Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Lurching to the Internet
1. "Well, Mr Kerry, if you want to got with white text on a black background and a picture of Helen Thomas for your website, that's up to you. But your unique visit count is gonna get creamed."
2. "Really, Mr Kerry? I figured if I didn't study, I'd just end up going on welfare and voting for you guys."
3. "That's just a YouTube viddy, Mr. Kerry. It can't pull your finger."
4. "Oh, yeah, whoever is doing the Andrianna Sullington posts is a real stitch."
5. "OK, now IM Maf54 back and ask him how big his schlong is."
6. "I already told you, you CAN'T be both a Night Elf and a Palladin, Ar-Tard! Damn! are you sure fifty million people voted for you?"
7. "Could you photoshop Bush to make it look like he's eating a turd? The guys at Kos and MoveOn love that kind of thing."
8. "No, no, that's quite clearly Scarlett Johanssen's head photoshopped onto the body of Miss April. Nice beaver shot, though."
9. "I need you to clean out my bookmarks and completely destroy my cache files. And I'll give you a bright, shiny quarter."
10. "Okay, the boobs are about the right size. Let's get the Barbie doll and put the bras on our heads."
Best of Capt. Queeg
"Now just click the box that says you're over 18 and you're in."
Best of Submariner
OK, so if we change that string there, will it make all votes a straight Dem ticket?
Great - we're in! Now hack the will itself - make it leave everything to me and give her one of those "don't resuscitate me under any circumstances" clauses...
Now IM Teddy with "It's so cold here - why don't you visit me? Mary Jo"
Best of The Man
"Come on son, this caption contest has to have an Andrew Sullivan reference."
Best of jeff
"Hey Johnny, can we pull up my grades at Yale and, um, tweak them until they are better than George Bush's?"
Best of curly
"I can see by your computerized test results that you're a total dumbass and would make great cannon fodder for Bushitler's illegal war."
Best of Jonathan
In the background, Chub and Macaca were stifling their laughter as they digitally remastered Kerry's voice to say "I'm John Kerry, and I'm reporting for Andrew Sullivan's booty!"
Best of GOP & College
I thought Teresa told me that video was in a safe place.
Best of Mr. Right
"Will you look at that picture right there, son? That just goes to prove what I said about the idiots in our armed forces... their spelling and grammar is absolutely atrocious, poor dumb bastards!"
Best of What, me worry?
"Mark Foley's problem was that he text-messaged young boys and left a trail. I however prefer the direct dialogue approach."
Best of curly
"No, you illiterate moron, Heinz 57 is a steak sauce and not a reference to any flip-flopping that I may have done on a particular issue."
Best of Jay Guevara
"See, that's the exact point when I realized my Presidential ambitions had gone into the crapper."