Saturday, December 30, 2006

Out in the Woodsy Woods

1. "We've only been in these woods for half an hour, and there's a state highway right over there. I don't think we need to resort to drinking each other's urine just yet, Mr. Sullivan."

2. "Are you telling me the only trace of the teenagers you've found at this abandoned summer camp is some old hockey mask?"

3. "I think you should go ask those inbred rednecks for directions, Ken. After all, you do have the purtiest mouth."

4. The Revenuers still haven't found the still V the K's family keeps in the woods behind the homestead.

5. "I got a better idea. Before those meddling kids foil our plans, let's butcher them and their little dog, too."

6. "Now, I don't want you guys to panic, or anything, but this is the exact same Oregon wilderness where Bear Grylls ate his entire camera crew out of sheer desperation."

7. "This looks like a good place for the concentration camp. Soon as we clear out the trees, we'll start trucking in the homos and leftists."

8. Mythbusters Tackles the Question: If you pull a man's finger in the forest, does it make a poot?

9. "Look, all we have to do is survive in Dick Cheney's woods for 24 hours, and then we're free."

10. "OK, Gina, we'll set up the camera here, you, Buck, and the dog strip down and get ready for the scene."

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, but "Scraps" will have to be shot.

Submariner said...

OK, since no one thought to bring the freeze-dried meals, looks like Korean-Kebabs for the duration of this trip...

Submariner said...

Now that T-Rex has Dawn's scent, turn him loose for some sport. I suggest starting in that direction where the leaves are rustling and the screams are echoing...

Submarienr said...

This section is pretty well emptied, but I think that we should be able to rustle up enough squirrels over there to make the melts for our Superbowl party.

Submariner said...

Here's the shovel, Lorraine - we need a snipe-pit about 100 yadrds over there. The rest of us will circle back around and drive 'em to you. Be ready...

Targetpractice said...

Footage from the new horror movie starring Hillary Clinton: "The Blair Bitch Project"

Submariner said...

A "Moore Pit?" My mistake - bring in the backhoe...

2spotlefty said...

"Yeah I wantcha ta rake ALL these leaves. And I wantcha ta pile 'em between yer freakin knees!"

2spotlefty said...

"And if you look to my right,you can see a 'North American Self Fisting ALgore' swapping spit with it's natural lover and mate for life,the 'Antisemytus Hamafro-ditus'.Oh no,turn away,it's achieving 'peakage'.

NASFAg: "He betrayed...he betrayed...he betraaaaaaaaaaaaayed our cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuntryyyyyyyyyy!!!!"

Female witness:"Ooo GROSS!"

2spotlefty said...

"No really, I was standing right over there when a roaming band of horny liberals rushed these trees and humped them leafless!"

2spotlefty said...

Captured in action,Smedley Wangfizzle and his team of forest forensic psycologists map out a strategy of how to approach the traumitized timber after their recent deleafing.

2spotlefty said...

Captured on film,THE moment j.kerrys team of advisers went wrong:
When team leader Gilby O'dullass forgot to unsheathe his mighty "finger of disdain", before he moistened it, and thrust it up,up, into the great wind of American political guesswork!

2spotlefty said...

"Yeah sure Meadow,you GO in the cave and assure the bear we mean him no harm.We'll wait here for your return, when we shower you with confetti,noisemakers and massive blood transfusions."

2spotlefty said...

"No,we are NOT going to throw him INTO the tree,we'll simply tie 'Mr. Pointy' to the trunk and when 'Mr. Grizzly' comes down to bond with his animal friend,BAMMO,we initiate an encounter session."

2spotlefty said...

"No, YOU listen to ME 'Mr. Bigshot, Point & Order us around'! YOU shimmy up the tree and bring us down some 'edibles' or my Lester here is gonna mount you and find some chewable 'twigs and berries' of his own!"

2spotlefty said...

"Come on guys,I learned ALL of the parts from Deliverance for this trip,can I please be someone besides Ned Beatty today?"

2spotlefty said...

"No I did NOT see Silence of the Lambs...Why are you all staring at me like that?...."

Cricket said...

"See that strange creature over in the park? It left 'something' and we have to bury it."

sonicfrog said...

... the mother ship came in from yonder o'er thar!

Submariner said...

I dunno - this "Walden 25th Year Reunion" thing just isn't working for me Mr. Doonesbury...

Adjustah said...

Oh yeah, I'm getting a raging clue right now...