Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Somehow, this is Bush's Fault


1. "Why is it whenever you girls try and handle a schwartz, you always hold it like a dead fish or grab it like a stick shift."

2. "Youngling, that is one fabulous pair of 'F***-Me!' pumps."

3. Originally, Lucas auditioned Linda Hunt for the role of Mace Windu, but audiences kept mistaking her for Yoda.

4. "Luke, I am your father. I'm that kid's father, too. Obi-Wan and I did a lot of whorin', back in the day."

5. OYTRA: Laid off from the Supermarket, Chad Vader was forced to take a job at Celebree.

Best of prince of leaves
In an earlier draft of "Episode IV", Luke was quite a bit younger and going through a "questioning phase".

Best of Jack Reacher
"Sure, I battle snot-nosed kids in a theme park with plastic sabers, but it's a living. Hey, you gonna finish those fries?"

Best of Rodney Dill
Darth: "And just why should I fear you little one."
Girl: "Bobbit, the name's Lorena Bobbit, shorty."

Best of lawhawk
Karl Rove was last seen working at the Star Wars stunt show at Disney World for $5.25 an hour.

Hat Tip: Belize 042

14 comments:

prince of leaves said...

The audience was horrified when, after slicing the young Jedi in half, "Darth" tore out her still-beating heart to power his life-support hardware.

prince of leaves said...

"Hey, win or lose, it's all the same. If you strike me down, Jedi, that stormtrooper over there will blast you into a steaming, gooey stain on the floor anyway."

prince of leaves said...

In an earlier draft of "Episode IV", Luke was quite a bit younger and going through a "questioning phase".

Jonathan H said...

V, here's a great pic http://tinyurl.com/29ds7l [photobucket].

Silhouette said...

Aiiiiyyyee! More evil than Vader, it's Mary Kate! (or Ashley)

Jack Reacher said...

Vader said to the newspaper man "Sure, I battle snot-nosed kids in a theme park with plastic sabers, but it's a living. Hey, you gonna finish those fries?"

Little Cindy said "Nice heels, Vader. Who's the princess now?" as she delivered a killing thrust to his midsection.

Rodney Dill said...

Darth: "You look kind of short for a Jedi."
Girl: "...and you look kinda 'short' for Andrew Sullivan."

Rodney Dill said...

Darth: "And just why should I fear you little one."
Girl: "Bobbit, the name's Lorena Bobbit, shorty."

jeff said...

All the stormtroopers hated when their name came up on the "Play Darth Vader vs. the kids" roster.

Anonymous said...

Karl Rove was last seen working at the Star Wars stunt show at Disney World for $5.25 an hour.

Anonymous said...

These kids have never heard of Barack Obama. What losers!

Anonymous said...

Andrew Sullivan spent some time as an intern for George Lucas. The two had a falling out after every light sabre battle that Sullivan devised ended up with Vader taking a sabre in the butt.

sonicfrog said...

Vader just doesn't get the respect he used to. Now even little girls are picking on him!

Submariner said...

I see your schwartz is as big as mine, little girl...
I'm so depressed...