Monday, January 29, 2007

Doofus Goes to Davos


1. "But I'm not... Oh, well, twenty bucks is twenty bucks... 'All the best, Ted Cassidy'"

2. "Room 334 at the Sheraton. Knock Twice. I'll be wearing something from Victoria's Secret."

3. "Don't worry this time, infidel senator. There's at least twenty of us who would literally kill for the honor of dining with you."

4. "It's called, 'Dianetics,' and it will Blow Your Mind!"

5. "There you go, Ayatollah. You're now the proud owner of a slightly used crazy billionaire wife."

6. "Sure, I'll sign your 'Death to Infidels' manifesto. I'd hate to be some kind of pariah."

7. (continued from six) "Let me fix a couple of spelling errors here. 'Thermonuclear' is one word, and there's no 'u' in 'New York' There ya go."

8. "Petition to cancel 24 and behead Rupert Murdoch? I'll sign that."

9. "Ecstasy Facial? I'll sign up for that."

10. "Thanks for the autograph. The kids will never believe I met Cat Stevens."

Best of silhouette
"You sign with a style reminiscent of Jengis Khan."

Best of The Man
If Kerry had won: "We surrender"

Best of The Man
...and take this receipt to the counter and we will hook you up with all 57 varieties of Heinz sauces. Thanks again

Best of The Man
Andrew Sullivan fan club? Where do I sign?

Best of curly
“So I’ll denounce amerika if you change the virgin count in the afterlife from 72 to 57, thereby planting the subliminal message to over 1 billion Moslems that my Heinz 57 steak sauce tastes like a bit of paradise.”

Best of Submariner
"So let me get this straight - as a Muslim I have the right to kill any female family member for reasons of honor? I don't know of this 'honor' of which you speak, but DA-AMN!; you BETI'll convert!"

Best of Submariner
Trust me - Amway will make you rich!

Best of Van Helsing
"Sure I'll sign over my soul to your Dark Master. It's mortgaged to the hilt anyway."

Best of bad-d-d-dude
"You know education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well, and if you don’t, well, you might end up in an insufferably hot, dry isolated part of the world, wearing baggy, uncomforable clothes and leading a bunch of towel-head zealots to their certain demise. But, I digress. By the way, did you know I served in Vietnam?

Best of Occasional Reader
"... yeah, 'I will not rate', that's perfect. Now sign it, um, 'Big-Time Texas Air National Guard General, 1972.' Oh, and add, 'cc: Elders of Zion'. I'm SO happy we're finally working together, Senator."

Best of Double the U
Mister, if you just buy two more magazine subscriptions I will get to go to the finals for free.


Hat Tip: LGF

20 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

"Yes, yes, we'll be sure to get that Secret Service Agent that pushed you down first."

silhouette said...

"You sign with a style reminiscent of Jengis Khan."

The Man said...

(What if....President Kerry)
"We surrender"

The Man said...

...and take this receipt to the counter and we will hook you up with all 57 varieties of Heinz sauces. Thanks again

The Man said...

Andrew Sullivan fan club? Where do I sign?

curly said...

“Yes, Your Holiness. This is the ‘before’ part that I’ll later refer to when I’ll state that I called amerka a pariah before I said that it wasn’t a pariah.”

“No kidding, 72 virgins? I’ll contribute Teresa to the cause, after she gets a hymenoplasty.”

“So if I sign this paper stating that amerika is an evil pariah, you’ll place an order for 50,000 gallons of ketchup?”

curly said...

“So I’ll denounce amerika if you change the virgin count in the afterlife from 72 to 57, thereby planting the subliminal message to over 1 billion Moslems that my Heinz 57 steak sauce tastes like a bit of paradise.”

Submariner said...

"So let me get this straight - as a Muslim I have the right to kill a female family member for reasons of honor? I'm kinda unfamiliar with that whole 'honor' concept, but DA-AMN!; you BETI'll convert!"

Submariner said...

You're sure you have the authority to sign the US Treasury check to pay jizyah for the entire great satan?

Submariner said...

Trust me - Amway will make you rich!

Submariner said...

V. you need to check out the pic of Hillary on Drudge -
http://d.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/rids/20070128/i/r819223333.jpg?

Anonymous said...

More like Doofus Does Davos.

Submariner said...

V. - If you use it, please lead off with "Hillary Clinton gives a teaser for her presentation of 'The Vagina Monologues.' This Presidential campaign fundraiser is available for a limited time only."

Van Helsing said...

"Sure I'll sign over my soul to your Dark Master. It's mortgaged to the hilt anyway."

Van Helsing said...

Botched Joke has finally learned to go where he's welcome when visiting the Middle East. That ought to teach the troops who wouldn't sit at his table.

bad-d-d-dude said...

"You know education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well, and if you don’t, well, you might end up in an insufferably hot, dry isolated part of the world, wearing baggy, uncomforable clothes and leading a bunch of towel-head zealots to their certain demise. But, I digress. By the way, did you know I served in Vietnam?

Occasional Reader said...

"... yeah, 'I will not rate', that's perfect. Now sign it, um, 'Big-Time Texas Air National Guard General, 1972.' Oh, and add, 'cc: Elders of Zion'. I'm SO happy we're finally working together, Senator."

dusty said...

Anybody ever tell you that you look a lot like Osama, big guy?

curly said...

"Can you get me Jimmy Carter's signature, peace be upon him?"

Double the U said...

Mister, if you just buy two more magazine subscriptions I will get to go to the finals for free.