for extra breasts with his chicken. Move along, Bob Hope.

Mom says you're late on the support again, so I can't go with you.

Hey, it's just temporary. I'm waiting for an opening at Fatburger.

curly said...

I’d like a decalf mocha cappuccino with a double shot of breast milk, a twist of titty, with just the scent of woman, a touch of submissiveness, half rear/half missionary, with a touch of sado/masicism.

curly said...

"I left my wallet at home. Could I pay you in diaphragms?"

"What a coincidence! You don't have any pants on, and neither do I!"

"Global warming's a bitch, ain't it?"

curly said...

“This is way cool! Thanks to the internet hotspot, I’m watching you on the PDA via the coffee shop’s webcam. By the way, shouldn’t you wash your hands after picking your nose and scratching your butt?”

Double the U said...

Drive through "nooners" started catching on with the long commute men.

curly said...

"Welcome to Starbutts. May I take your order?"

"Welcome to Starf#cks. May I take your order?"

ThatGayConservative said...

"Can I get a tall Richard Gere Gerbil-atto and a vente Crimson Tide to go?"

ThatGayConservative said...

"Do you folks like coffee?
Real coffee?
From the hills, of Columbia!
The Duncan Hills are real!
From a dozen depths!
A cup of bloody death!
You're dying for a cup!
One amount of thread!
Eating up the earth!
French mellow roast!
You're dying for a cup!
Filling the world with ultimate flavor!
You're gonna' get some, NOW!
And scream, for your cream!
(Solo- Skwisgaar Skwigelf)
DUNCAN HILLS
DUNCAN HILLS
DUNCAN HILLS
COFFEE!"

Jason said...

Nice. Making fun of an unemployed stripper trying to get a decent job. Educate yourselves, morons.

Jason said...

"The best part of waking up... are Hookers with C cups"

Jason said...

A medium coffee and some tissues... don't ask.

curly said...

“It wasn’t the aroma of coffee that drew me here; it was the tangy fragrance of your queefs.”

sonicfrog said...

From the same wonderful zany guys that brought us "Hooters!", it's a new fast food franchise called "Skanks"!!!