1. After what Ricky did in the maintenance hangar, all the other airplanes started ignoring him.
2. "And when we get to 30,000 feet, yell 'Allahu Akhbar!' and detonate. Thanks for ending profiling, Nancy Pelosi."
3. "Aw, shit, I just noticed there's a fat Mexican, a hot fugitive chick, an Iraqi, an incestuous teenage couple, and a crippled bald guy on this flight. Get me the Hell Out of Here!"
4. "Your captain, John Denver, and your first officer, Cory Lidle, wish you a very short and pleasant flight."
5. "Your Captain, Mohammed Abdul, and your first officer, Abdul Mohammed, wish you a very short and unpleasant flight. Allahu Akhbar!"
Best of Rodney Dill
"As soon as the dwarves are done with flight 101, they'll come pull us into the gate."
Best of curly
"Captain! Look at this long line for takeoff. It's a good thing I was able to sneak some Jack Daniels into the cockpit."
Best of Submariner
Heckuva landing, Cap'n; 'course most pilots do it lengthwise down the runway...
Just out of frame to the right, Andrew Sullivan is on knees and elbows hollering "Brace yourself, Bridgit!"
I'm sorry folks, but this flight was just cancelled. It seems the pilot saw George Kennedy driving the push-back cart...
Best of Silhouette
"This is the shortest runway I've ever landed on in my LIFE! (long pause) Widest, too."
Best of prince of leaves
Looking down the taxiway, the Delta plane saw a fleeting mirage of planes from Eastern, Pan Am, TWA, and Piedmont, and shuddered with doom.
Best of CJ
"In the event of a cabin seizure, a small gun will drop from the panel above your seat. Run to the front of the plane and claim it in the name of Allah!"