1. "My grandson said he'd have dinner with me if we could 'smoke a bowl' together."2. "Just a few more more ashtrays and we'll be ready to start the AA Meeting."
3. "Oh, yeah, grandma. This is a great super bowl party." I will kill you.
4. "... and every time Earl strangled a hitch-hiker, I got to buy an antique bowl. That's how we kept our marriage fresh, right hon'?"
5. "Damn, child, the way you can pound those vodka shooters reminds me of your father."
6. "Oh, don't listen to that nasty Mr. Lileks. I don't think your bowls are 'worthless kitschy crap that looks like a psychedelic Smurf friggin' breakfast table.'"
7. "No, I'm pretty sure not even QVC would want this crap."
8. "And I get all this when you die? Hells, yeah! I gots me some windows to smash."
9. "I don't know, grandma. You might be able to sell enough to get maybe a pint of Thunderbird."
10. "So, the county took away your cats but let you keep the bowls?"
It's Americana
10 comments:
On family visit day, Timmy was proud to show his grandparents just a few of the bowls he made in art therapy class while institutionalized for his OCD problem.
"Oh, my! And just look at the creative and colorful things you've done with Granny's old diaphragms!"
Common Grammy I'll buy you one if you take up smoking.
You'd have to eat this many bowls of your cereal to equal all the nutrition in just bowl of Total.
"You must choose.
But choose wisely.
For as the True Bowl will bring you life-
the False Bowl will make you look like Grandpa over there."
"Well, this is nice, Timmy, and thoughtful too, but I said Grandpa needs new *bowels*..."
"I was just looking for something to keep your grandfather's ashes in."
"Uh... but he's still alive."
Wow, the Iranians are right, ashtrays made from Jews look better with a little color added to them.
"We'll go pick out your cigarette brand next Jimmy."
Anthropologists discovered these primitive bowls in a cave near San Francisco.
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