1. After what Ricky did in the maintenance hangar, all the other airplanes started ignoring him.2. "And when we get to 30,000 feet, yell 'Allahu Akhbar!' and detonate. Thanks for ending profiling, Nancy Pelosi."
3. "Aw, shit, I just noticed there's a fat Mexican, a hot fugitive chick, an Iraqi, an incestuous teenage couple, and a crippled bald guy on this flight. Get me the Hell Out of Here!"
4. "Your captain, John Denver, and your first officer, Cory Lidle, wish you a very short and pleasant flight."
5. "Your Captain, Mohammed Abdul, and your first officer, Abdul Mohammed, wish you a very short and unpleasant flight. Allahu Akhbar!"
Best of Rodney Dill
"As soon as the dwarves are done with flight 101, they'll come pull us into the gate."
Best of curly
"Captain! Look at this long line for takeoff. It's a good thing I was able to sneak some Jack Daniels into the cockpit."
Best of Submariner
Heckuva landing, Cap'n; 'course most pilots do it lengthwise down the runway...
Just out of frame to the right, Andrew Sullivan is on knees and elbows hollering "Brace yourself, Bridgit!"
I'm sorry folks, but this flight was just cancelled. It seems the pilot saw George Kennedy driving the push-back cart...
Best of Silhouette
"This is the shortest runway I've ever landed on in my LIFE! (long pause) Widest, too."
Best of prince of leaves
Looking down the taxiway, the Delta plane saw a fleeting mirage of planes from Eastern, Pan Am, TWA, and Piedmont, and shuddered with doom.
Best of CJ
"In the event of a cabin seizure, a small gun will drop from the panel above your seat. Run to the front of the plane and claim it in the name of Allah!"
AssPress/Excite News
20 comments:
"As soon as the dwarves are done with flight 101, they'll come pull us into the gate."
Amelia Earhart was beginnig to wish she had not borrowed Captain Jack's compass.
or beginning.
"Captain! Look at this long line for takeoff. It's a good thing I was able to sneak some Jack Daniels into the cockpit."
"I always get spooked flying out of Dearborn, Michigan."
I heard that Delta is an acronym for "Don't Expect Luggage To Arrive."
Heckuva landing, Cap'n; 'course most pilots do it lengthwise down the runway...
Just out of frame to the right, Andrew Sullivan is on knees and elbows hollering "Brace yourself, Bridgit!"
Ladies and gents, PLEASE stay in your seats with the seat belt buckled until Captain Kangaroo and the crew finish bouncing us over to the terminal!
ORA?:
I'm sorry folks, but this flight was just cancelled. It seems the pilot saw George Kennedy driving the push-back cart...
ORA:
There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
"This is the shortest runway I've ever landed on in my LIFE! (long pause) But, boy, isn't it wide.
Barbra Streisand (and four other planeloads of her entourage, including one plane just for her speciality bottled water) arrive for the "Save Fuel: Outlaw SUVs" benefit concert.
Fly Safe With Delta: The Only Major American Carrier Which Hasn't Been Hijacked or Bombed Out Of The Sky!
(Yet.)
New slogan: "Delta: Why, Of Course We're Still Flying! For Now..."
Looking down the taxiway, the Delta plane saw a fleeting mirage of planes from Eastern, Pan Am, TWA, and Piedmont, and shuddered with doom.
Shameless ripoff:
Fantastic Voyage: 2007!
A crack team of scientists line up a spaceship on Andrew Sullivan's colon. Objective? To remove a polyp. Unlike the original, ther's no miniaturization involved this time around.
"In the event of a cabin seizure, a small gun will drop from the panel above your seat. Run to the front of the plane and claim it in the name of Allah!"
Good morning Ladies and gents. Before I tell you about our flight, please give a warm Detroit Metro welcome to agent Stan Woderski in seat 23C. Stan's the Air Marshall on this flight...
Our next song is titled 'Abort, Retry, Ignore'
Delta pilot to co-pilot: Screw 'em if we're not facing Mecca like those other planes, we're going this way. Besides, you know what DELTA stands for, right? Don't even let them aboard!!!
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