1. "Because making inferior knock-offs of Apple products is what made me a billionaire. Next question, Idiot."
2. "The hot cylon underwear model who lives in my head says God has a plan for me."
3. "No, the logo is not a secret Pentagram. Oh, wait, it is. Hail Satan!"
4. "OK, Kids, Now we're gonna slow it down a little bit with some Nelly Furtardo."
5. "Of course it locks up unexpectedly and renders your other programs inoperable. It's a Microsoft product, for Science's sake."
6. "It comes pre-loaded with 1 Gig of hip tunes from Kenny G and Zamfir."
7. "And the band would like to thank 'ET the Extra-Terrestrial' for being our roadie."
8. "But enough about Zune, what do y'all think of the third leg I had grafted onto me?"
9. At the end of the Zuney-Tunes show, Bill Gates stammered "Th-th-th-that's all folks."
10. ♫ I feel like I got a f*ckin' gun against my head/ You live when I'm dead/ One more time, mother f*cker/ Everybody hates me now, so f*ck it..." ♫
Best of divine miss m
Keep the day job, Bill; air guitar's obviously not your thing.
Best of jeff
"Why Yes, we had M.C. Escher do both the logo and the user interface - how did you know?"
Best of curly
"...and hackers will love the new wi-fi features..."
Best of ColoradoPatriot
"Even you, with your super-speed couldn't possibly catch both missiles, Superman. While I, with this detonator, could save the world..."
Best of prince of leaves
ORA: "Once men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free. But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them. Welcome to Zune."
Best of Anonymous
Nice. Making fun of a geeky liberal gazillionaire. Read his story. Educate yourselves, morons.
Best of Silhouette
One would think a ten minute "ring tone" solo would leave most crowds flat, but he knew his audience.
Best of Silhouette
"Yes, the logo is several interconnected pink triangles. What are you saying?"
"More cow bell. Nuff said."
Best of Submariner
"...and if your jet crashes in the Andes, the "blue screen of death" makes a fantastic signalling mirror..."