1. "My grandson said he'd have dinner with me if we could 'smoke a bowl' together."
2. "Just a few more more ashtrays and we'll be ready to start the AA Meeting."
3. "Oh, yeah, grandma. This is a great super bowl party." I will kill you.
4. "... and every time Earl strangled a hitch-hiker, I got to buy an antique bowl. That's how we kept our marriage fresh, right hon'?"
5. "Damn, child, the way you can pound those vodka shooters reminds me of your father."
6. "Oh, don't listen to that nasty Mr. Lileks. I don't think your bowls are 'worthless kitschy crap that looks like a psychedelic Smurf friggin' breakfast table.'"
7. "No, I'm pretty sure not even QVC would want this crap."
8. "And I get all this when you die? Hells, yeah! I gots me some windows to smash."
9. "I don't know, grandma. You might be able to sell enough to get maybe a pint of Thunderbird."
10. "So, the county took away your cats but let you keep the bowls?"