Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Billy and the Boingers

1. "Because making inferior knock-offs of Apple products is what made me a billionaire. Next question, Idiot."

2. "The hot cylon underwear model who lives in my head says God has a plan for me."

3. "No, the logo is not a secret Pentagram. Oh, wait, it is. Hail Satan!"

4. "OK, Kids, Now we're gonna slow it down a little bit with some Nelly Furtardo."

5. "Of course it locks up unexpectedly and renders your other programs inoperable. It's a Microsoft product, for Science's sake."

6. "It comes pre-loaded with 1 Gig of hip tunes from Kenny G and Zamfir."

7. "And the band would like to thank 'ET the Extra-Terrestrial' for being our roadie."

8. "But enough about Zune, what do y'all think of the third leg I had grafted onto me?"

9. At the end of the Zuney-Tunes show, Bill Gates stammered "Th-th-th-that's all folks."

10. ♫ I feel like I got a f*ckin' gun against my head/ You live when I'm dead/ One more time, mother f*cker/ Everybody hates me now, so f*ck it..."

Best of divine miss m
Keep the day job, Bill; air guitar's obviously not your thing.

Best of jeff
"Why Yes, we had M.C. Escher do both the logo and the user interface - how did you know?"

Best of curly
"...and hackers will love the new wi-fi features..."

Best of ColoradoPatriot
"Even you, with your super-speed couldn't possibly catch both missiles, Superman. While I, with this detonator, could save the world..."

Best of prince of leaves
ORA: "Once men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free. But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them. Welcome to Zune."

Best of Anonymous
Nice. Making fun of a geeky liberal gazillionaire. Read his story. Educate yourselves, morons.

Best of Silhouette
One would think a ten minute "ring tone" solo would leave most crowds flat, but he knew his audience.

Best of Silhouette
"Yes, the logo is several interconnected pink triangles. What are you saying?"

"More cow bell. Nuff said."

Best of Submariner
"...and if your jet crashes in the Andes, the "blue screen of death" makes a fantastic signalling mirror..."

20 comments:

divine miss m said...

Keep the day job, Bill; air guitar's obviously not your thing.

jeff said...

"Why Yes, we had M.C. Escher do both the logo and the user interface - how did you know?"

"We guarantee it will run Vista."

curly said...

"...and hackers will love the new wi-fi features..."

"It's got a 10 gig hard drive, which means if you liten to that much music you probably can't hear me right now anyway..."

ColoradoPatriot said...

"Even you, with your super-speed couldn't possibly catch both missiles, Superman. While I, with this detonator, could save the world..."

ColoradoPatriot said...

"The cow says, 'Moo!'"

ColoradoPatriot said...

ORA: "Okay, everybody at once...call your buddy!"

prince of leaves said...

ORA: "Once men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free. But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them. Welcome to Zune."

ColoradoPatriot said...

"Yes, yes...all Ten Commandments, right here. Just downloaded them this morning before coming down here."

------

"And with this, I shall summon the Warlords of Namfouir to begin my reign."

------

"Is my dad still back there?"

------

"Um, did someone drop this?"

Anonymous said...

Nice. Making fun of a geeky liberal gazillionaire. Read his story. Educate yourselves, morons.

Rodney Dill said...

"I was born a poor black child."

Silhouette said...

One would think a ten minute "ring tone" solo would leave most crowds flat, but he knew his audience.

Silhouette said...

"Yes, the logo is several interconnected pink triangles. What are you saying?"

Silhouette said...

"It has the computational speed of 10 supercomputers, more memory than the combined libraries of the world, and it has Pong!"

Silhouette said...

"More cow bell. Nuff said."

Van Helsing said...

Beneath that geeky exterior, a rock star has been waiting for the chance to emerge.

Submariner said...

"...and if your jet crashes in the Andes, the "blue screen of death" makes a fantastic signalling mirror..."

Submariner said...

Pete Atrides didn't quite make it to a water-barren, spice-laden planet, but managed to do well for himself anyways on planet Zune.

Submariner said...

Who'll open the bidding on this unique paperweight at 15 dollars?

Submariner said...

"... and this model is powered by a hybrid of NT®, Millenium® and CE® we affectionately know as MS CEMENT™."

Brian in MA said...

"I did not have sexual relations with that Apple IPod2 Nano. What is the meaning of is."