Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Lurching to the Internet



1. "Well, Mr Kerry, if you want to got with white text on a black background and a picture of Helen Thomas for your website, that's up to you. But your unique visit count is gonna get creamed."

2. "Really, Mr Kerry? I figured if I didn't study, I'd just end up going on welfare and voting for you guys."

3. "That's just a YouTube viddy, Mr. Kerry. It can't pull your finger."

4. "Oh, yeah, whoever is doing the Andrianna Sullington posts is a real stitch."

5. "OK, now IM Maf54 back and ask him how big his schlong is."

6. "I already told you, you CAN'T be both a Night Elf and a Palladin, Ar-Tard! Damn! are you sure fifty million people voted for you?"

7. "Could you photoshop Bush to make it look like he's eating a turd? The guys at Kos and MoveOn love that kind of thing."

8. "No, no, that's quite clearly Scarlett Johanssen's head photoshopped onto the body of Miss April. Nice beaver shot, though."

9. "I need you to clean out my bookmarks and completely destroy my cache files. And I'll give you a bright, shiny quarter."

10. "Okay, the boobs are about the right size. Let's get the Barbie doll and put the bras on our heads."

Best of Capt. Queeg
"Now just click the box that says you're over 18 and you're in."

Best of Submariner
OK, so if we change that string there, will it make all votes a straight Dem ticket?

Great - we're in! Now hack the will itself - make it leave everything to me and give her one of those "don't resuscitate me under any circumstances" clauses...

Now IM Teddy with "It's so cold here - why don't you visit me? Mary Jo"

Best of The Man
"Come on son, this caption contest has to have an Andrew Sullivan reference."

Best of jeff
"Hey Johnny, can we pull up my grades at Yale and, um, tweak them until they are better than George Bush's?"

Best of curly
"I can see by your computerized test results that you're a total dumbass and would make great cannon fodder for Bushitler's illegal war."

Best of Jonathan
In the background, Chub and Macaca were stifling their laughter as they digitally remastered Kerry's voice to say "I'm John Kerry, and I'm reporting for Andrew Sullivan's booty!"

Best of GOP & College
I thought Teresa told me that video was in a safe place.

Best of Mr. Right
"Will you look at that picture right there, son? That just goes to prove what I said about the idiots in our armed forces... their spelling and grammar is absolutely atrocious, poor dumb bastards!"

Best of What, me worry?
"Mark Foley's problem was that he text-messaged young boys and left a trail. I however prefer the direct dialogue approach."

Best of curly
"No, you illiterate moron, Heinz 57 is a steak sauce and not a reference to any flip-flopping that I may have done on a particular issue."

Best of Jay Guevara
"See, that's the exact point when I realized my Presidential ambitions had gone into the crapper."

32 comments:

Capt. Queeg said...

"Now just click the box that says you're over 18 and you're in."

"Want more proof, kid? Just Google 'failure' and tell me what you see right at the top of the list."

sonicfrog said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Submariner said...

OK, so if we change that string there, will it make all votes a straight Dem ticket?

Submariner said...

OK, great! Now photoshop a burqha on Tuhrayza for me...

Submariner said...

Great - we're in! Now hack the will itself - make it leave everything to me and give her one of those "don't resuscitate me under any circumstances" clauses...

Submariner said...

>snicker< >snicker<
Now IM Teddy with "It's so cold here - why don't you visit me? Mary Jo"

Submariner said...

>snicker< >snicker<
Now IM Mikulski with "I find you strangely alluring - why don't we get together and 'chew the fat?' Hill"

Submariner said...

>snicker< >snicker<
Now IM Pelosi with "I know we've had our differences in the past, but let's get past that. Come to the West Wing tonight for dinner with Laura and I - say about 7? Let's see where we can agree on policy. W"

lawhawk said...

Now this is how to put your head up your ass so far that it makes sense.

You see, Al Gore really did invent the Internet. It says so right here.

The Man said...

"Come on son, this caption contest has to have an Andrew Sullivan reference."

jeff said...

"So Johnny, they call this 'the monitor'? Looks like a TV screen to me."

"Hey Johnny, can we pull up my grades at Yale and, um, tweak them until they are better than George Bush's?"

Kevin Walker said...

"And there's where I got one of my Purple Hearts. Don't you love Google Earth?" "Uh, Mr. Kerry, that's Taiwan. You're no where near Vietnam."

curly said...

"I can see by your computerized test results that you're a total dumbass and would make great cannon fodder for Bushitler's illegal war."

"I know son. Curly always has the funniest lines on the Caption This website."

lawhawk said...

If this photo doesn't scream caption contest, nothing does:

http://www.gothamist.com/attachments/jake/2006_10_halloween.jpg

Anonymous said...

http://www.lucianne.com/routine/images/11-01-06.JPG

I wasn't certain if he's trying to suck the breath out of that 4 year old or what

Jonathan said...

"Sorry, Senator, but I still can't see the 'sea of blue counties' in Ohio you keep pointing to!"

Jonathan said...

"Yes, sir, I get it...you're simulating Dick Cheney on a hunting trip with lawyers. I just don't think it's funny, that's all."

Jonathan said...

In the background, Chub and Macaca were stifling their laughter as they digitally remastered Kerry's voice to say "I'm John Kerry, and I'm reporting for Andrew Sullivan's booty!"

MP Martin said...

It took me three times 'fore I done gradiated the sixth grade, and right there that Mapquest 'pewter shows where my jeep got stuck in Vietnam, so let that be a lesson...

Mr. Right said...

"Can you please try the password again?
I was sure Howard said that the takeover of that right-wing site was all set for Halloween and I was supposed to be an integral part of it!"

Mr. Right said...

"See that son? That's what happens when you don't study hard and get good grades. If you don't get stuck in Iraq, you wind up like that V the K fellow, cracking Andrew Sullivan jokes every ten minutes on the internet!"

GOP & College said...

I thought Teresa told me that video was in a safe place.

Mr. Right said...

"Will you look at that picture right there, son? That just goes to prove what I said about the idiots in our armed forces... their spelling and grammar is absolutely atrocious, poor dumb bastards!"

Submariner said...

V. - a number of cap-worthy options available at SI

Halloween NFL fans start at
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/multimedia/photo_gallery/0610/gallery.nfl.fans.halloween/content.1.html

and Halloween dogs start at
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/multimedia/photo_gallery/0610/gallery.topdog/content.1.html

Van Helsing said...

"You're right Senator, this site is swell. Can I borrow some of that paper towel?"

Van Helsing said...

"You see that, son? Those peasants at Caption This! are making fun of me again!"

MP Martin said...

Wipe that smirk off your face Andy! I said type in "Stuck in Iraq", not "stuck in the back".

What, me worry? said...

"It was just a botched joke. Speaking of botched jokes, check out my wife Teresa Heinz Kerry at Ketchup.commie."

"Mark Folet's problem was that he text-messaged young boys and left a trail. I however prefer the direct dialogue approach."

"You can clearly see here where I voted for the $87 billion before I voted againt it."

"See the picture of the Tidy Bowl Man? That's what I think of my fellow Swift Boat veterans."

"...and here's a picture of me tossing my medals over the White House fence...Here's me hugging Hanoi Jane Fonda...Here's me testifying before Congress about abuses in Veitnam...Here's me flip-flopping on the War on Islamofacism...Here's me..."

"I got a Purple Heart for getting shot n the ass...Want to see my scar?"

What, me worry? said...

"No, that's neither an ocean of Heinz ketchup nor a sea of Heinz Chunky Salza. It's an artist's rendition of all of the millions of aborted fetuses that have occured due to good Democrats just like me."

curly said...

"No, you illiterate moron, Heinz 57 is a steak sauce and not a reference to any flip-flopping that I may have done on a particular issue."

Jay Guevara said...

"See, that's the exact point when I realized my Presidential ambitions had gone into the crapper."

Cricket said...

"You want to talk about stupid? Well, that is the journal entry I made about being stuck on the river into Cambodia over Christmas.
It was the Christmas of 1968, when Nixon was president."

"Yes, that is my picture in the Communist Museum, honoring me for helping to defeat America."