Friday, January 26, 2007

Catsuit and Rugrats

1. Michelle Pfeiffer has really let herself go.

2. "Simmer down, I have enemas for both of you."

3. "Hold on, Jenny. I just need to get a urine sample from Billy."

4. "Look, honey, when you're a little older, mommy will explain how role-playing and whips make daddy love her more."

5. "In retrospect, I should have known, 'Don't worry, I've had a bat-sectomy' was just a line."

6. "I forget, was it the martini or the baby he wanted 'shaken, not stirred.' Well, since you can't stir a baby..."

7. "Thanks, Jenny, but I think one human shield will be enough to get me past the SWAT team."

8. Rosie O'Donnell forces the help to dress in the style of whatever 60's TV character she's fetishizing that week. Next up, Mrs. Howell.

9. "Spit out my valium right now or we'll go out on the balcony and play Michael Jackson."

10. "Sorry, Lourdes, but you're just Mrs. Ciccone's cloned organ bank. Only Rocko is to be shown human affection."

Best of Van Helsing
The sequel to Hallie Barre's Catwoman was so awful that even an interracial kiddie sex angle couldn't get it into the Sundance Film Festival.

Best of sonicfrog
Quick Billy! Grab a pen and poke its eye out!!!

Best of Jack Reacher
Your daddy's name is Robin. I last saw him in Times Square. Let us never speak of him again.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Mommy, teach me how to lick myself too."

Best of prince of leaves
It wouldn't be until they left for college that homeschooled Janie and Jimmy would learn to use a toilet instead of a litterbox.

Best of prince of leaves
Suddenly, a furball caught in her throat. In the ensuing coughing spasm, Catnanny coated both children in sticky lumps of her half-digested leg hair that took three hours and a gallon of rubbing alcohol to clean off.

Best of prince of leaves
Even though he was able to find his soul mate and start a family thanks to their service, Match.com had serious qualms about Dennis Abner's offer to do testimonial advertisements.

Best of The Man
Why Condi doesn't have kids.

Best of Submariner
Cat-nanny's troubles started when she took the kids to the park, where she was observed repeatedly covering them up with sand...

Best of Adjustah
With Super-Grover now dead on the floor, Catwoman knew she had to do something with the witnesses...

Best of Anonymous
"Spit out those anal beads for mommy! SPIT OUT THOSE ANAL BEADS!" Another tragic moment in the home of a dominatrix.



Same as the other one.

19 comments:

Van Helsing said...

The sequel to Hallie Barre's Catwoman was so awful that even an interracial kiddie sex angle couldn't get it into the Sundance Film Festival.

sonicfrog said...

Quick Billy! Grab a pen and poke its eye out!!!

Submariner said...

Why is mommy dressed this way? Cause daddy likes pussy, that's why.

Jack Reacher said...

Your daddy's name is Robin. I last saw him in Times Square. Let us never speak of him again.

Rodney Dill said...

"Mommy, teach me how to lick myself too."

Rodney Dill said...

Eventually Pussy Galore's failure to catch on like James Bond caused a nervous breakdown.

prince of leaves said...

Illegal alien superhero nannies -- doing the jobs mundanes won't do.

prince of leaves said...

It wouldn't be until they left for college that homeschooled Janie and Jimmy would learn to use a toilet instead of a litterbox.

prince of leaves said...

Suddenly, a furball caught in her throat. In the ensuing coughing spasm, Catnanny coated both children in sticky lumps of her half-digested leg hair that took three hours and a gallon of rubbing alcohol to clean off.

prince of leaves said...

Cats like to play with their catch first.

prince of leaves said...

Even though he was able to find his soul mate and start a family thanks to their service, Match.com had serious qualms about Dennis Abner's offer to do testimonial advertisements.

The Man said...

Why Condi doesn't have kids.

curly said...

"Quit your crying, you little hair ball."

curly said...

"Now pumpkin, you need to start using the litter box, just like Mommy showed you."

curly said...

Miss Kitty's abusive child rearing practices posed a dilemma to the local authorities: should they call Child Protective Services or PETA?

Submariner said...

Cat-nanny's troubles started when she took the kids to the park, where she was observed repeatedly covering them up with sand...

Adjustah said...

With Super-Grover now dead on the floor, Catwoman knew she had to do something with the witnesses...

Anonymous said...

Spit out those anal beads for mommy! SPIT OUT THOSE ANAL BEADS! Another tragic moment in the home of a dominatrix.

Jonathan said...

"Spit it out and figure out a way to get your OWN crazy candy, ya little bastage!"