Monday, January 15, 2007

One for The Man

1. "You don't wanna go in there. I really stunk the place up. There's also a dead terrorist floating in the bowl, and I used up all your Glade air freshener."

2. "You try chasing terrorists for 24 hours straight and not stopping for a whiz!"

3. "OK, Chloe, I took care of the kittens, but for the last time, why don't you get that damned cat fixed?"

4. In the lamest plot twist yet, Jack is shrunk by terrorists to microscopic size, and must hide between the blades of a Gillette Fusion razor.

5. Damn, it hit my ass on the way out. Another exit spoiled.

6. Season Six, 1:00 pm to 2:00 pm. Jack swings by the U-Stor-It to check on his furniture and stuff.

7. When Jack Bauer farts in an elevator, he doesn't deny it. He just offs the witnesses.

8. ORA - "Yes, I have five dollars for each of you."

9. The walk-in refrigerator in which Jack Bauer keeps his cans of whoop-ass.

10. My favorite part of every season is at the end of episode 24 when Jack comes out from behind the curtain and sings, "I'm so glad we had this time, together..."

Best of Mr. Right
ORA "Now, listen to me very carefully: Whatever you do... don't... put... the candle... back!"

Best of lawhawk
Hi. I'm here for my 15th year high school reunion. They all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they've all made themselves a part of something and they can talk about what they do. What am I gonna say? "I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How've you been?"

Best of prince of leaves
"Yeah, these are too long -- it looks like I'm gonna need to try on a pair of 34-30s..."

Best of Cybrludite
When Jack Bauer comes out of the closet, he does so in the manliest way possible.

Best of Submariner
Ummmm, watch your step in there, buddy - blood tends to be slippery on marble...

Best of Submariner
A foot to the right and that round would have REALLY pissed me off...

Best of Submariner
I like you Ahmed - I think I'll kill you first...

Best of Rodney Dill
"I just want to tell you both — good luck, we’re all counting on you."

Best of prince of leaves
After escaping from Enumclaw, torturing Pedro to find the whereabouts of Leon, who he then inadvertently killed in a gunfight with smelly pirate hookers in the parking garage beneath Barney Frank's townhouse, Jack Bauer shows up at Avalon Manor just in time to save Johnny Weir from Andrew Sullivan's prom date, Dawn.

Best of Cybrludite
Dudes! What's with the dog costumes?

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi. I'm here for my 15th year high school reunion. They all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they've all made themselves a part of something and they can talk about what they do. What am I gonna say? "I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How've you been?"

Van Helsing said...

"Not to worry. Civilization will be safe now that the good terrorist is helping me fight the bad terrorist."

jeff said...

"Dude, do not hit the 'close' button, okay?"

Dave said...

The real reason for the recent dearth of non-sequitor "Sully's a fag" captions.

Rodney Dill said...

"All those burnt terrorists and someone's hocked all the ashtrays."

Silhouette said...

Great, just great. First heroin, now Jack's addicted to crack.

prince of leaves said...

"Yeah, these are too long -- it looks like I'm gonna need to try on a pair of 34-30s..."

Cybrludite said...

When Jack Bauer comes out of the closet, he does so in the manliest way possible.

Mr. Right said...

ORA "Now, listen to me very carefully: Whatever you do... don't... put... the candle... back!"

Anonymous said...

For those of you counting at home, I just shot a man, I did say something cool, but I was not wearing my manpurse. What is that like 2 points?

Submariner said...

No, Kobe. Ain't NObody open over here...

Submariner said...

Ummmm, watch your step in there, buddy - blood tends to be slippery on marble...

Submariner said...

A foot to the right and that round would have REALLY pissed me off...

Submariner said...

I like you Ahmed - I think I'll kill you first...

Rodney Dill said...

(ora)
"I just want to tell you both — good luck, we’re all counting on you."

prince of leaves said...

After escaping from Enumclaw, torturing Pedro to find the whereabouts of Leon, who he then inadvertently killed in a gunfight with smelly pirate hookers in the parking garage beneath Barney Frank's townhouse, Jack Bauer shows up at Avalon Manor just in time to save Johnny Weir from Andrew Sullivan's prom date, Dawn.

Cybrludite said...

Dudes! What's with the dog costumes?

Submariner said...

Prince of Leaves said...
"After escaping from Enumclaw..."


I've heard "The Ultimate Country and Western Song" about grandmaw ariving in the rain, on a train and backing her pickup over the dog... Now I've seen the ultimate Cap This! post. Well done, PoL, well done!

prince of leaves said...

[thanks, Sub...call it a "grand unification caption"]

curly said...

"Would anyone else like to make a joke about my 'pee' coat?"

"By the order of the President of the United States, I command you to stop the derogatory captions!"

Word verification "gikdnkd". I've done plenty of things naked, but I've never gicked naked.

Submariner said...

"Chuck Norris? Yeah I know the wimp..."