Monday, November 27, 2006

The White Trash Christmas Catalog Presents...


1. "And on the other arm, I want a big pink triangle with 'Gay Power' in Old English font."

2. ORA: "You're sure I couldn't get Twig or Dizzle to do this?"

3. Junior Hepatitis B Treatment Kit sold separately

4. "I'm thinking about a 10 gauge for the nipple piercing. I'm a dominant top, is that right or left tit?"

5. "I want to remark on your strong, gentle hands, but we've already done the gay joke."

6. "When you do the crucixion scene on my chest, it will look like Jesus giving me a 'bad touch' on either nipple."

7. If Billy's school had devoted more effort to literacy and less to 'Contemporary Modes of Self-Expression,' Johnny wouldn't have 'Borned 2 bee Wyold' tattooed on his bicep.

8. "What do you say later, we tattoo 'bitch' on Pedro and Leon's foreheads?"

9. "In juvie, we just used guitar string and shoe polish."

10. "Won't Father O'Malley freak when he sees the swastika you tattooed on my left butt cheek?"

Best of The Man
That's capital K and lower case FED. Don't forget the dash.

Best of The Man
Kiddie Meth Lab sold separately

Best of ac1
Timmy was later voted most likely to be called an "icehead" and thrown to the ground on an episode of "Dog the Bounty Hunter" by his junior high school classmates.

Best of David
New, from Kenner, a pen.

Best of prince of leaves
Cigarette logo and NASCAR-themed tattoo sets sold separately.

Best of prince of leaves
"I dinnint want mah Jimmy livin' on welfare when he growed up, so I gots him an educational, career-buildin' gift this year."

Best of prince of leaves
"Mom didn't get me the piercing kit to go with it, but I'm sure we can improvise with the new power-nailer she got her boyfriend."

Best of Adjustah
The Ritchie family loved it when the Federline boy stayed for dinner.

Source: For Parents Who Have Just Given Up

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Okay, I want a SKULL and CROSS bones
with a white upper lip and the words "Got Milk?"

The Man said...

That's capital K and lower case FED. Don't forget the dash.

The Man said...

The Kiddie Meth Lab sold separately

ac1 said...

Timmy was later voted most likely to be called an "icehead" and thrown to the ground on an episode of "Dog the Bounty Hunter" by his junior high school classmates.

David said...

New, from Kenner, a pen.

prince of leaves said...

Cigarette logo and NASCAR-themed tattoo sets sold separately.

prince of leaves said...

"I dinnint want mah Jimmy livin' on welfare when he growed up, so I gots him an educational, career-buildin' gift this year."

prince of leaves said...

"Mom didn't get me the piercing kit to go with it, but I'm sure we can improvise with the new power-nailer she got her boyfriend."

prince of leaves said...

Dennis Smith would later trace his strange obsession to a gift from his eccentric, spinster aunt one long-ago Christmas.

divine miss m said...

"You pudknocker, I said EAGLE, not BEAGLE!"

Jonathan said...

"Can we fit 'Put me down, Jim Webb, I'm NOT Cambodian!' on my forehead?"

Submariner said...

V. - riffing on your #8:

"What do you say later, we tattoo 'bitch' on Pedro and Leon's foreskins?"

Submariner said...

When we return to E! Hollywood Insider:
Danny Bonaduce gave clear indications that he was troubled early on in his career...

Submariner said...

Bet this makes the boys in Ms. Letorneau's class notice us, eh Cindy?

Submariner said...

Sucks that we're ridin' Schwynn's and not Harley's after this...

Adjustah said...

The Ritchie family loved it when the Federline boy stayed for dinner.