Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Delta Dawn

1. After what Ricky did in the maintenance hangar, all the other airplanes started ignoring him.

2. "And when we get to 30,000 feet, yell 'Allahu Akhbar!' and detonate. Thanks for ending profiling, Nancy Pelosi."

3. "Aw, shit, I just noticed there's a fat Mexican, a hot fugitive chick, an Iraqi, an incestuous teenage couple, and a crippled bald guy on this flight. Get me the Hell Out of Here!"

4. "Your captain, John Denver, and your first officer, Cory Lidle, wish you a very short and pleasant flight."

5. "Your Captain, Mohammed Abdul, and your first officer, Abdul Mohammed, wish you a very short and unpleasant flight. Allahu Akhbar!"

Best of Rodney Dill
"As soon as the dwarves are done with flight 101, they'll come pull us into the gate."

Best of curly
"Captain! Look at this long line for takeoff. It's a good thing I was able to sneak some Jack Daniels into the cockpit."

Best of Submariner
Heckuva landing, Cap'n; 'course most pilots do it lengthwise down the runway...

Just out of frame to the right, Andrew Sullivan is on knees and elbows hollering "Brace yourself, Bridgit!"

I'm sorry folks, but this flight was just cancelled. It seems the pilot saw George Kennedy driving the push-back cart...

Best of Silhouette

"This is the shortest runway I've ever landed on in my LIFE! (long pause) Widest, too."

Best of prince of leaves
Looking down the taxiway, the Delta plane saw a fleeting mirage of planes from Eastern, Pan Am, TWA, and Piedmont, and shuddered with doom.

Best of CJ
"In the event of a cabin seizure, a small gun will drop from the panel above your seat. Run to the front of the plane and claim it in the name of Allah!"



AssPress/Excite News

20 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

"As soon as the dwarves are done with flight 101, they'll come pull us into the gate."

Rodney Dill said...

Amelia Earhart was beginnig to wish she had not borrowed Captain Jack's compass.

Rodney Dill said...

or beginning.

curly said...

"Captain! Look at this long line for takeoff. It's a good thing I was able to sneak some Jack Daniels into the cockpit."

"I always get spooked flying out of Dearborn, Michigan."

Submariner said...

I heard that Delta is an acronym for "Don't Expect Luggage To Arrive."

Submariner said...

Heckuva landing, Cap'n; 'course most pilots do it lengthwise down the runway...

Submariner said...

Just out of frame to the right, Andrew Sullivan is on knees and elbows hollering "Brace yourself, Bridgit!"

Submariner said...

Ladies and gents, PLEASE stay in your seats with the seat belt buckled until Captain Kangaroo and the crew finish bouncing us over to the terminal!

Submariner said...

ORA?:

I'm sorry folks, but this flight was just cancelled. It seems the pilot saw George Kennedy driving the push-back cart...

Submariner said...

ORA:

There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

Silhouette said...

"This is the shortest runway I've ever landed on in my LIFE! (long pause) But, boy, isn't it wide.

Silhouette said...

Barbra Streisand (and four other planeloads of her entourage, including one plane just for her speciality bottled water) arrive for the "Save Fuel: Outlaw SUVs" benefit concert.

prince of leaves said...

Fly Safe With Delta: The Only Major American Carrier Which Hasn't Been Hijacked or Bombed Out Of The Sky!

(Yet.)

prince of leaves said...

New slogan: "Delta: Why, Of Course We're Still Flying! For Now..."

prince of leaves said...

Looking down the taxiway, the Delta plane saw a fleeting mirage of planes from Eastern, Pan Am, TWA, and Piedmont, and shuddered with doom.

Submariner said...

Shameless ripoff:

Fantastic Voyage: 2007!
A crack team of scientists line up a spaceship on Andrew Sullivan's colon. Objective? To remove a polyp. Unlike the original, ther's no miniaturization involved this time around.

CJ said...

"In the event of a cabin seizure, a small gun will drop from the panel above your seat. Run to the front of the plane and claim it in the name of Allah!"

Submariner said...

Good morning Ladies and gents. Before I tell you about our flight, please give a warm Detroit Metro welcome to agent Stan Woderski in seat 23C. Stan's the Air Marshall on this flight...

Anonymous said...

Our next song is titled 'Abort, Retry, Ignore'

Army of Mom said...

Delta pilot to co-pilot: Screw 'em if we're not facing Mecca like those other planes, we're going this way. Besides, you know what DELTA stands for, right? Don't even let them aboard!!!