Sunday, January 21, 2007

Speed Bumps


1. If your first reaction was, ♪ "Ding, Dong, the witch is dead,"♪ you might be a homosexual.

2. Their oil changes may take two hours, but "Skanky Lube" still gets more repeat business than "Jiffy Lube."

3. A natural blonde, Honey gave the BMW a blow job in order to get a sugar daddy.

4. One of Hillary's interns actually working for once; cutting the brake lines on Bill's car.

5. "All right, now just put some Tide in the carburetor to clean the engine and we're all set."

6. Unfortunately, Lindsey Lohan had been an expert in bypassing ignition breathalyzer interlocks since the age of 12.

7. "And now to drink my fill of the precious anti-freeze."

8. Scene from the classic adult film, Looking for Mr. Goodwrench.

Best of attmay
Did you hear about the blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a car?
She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe.

Best of sonicfrog
I may be gay, and boobs are useless to me, but I never would have thought to use those to jack up the car.

Best of prince of leaves
Bill was understandably surprised when the hot woman he stopped to help along the highway turned out to be a man with acute gynecomastia and a thing for heels.

Best of prince of leaves
Brandi was the SWAT team's secret weapon -- even cars impervious to spike strips came to a halt when they hit her silicone barricade.

Best of prince of leaves
Brandi looks fruitlessly for her cat, forgetting that she tied Mr. Snuffles to the *back* bumper instead.

Best of 2spotlefty
"Honey,are you sure the manual says to change the 'fratostat' everytime I get another enhancement?"

Best of Capt. Queeg
Asked to locate the chrome on the trailer hitch, Brandi passes her "Does she or doesn't she" hair color test with flying colors.

Best of curly
After this, the poor Beemer would always suffer from 'headlight envy'.

Best of Submariner
Stephanie's family later brought suit against the High School Guidance Counselor for telling her she "...only had the mental aptitude of a speed bump."

Best of curly
Barney Frank beat Andrew Sullivan in their wild game of 'queer joy riding' after scoring 10 points for mowing down the buxom blonde.

Best of Anonymous
Annabelle misunderstood the phrase "Blowing a head gasket."

HT: Knowledge Is Power

46 comments:

Mo K said...

Damn. Reinflating the tires wasn't supposed to be this hard!

[Hey, it's a blonde ;-) ]

Anonymous said...

The tire was flat, and the jack was missing, she insisted anything Jack can do Jill can do better.

Anonymous said...

She is blond, hot as hell and she can fix and maintain high end automobiles, VisK was fearful why she wasn't already taken.

Anonymous said...

She never figured out why the mechanic showed her how to change her headlight fluid.

attmay said...

Did you hear about the blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a car?

She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe.

sonicfrog said...

Maybe the ad agency got a bit confused, but the client did say they wanted to feature the car traveling over some hilly terrain.

sonicfrog said...

I may be gay, and boobs are useless to me, but I never would have thought to use those to jack up the car.

sonicfrog said...

Best... Headjob... EVER!!!!

sonicfrog said...

Somewhere, deep inside it's tin heart, the Ghost In The Machine is smiling the widest smile.

Anonymous said...

Blonde airbag deployment didn't work out well for Gina.

prince of leaves said...

Bill was understandably surprised when the hot woman he stopped to help along the highway turned out to be a man with acute gynecomastia and a thing for heels.

prince of leaves said...

Brandi was the SWAT team's secret weapon -- even cars impervious to spike strips came to a halt when they hit her silicone barricade.

prince of leaves said...

Brandi looks fruitlessly for her cat, forgetting that she tied Mr. Snuffles to the *back* bumper instead.

prince of leaves said...

ORA: Huh...who knew Christine was a lesbian?

Van Helsing said...

When the jack slipped, the contents of her skull were forced into her chest. At least she wasn't wearing her "I wish these were brains" shirt at the time.

2spotlefty said...

When "Teathump" the squirrel got wedged in the spoiler of that Beamer,he could not have imagined what a lucky occurence it actually was.

2spotlefty said...

T-hitch chrome sucked right off,
Pics, for you and brother 'Jack-off',
She has, Booobs of mesh not real flesh,
Ho on the roooad!

2spotlefty said...

"Can I open my eyes now? I wanna see what you got me!"

2spotlefty said...

"Oh I get it! If I practice on this ball joint,it'll make you taste great by comparison!"

2spotlefty said...

"This isn't what I had in mind when you said 'Let's have a threesome' honey."

2spotlefty said...

Jane never got over being the plain one in school,so when her boyfriend said, "Screw the car!",she took it as a command.

2spotlefty said...

"Honey,are you sure the manual says to change the 'fratostat' everytime I get another enhancement?"

2spotlefty said...

Muffler bearings,muffler bearings,DAMMIT! Where are those fucking muffler bearings!"

Anonymous said...

ORA...
♪ Dead skank in the middle of the road, stinkin' to high Heaven ♪

Anonymous said...

"My, oh my! Will you check out them headlights! Of course, the ones on the car aren't bad either..."

Anonymous said...

CAUTION: Objects in the rearview mirror may be larger than they appear!

Anonymous said...

Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase: "Gentlemen, start your engines!"

Anonymous said...

BMW...
(Bra Might Wiggle)

Rodney Dill said...

"Hey Ned, I think there's a nail in the tire."

Rodney Dill said...

Fortunately for Loretta, the airbag deployment saved her life.

sonicfrog said...

BMW - The Ultimate Chick Magnet!!!

Capt. Queeg said...

Asked to locate the chrome on the trailer hitch, Brandi passes her "Does she or doesn't she" hair color test with flying colors.

Submariner said...

Bill Clinton no longer stashes a jack in the trunk; he simply insists all "personal assistants" wear Wonderbras.®

curly said...

Barbie assumed the natural position when she heard that the tires had lug nuts.

curly said...

After this, the poor Beemer would always suffer from 'headlight envy'.

jeff said...

When she hit the bumper too hard, the airbags automatically inflated.

Submariner said...

Stephanie's family later brought suit against the High School Guidance Counselor for telling her she "...only had the mental aptitude of a speed bump."

Submariner said...

DRUDGEBREAKING...
Home Depot issued a press release today announcing that the world-wide shortage of silicon appeared to have been eliminated due to the location of "the mother lode" of silicaon repositories at an undisclosed location on the Pacific Coast highway.
Developing...

Submariner said...

Who'd have ever guessed? Dolly is a mechanic!

Submariner said...

SOTG, buddy? I appreciate most of your humor, but this throwing away a perfectly good bimbo after only a few hundred uses? That's just wasteful...

curly said...

"Great! I see you're wearing your rubber!"

curly said...

Barney Frank beat Andrew Sullivan in their wild game of 'queer joy riding' after scoring 10 points for mowing down the buxom blonde.

Anonymous said...

Baslimthecrpple said...

Another six, no make that ten inches would have produced the thighs of Hillary Clinton, vs. the boobs of Charo.

Anonymous said...

After you get you car tuned up, you can go here for espresso:

http://tinyurl.com/34wakb

Surely there's something to caption here.

Anonymous said...

Annabelle misunderstood the phrase "Blowing a head gasket."

Submariner said...

Naked News anchor desk spokesperson, Silvia Silicon, groused; "Don't you just hate it when your Beamer breaks down on the way to work?"