1. If your first reaction was, ♪ "Ding, Dong, the witch is dead,"♪ you might be a homosexual.
2. Their oil changes may take two hours, but "Skanky Lube" still gets more repeat business than "Jiffy Lube."
3. A natural blonde, Honey gave the BMW a blow job in order to get a sugar daddy.
4. One of Hillary's interns actually working for once; cutting the brake lines on Bill's car.
5. "All right, now just put some Tide in the carburetor to clean the engine and we're all set."
6. Unfortunately, Lindsey Lohan had been an expert in bypassing ignition breathalyzer interlocks since the age of 12.
7. "And now to drink my fill of the precious anti-freeze."
8. Scene from the classic adult film, Looking for Mr. Goodwrench.
Best of attmay
Did you hear about the blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a car?
She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe.
Best of sonicfrog
I may be gay, and boobs are useless to me, but I never would have thought to use those to jack up the car.
Best of prince of leaves
Bill was understandably surprised when the hot woman he stopped to help along the highway turned out to be a man with acute gynecomastia and a thing for heels.
Best of prince of leaves
Brandi was the SWAT team's secret weapon -- even cars impervious to spike strips came to a halt when they hit her silicone barricade.
Best of prince of leaves
Brandi looks fruitlessly for her cat, forgetting that she tied Mr. Snuffles to the *back* bumper instead.
Best of 2spotlefty
"Honey,are you sure the manual says to change the 'fratostat' everytime I get another enhancement?"
Best of Capt. Queeg
Asked to locate the chrome on the trailer hitch, Brandi passes her "Does she or doesn't she" hair color test with flying colors.
Best of curly
After this, the poor Beemer would always suffer from 'headlight envy'.
Best of Submariner
Stephanie's family later brought suit against the High School Guidance Counselor for telling her she "...only had the mental aptitude of a speed bump."
Best of curly
Barney Frank beat Andrew Sullivan in their wild game of 'queer joy riding' after scoring 10 points for mowing down the buxom blonde.
Best of Anonymous
Annabelle misunderstood the phrase "Blowing a head gasket."
HT: Knowledge Is Power
46 comments:
Damn. Reinflating the tires wasn't supposed to be this hard!
[Hey, it's a blonde ;-) ]
The tire was flat, and the jack was missing, she insisted anything Jack can do Jill can do better.
She is blond, hot as hell and she can fix and maintain high end automobiles, VisK was fearful why she wasn't already taken.
She never figured out why the mechanic showed her how to change her headlight fluid.
Did you hear about the blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a car?
She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe.
Maybe the ad agency got a bit confused, but the client did say they wanted to feature the car traveling over some hilly terrain.
I may be gay, and boobs are useless to me, but I never would have thought to use those to jack up the car.
Best... Headjob... EVER!!!!
Somewhere, deep inside it's tin heart, the Ghost In The Machine is smiling the widest smile.
Blonde airbag deployment didn't work out well for Gina.
Bill was understandably surprised when the hot woman he stopped to help along the highway turned out to be a man with acute gynecomastia and a thing for heels.
Brandi was the SWAT team's secret weapon -- even cars impervious to spike strips came to a halt when they hit her silicone barricade.
Brandi looks fruitlessly for her cat, forgetting that she tied Mr. Snuffles to the *back* bumper instead.
ORA: Huh...who knew Christine was a lesbian?
When the jack slipped, the contents of her skull were forced into her chest. At least she wasn't wearing her "I wish these were brains" shirt at the time.
When "Teathump" the squirrel got wedged in the spoiler of that Beamer,he could not have imagined what a lucky occurence it actually was.
T-hitch chrome sucked right off,
Pics, for you and brother 'Jack-off',
She has, Booobs of mesh not real flesh,
Ho on the roooad!
"Can I open my eyes now? I wanna see what you got me!"
"Oh I get it! If I practice on this ball joint,it'll make you taste great by comparison!"
"This isn't what I had in mind when you said 'Let's have a threesome' honey."
Jane never got over being the plain one in school,so when her boyfriend said, "Screw the car!",she took it as a command.
"Honey,are you sure the manual says to change the 'fratostat' everytime I get another enhancement?"
Muffler bearings,muffler bearings,DAMMIT! Where are those fucking muffler bearings!"
ORA...
♪ Dead skank in the middle of the road, stinkin' to high Heaven ♪
"My, oh my! Will you check out them headlights! Of course, the ones on the car aren't bad either..."
CAUTION: Objects in the rearview mirror may be larger than they appear!
Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase: "Gentlemen, start your engines!"
BMW...
(Bra Might Wiggle)
"Hey Ned, I think there's a nail in the tire."
Fortunately for Loretta, the airbag deployment saved her life.
BMW - The Ultimate Chick Magnet!!!
Asked to locate the chrome on the trailer hitch, Brandi passes her "Does she or doesn't she" hair color test with flying colors.
Bill Clinton no longer stashes a jack in the trunk; he simply insists all "personal assistants" wear Wonderbras.®
Barbie assumed the natural position when she heard that the tires had lug nuts.
After this, the poor Beemer would always suffer from 'headlight envy'.
When she hit the bumper too hard, the airbags automatically inflated.
Stephanie's family later brought suit against the High School Guidance Counselor for telling her she "...only had the mental aptitude of a speed bump."
DRUDGEBREAKING...
Home Depot issued a press release today announcing that the world-wide shortage of silicon appeared to have been eliminated due to the location of "the mother lode" of silicaon repositories at an undisclosed location on the Pacific Coast highway.
Developing...
Who'd have ever guessed? Dolly is a mechanic!
SOTG, buddy? I appreciate most of your humor, but this throwing away a perfectly good bimbo after only a few hundred uses? That's just wasteful...
"Great! I see you're wearing your rubber!"
Barney Frank beat Andrew Sullivan in their wild game of 'queer joy riding' after scoring 10 points for mowing down the buxom blonde.
Baslimthecrpple said...
Another six, no make that ten inches would have produced the thighs of Hillary Clinton, vs. the boobs of Charo.
After you get you car tuned up, you can go here for espresso:
http://tinyurl.com/34wakb
Surely there's something to caption here.
Annabelle misunderstood the phrase "Blowing a head gasket."
Naked News anchor desk spokesperson, Silvia Silicon, groused; "Don't you just hate it when your Beamer breaks down on the way to work?"
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