Saturday, December 09, 2006

Warm and Fuzzy Time of Year

1. "I'll give you $100 for the list of Naughty Girls."

2. "I'm just saying, Santa, it would be really nice if I got a Nintendo Wii for Christmas and it would be really nice if nobody pissed in your milk and cookies. Do we understand each other?"

3. "Ho! Ho! Ho!" Billy instinctively turned, expecting to see Paris Hilton, Gwen Stefani, and Scarlett Johanssen.

4. "... and long flowing blonde hair and a Billabong bikini, and..."

5. "Naughty? That's a value judgment! Help! Help! My self-esteem is being threatened. I need an adult!"

6. "When you put it that way, Santa, Mark Foley did get a raw deal."

7. "... and a Taser to hold of Uncle Barney's unwanted advances."

8. Actually, we're Satanists. I just wanted to sit on your lap.

9. "Actually, this cute act is just to get close enough to serve you with a subpeona. You're going down, fat man!"

10. "What the Hell is a butt-plug?" Santa hated taking the list from that Sullivan kid.

Best of elliot
Actually, all I want is a cure for my uncontrollable bladder condition...oops.

Best of Silhouette
You ain't foolin' nobody with that personalized belt buckle, elf boy. If you was a real redneck, them deer would be on your wall by now.

Best of prince of leaves
"No, I think sitting on your lap in front of the whole mall and horrifying my stick-in-the-mud fundamentalist parents who eschew the commercialization of Christ's birth and the pagan-derived trappings of the holiday is just about all I could have wished for..."

Best of prince of leaves
"Well, we don't have a fireplace for you to come down, Santa, but my mom's boyfriend assures me that his water bong will do in a pinch..."

Best of jud
So let me get this straight...your beard used to be white until you sat here for three straight weeks without a bath because you can't afford a home on the salary you get for working two months out of the year?

Best of andthenblammo!
"Why, yes, Santa, as a matter of fact I do like gladiator movies!"

Best of The Man
Would asking you to remove your hand from my ass be too much for Christmas?

Christmas in Americana

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Actually, all I want is a cure for my uncontrollable bladder condition...opps.

Anonymous said...

"You mean I can get off your naughty list if I give you a lap dance?....Um, Santa, what is a lap dance?"

Anonymous said...

Mark Foley reappears as a public figure..."Santa why do you want my email address?"

Silhouette said...

You ain't foolin' nobody with that personalized belt buckle, elf boy. If you was a real redneck, them deer would be on your wall by now.

prince of leaves said...

"So, if 'Santa' is an anagram of 'Satan', then that makes you.....MOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!"

prince of leaves said...

"No, I think sitting on your lap in front of the whole mall and horrifying my stick-in-the-mud fundamentalist parents who eschew the commercialization of Christ's birth and the pagan-derived trappings of the holiday is just about all I could have wished for..."

prince of leaves said...

"Well, we don't have a fireplace for you to come down, Santa, but my mom's boyfriend assures me that his water bong will do in a pinch..."

Cricket said...

Oh, and make Gwyneth Paltrow stay in England to drive Madonna nuts.

I would also like that last surfer chick that Vinnie put up, but can
we put her in cryogenic sleep until I am 25?

jud said...

So let me get this straight...your beard used to be white until you sat here for three straight weeks without a bath because you can't afford a home on the salary you get for working two months out of the year?

andthenblammo! said...

"Why, yes, Santa, as a matter of fact I do like gladiator movies!"

The Man said...

Would asking you to remove your hand from my ass be too much for Christmas?

WhoopsieDaisey said...

hmmmm, I can see both your hands, Santa; how can you be poking my thigh with a finger?

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