Friday, November 17, 2006

Because it's got Fez in it, that's why


1. Fantastic Voyage: 2007! A crack team of scientists pilot a spaceship into Andrew Sullivan's colon to remove a polyp. Unlike the original, there's no miniaturization involved.

2. This week on Dirty Jobs, the guys who have to clean up the stage after one of Streisand's Anti-Bush tirades.

3. Soylent Green, Made From the Best Stuff On Earth.*

4. "No, thanks, Mrs. Huffington. We know you like slumming with swarthy, working-class types, but, frankly, I'd rather gut pigs for the next nine hours."

5. "So, when we're done dismembering this one, does Senator Clinton want it dumped in the river or the landfill?"

6. "I don't care how much the trick is paying us for the THX-1138 fantasy, I'm not shaving my head, and I'm not touching his damn beagle."

7. "Bryan! Get away from that carcass!"

8. "I love this time of year, when the processing plant is ripe with the stench of fear crazed turkeys, when big, hard-muscled men with huge, sharp knives slit the turkeys' throats and let the blood run across the floors in little rivers, blood splattering on the feathers and the men's shiny, naked bodies, blood everywhere, blood and feathers, feathers and blood..."

9. "Actually, Miss Hilton, the thought of doing a stupid spoiled whore like you makes me throw up in my helmet a little."

10. "The Democrats say menial jobs are degrading. The Democrats say we'd be better off on welfare. The Democrats say big corporations are exploiting us. The Democrats say..."

* Except when one of Keith Ohlberman's 'Worst Persons in the World' gets mixed in.

Best of Submariner
Bring out yer dead...

Best of Submariner
Mr. V. the K., sir? We're the clean up crew for your website - something about "mental images of Pelosi in a leather-boy outfit" causing regulars to yak on monitors?

Best of Jonathan
With the midterm elections over, Macaca had to return to work at the chicken processing plant.

Best of prince of leaves
Guy in back: "Hey, Eduardo...you ever get that feeling like you're in the prologue to an X-Files episode?"

Best of prince of leaves
ORA: "Capricorn 15's, enter the Carousel! This is the time of renewal!"

Best of Cybrludite
Hello, Ms. O'Donnel, we're here to perform your pap-smear.

19 comments:

ColoradoPatriot said...

Ben & Jerry: The Early Years

The Man said...

Jackie says I can feel her boobs if I get her some fresh meat. Later Kelso and I are going to climb a water tower, which I will likely fall off. Hey this script sucks.

jeff said...

Iranian nuclear tech's work in their burial gowns. It's just more convenient that way.

Submariner said...

Bring out yer dead...

Submariner said...

Pardon me MS Pelosi, can you spare some change for out of work nuclear physicists victims of the DNC election wave?

Submariner said...

Mr. V. the K., sir? We're the clean up crew for your website - something about "mental images of Pelosi in a leather-boy outfit" causing regulars to yak on monitors?

Jonathan said...

With the midterm elections over, Macaca had to return to work at the chicken processing plant.

Rodney Dill said...

(OJA) "220, 221 whatever it takes."

prince of leaves said...

Guy in back: "Hey, Eduardo...you ever get that feeling like you're in the prologue to an X-Files episode?"

prince of leaves said...

¡Hey, Rocky, míreme sacar un chihuahua de mi sombrero!

prince of leaves said...

For those 47 million Americans without adequate health insurance, a trip to Honduras is often the only way to obtain an affordable colonoscopy. Even so, the quality is often questionable.

prince of leaves said...

ORA: "Capricorn 15's, enter the Carousel! This is the time of renewal!"

floranista said...

Raindrops keep falling on my head...

Cybrludite said...

Tryouts for the latest incarnation of the Village People replaced the construction worker with butchers, though they kept the hard-hat for a sense of continuity.

Cybrludite said...

Hello, Ms. O'Donnel, we're here to perform your pap-smear.

Straight8 said...

"Doc, we both got "Montezuma's Revenge" so the stool samples are a little less than firm, if you know what I mean."

Submariner said...

ORA:

As Gian Piero and Massimo entered their 20s, they still got the same mantra from their Uncle; "First meat, then soccer."

Brian in MA said...

"Fez soon came to learn that smoking weed in the 70's gets you nothing but dirty work later."

OR

"Two men, on a mission to clean up the border. (not depicted here)"

Anonymous said...

Wilmer takes his voiceover for "Manny" a little two far. Everyone thought it was cute until 2 people died when the ceiling collapsed.