Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Dining Alone in Iraq


1. "Soylent Green is made out of dumb peasants who didn't study hard and got stuck in Iraq!"

2. "Why does this 'foie gras' have little lumps of Tidy Cat stuck to it?

3. "Are these scrambled eggs, or someone's idea of a botched joke?"

4. "See if you can get one of these dumb peasants who didn't study hard and got stuck in Iraq to hold my hair while I purge."

5. "Why do these bran flakes taste like boogers?"

6. "I do believe one of these dumb peasants who didn't study hard and got stuck in Iraq pissed in my apple juice."

7. "Would one of you dumb peasants who didn't study hard and got stuck in Iraq get some gin for Tuhrayzuh's Raisin Bran?"

8. "No, senator, I'm afraid there's no booze in the officer's club. Howard Dean's kid came by and cleaned the place out."

9. "Actually, Tuhrayzuh is just as good in the kitchen as she is in the bedroom; in both places, I end up handling my own meat."

10. "When is that stupid waiter who didn't study hard and got stuck in Iraq going to get back here with my Parmesan?"

Best of Van Helsing
"The last time I sat at a table this empty was when Tuhrayzuh let one rip after a few too many anchovy hors d'oeuvres."

Best of Submariner
That's ok - none of you un-educated military rubes would be ABLE to understand the subtley layered nuances I use anyway. Do any of the rest of you have hotcakes that smell like a latrine?

Best of The Man
John Kerry burnt his tongue on his latte and then applied for his fourth purple heart.

Best of Charlie
"I know I asked that illiterate messcrank for geedunk...and he gave me this shit on a shingle"

Best of Submariner
"They'll sit down and talk to me when I get them a can of 'relative bearing grease' Great! Just freaking great! Where the heck am I going to get one of those?"

Best of Doubting Nick
"I was fed my meal in a fashion reminiscent of Jen-Jiss Caan...."

Best of Targetpractice
In the next photo, Sen. Kerry cut himself with his plastic knife, claiming he was attacking the Vietcong who popped out from under his table. He later put in for his fourth purple heart and a bronze star.

Best of Submariner
"...ah, yes - I remember Christmas in Cambodia. There I was, surrounded by enemies; unable to tell anyone about it for fear of offending party leadership."

Best of Anonymous
No, that white patch on my lips in not leprosy. And no, you really don't want to know what it really is, either.

Best of southchild
“Well, I asked for some dinner companions before I decided against it…"

Best of Rodney Dill
"Whaddya mean Jane Fonda isn't gonna be here. Damn that Cheney punked me again."

Best of 2spotlefty
"Who ARE these people!?! I mean reeeeeally,this place is soooo not the Hamptons! Garsone! DO YOU MIND!?! Freshen my beverage(with the funny spittle flavor)would you?"

Best of Adjustah
Senator Kerry dines with his Army supporters...


The pic Everybody is talking about comes from Powerline and Captain's Quarters.

42 comments:

Van Helsing said...

"The last time I sat at a table this empty was when Tuhrayzuh let one rip after a few too many anchovy hors d'oeuvres."

nevergrewup said...

"Excuse me, does anyone have any Grey Poupon".

jeff said...

"British? This is a British dining facility? I'm gonna kill that Lieutenant!"

John Kerry - dissed by the soldiers of two countries.

"What do you mean their aren't any French soldiers here - isn't this Afghanistan?"

nanc said...

john who?

Anonymous said...

"You know I served in Vietnam AND Iraq."

jcrue said...

I'm sorry, Senator, we only "kerry" Hunt's Ketchup.

Submariner said...

Would the Senator care for some rice in the hopes of "winning" another purple heart?

Submariner said...

You see, in MY plan we simply convince the patriots of the so-called "insurgency" to participate in multi-lateral peace talks for their country. BRILLIANT! But then I may be talking to myself...

Submariner said...

That's ok - none of you un-educated military rubes would be ABLE to understand the subtley layered nuances I use anyway. Do any of the rest of you have hotcakes that smell like a latrine?

Submariner said...

SEE? If you KNEW how to make something as simple as a bowl of cereal you wouldn't BE stuck here...

Anonymous said...

No, no I am saving these seats.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm Humble pie...again

Anonymous said...

VtheK realizes that he should probably switch over to the New Blogger.

Anonymous said...

Andrew Sullivan was also at the table...but was not in the photo as he was on his knees.

Anonymous said...

John Kerry burnt his tounge on his latte and then applied for his fourth purple heart.

Charlie said...

"I know I asked that illiterate messcrank for geedunk...and he gave me this shit on a shingle"

chasnh stssn(ss) USS GW Carver Gold

Submariner said...

Charlie said...
"I know I asked that illiterate messcrank for geedunk...and he gave me this shit on a shingle"


Well done, sea pup - but ya shoulda added something about bug juice for us old-timers.

bwahahahahahahahaah

Submariner said...

"They'll sit down and talk to me when I get them a can of 'relative bearing grease' Great! Just freaking great! Where the heck am I going to get one of those?"

Doubting Nick said...

"I was fed my meal in a fashion reminiscent of Jen-Jiss Caan...."

sonicfrog said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
sonicfrog said...

"...so as I was saying, I was in..."

Charlie said...

Hi Submariner...maybe he'll get a can of relative bearing grease right after they find him 3 feet of chow line!...and by the way...I have a great bug juice story for you

Buckley F. Williams said...

Maybe you fellows can help me out. I'm looking for a couple of soldiers from this unit who wrote and said they'd like to meet with me; Lt. Betty Humpder, and Sgt. Phil McCracken.

Anonymous said...

Look guys, the democrats are not going to be able to get you out as quickly as we promised the people during the election... However I can show you how to get three purple hearts and you will be out of here inside of four months.

Anonymous said...

"No wonder there isn't anyone here this food sucks!"

Karridine said...

"Notice the response..."
"Notice the soldiers' lack of response..."
"Notice the soldiers'..."

"Uhm, is this a trick question?"

Targetpractice said...

Don't look now, but this photo just sank some Lieutenant's career.

"Don't these peasants know how to make a proper breakfast? Oh, I'm in the British mess hall..."

In the next photo, Sen. Kerry cut himself with his plastic knife, claiming he was attacking the Vietcong who popped out from under his table. He later put in for his fourth purple heart and a bronze star.

Pedantius said...

Tonight, J. Forbes Kerry will recall all of those "plastic turkey" jokes he made...and weep into his pillow.

Submariner said...

"...ah, yes - I remember Christmas in Cambodia. There I was, surrounded by enemies; unable to tell anyone about it for fear of offending party leadership."

Anonymous said...

No, that white patch on my lips in not leprosy. And no, you really don't want to know what it really is, either.

johnh said...

Now I've been served in both Iraq and Vietnam...

Submariner said...

I didn't know it GOT this cold in Iraq...

southchild said...

“Well, I asked for some dinner companions before I decided against it…"

Rodney Dill said...

"There's a lot of sand, so there aren't any swiftboats here, right?"

Rodney Dill said...

"Whaddya mean Jane Fonda isn't gonna be here. Damn that Cheney punked me again."

Submariner said...

Actually, the soldiers are just leaving room for Jack Bauer... (blue blood is hard to get out of digital camis).



V. think you'll love this web page - http://boortz.com/more/funny/jack_bauer_truths.html - my favorite is "Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars."

Anonymous said...

"An Army of One!

2spotlefty said...

"Who ARE these people!?! I mean reeeeeally,this place is soooo not the Hamptons! Garsone! DO YOU MIND!?! Freshen my beverage(with the funny spittle flavor)would you?"

2spotlefty said...

jfk reading ingredients of his meal,"Hmm,flour,granulated sugar,partially hydrogenated k-9 fe-ce-ce-ce-ce-ceeeeeesshurrrrrrllll!!!"

2spotlefty said...

"Like my mother said to me on her death bed,'No spaghetti
No spaghetti
No sraghetti!
Stick with pate son,stick to what you know'."

2spotlefty said...

Hanoi Times Exclusive

"FATHER OF OUR 'GREAT VICTORY' DINES WITH LATEST VICTIMS"

Adjustah said...

Senator Kerry dines with his Army supporters...