1. Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer 2: This time, it's personal.
2. The AARP is determined to stop personal social security accounts at any cost.
3. "I said, call 'B-32' or I'll ventilate you, ass-wipe."
4. "From here, I can take out Hillary, Obama, and that lard-ass Chappaquiddick Beach Whale."
5. "Bet those kids will stay out of my yard, now."
6. They were going to do a drive-by, then decided it would be easier just to plow into a crowd with their car instead.
Best of Occasional Reader
How to spot when you're scraping the bottom of the barrel with your troop surge.
Best of Anonymous
"Oh yeah? Back when I was a kid we had to smuggle MUSKETS into the schoolhouse in order to bust caps in disrepectful asses."
Best of Anonymous
"Grey WOLVERIIIINES!"
Best of Anonymous
You can have my gun when you pry it out of my cold dead fing... Oh. Okay. Here it is then.
Best of attmay
Estelle Getty rehearses for Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot Part 2.
Best of Rodney Dill
Well Dick Cheney can kiss my old wrinkled ass.
Best of Submariner
Grandma? I couldn't have dinner with you because I was st... uh, stopped to feed this homeless guy who appeared to be a disabled war vet.
Best of Submariner
OK, add a couple of banana clips and 5 cases of hollow-point magnums and I think I'm ready for Halloween.
Best of Submariner
Let those Revenuers just TRY to bust our "herb garden" again, Elmer!
Best of Cybrludite
Open mike night at the senior center brings out the Stuck Mojo fans.. ♪ "Bring it to my home, Welcome to the danger zone, Cause your attitude's the reason, The triggers keep squeezing, The hunt is on and it's open season" ♪
Best of curly
"The exterior condition show regular maintenance; however, the trigger mechanism appears somewhat crudded-up. The recoil’s not bad, but the sights need adjustment. I’ll take this, a laser sight, four boxes of ammo and a case of those Cindy Sheehan targets.”
Best of prince of leaves
Robert Byrd's first wife Dottie decides a hundred and forty-six years of unpaid alimony is enough.
Best of Adjustah
I'd like to see that cat crap in my tomato garden now...
Hat tip: Probably Timmeh!, but possibly John Schneider.
33 comments:
Always market-savvy to the needs of an aging population, Aimpoint's new Bifocal Red Dot Sight has been a smashing success.
How to spot when you're scraping the bottom of the barrel with your troop surge.
"Oh yeah? Back when I was a kid we had to smuggle MUSKETS into the schoolhouse in order to bust caps in disrepectful asses."
In an unfortunate Post Traumatic Stress flashback, Doctor Ruth inexplicably drew a bead on a jewish pervert in her roundtable panel.
"Grey WOLVERIIIINES!"
Enduring her philandering husband's inexplicable late-nite return home for the last time, Mrs. McCain was determined to finally make John talk this time.
You can have my gun when you pry it out of my cold dead fing... Oh. Okay. Here it is then.
Anticipating a flock of lawyers to gather at the Libby trial, Cheney sends his lackeys to go shopping for a better gun.
You damn birds, always $#!+ing on my car window!
Estelle Getty rehearses for Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot Part 2.
The return of Dr. Jack Kevorkian
Well Dick Cheney can kiss my old wrinkled ass.
112 is not just an age, its an attitude.
Grandma? I couldn't have dinner with you because I was st... uh, stopped to feed this homeless guy who appeared to be a disabled war vet.
Eleanor enjoyed the senior center's showing of the "War of the Worlds" in a REALLY unique manner.
(That smelly pirate hooker bi-yotch in 3F thinks she's gonna take MY man, does she?)
OK, add a couple of banana clips and 5 cases of hollow-point magnums and I think I'm ready for Halloween.
While the Asians were the better cooks, it took a "great white hunter" to keep the pantry full of poodles.
Let those Revenuers just TRY to bust our "herb garden" again, Elmer!
They came to regret showing "Blackhawk Down" at the senior center...
Open mike night at the senior center brings out the Stuck Mojo fans...
♪ "Bring it to my home, Welcome to the danger zone, Cause your attitude's the reason, The triggers keep squeezing, The hunt is on and it's open season" ♪
Cataracts my ass...have you looked through the scope on this thing?
-Doubleu
Elaine took her job as President of the Condo owner's association very seriously.
-DoubleU
"PULL!"
"The exterior condition show regular maintenance; however, the trigger mechanism appears somewhat crudded-up. The recoil’s not bad, but the sights need adjustment. I’ll take this, a laser sight, four boxes of ammo and a case of those Cindy Sheehan targets.”
Bernice auditions for the role of Sylvester Stalone’s female sidekick for the upcoming ‘Rambo 16’.
Detective Foley had serious misgivings regarding potential for the new Southfield Community Watch program's success.
After decades of warnings about low birthrates and an aging population, images of a "typical army recruit in Europe" finally started to bother some people.
After Alpo raises its canned dog-food prices for the third time in as many years, prescription drug pauper Ettie Mae Slavin decides it's time to economize with a combat rifle and an all-you-can-eat pigeon license.
Having retained her perfect eyesight and steady handsd well into her eighties, Mabel was the ideal sniper recruit for the Granny Warriors' paramilitary wing...at least, until the rifle's recoil pulverized every bone in her osteoporosis-afflicted body.
Robert Byrd's first wife Dottie decides a hundred and forty-six years of unpaid alimony is enough.
My grandson Timmy's stationed in Iraq, but he still sends me the most wonderful birthday presents...
I'd like to see that cat crap in my tomato garden now...
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