Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Too Early For Hallowe'en?

1. Larry Bud Melman comes out of retirement and the closet.

2. February 2009, Hillary's Choice for Attorney General goes to her confirmation hearing.

3. The only silver lining was 1.) Stewart was wearing white shoes to her sentencing and 2.) Serial Mom was in the courtroom.

4. "Next, I'm suing to stop people from referring to the ambient temperature in terms of my tits."

5. Next stop, Conjugal Visit with Abdul Rahman.

Best of The Man
BUUUDDD

Best of Adjustah
Holy fuck?! What happened to Roger Ebert?!

Best of evariste
Kellogg's introduces the redesigned Dig'Em Frog mascot for Honey Smacks cereal.

Her prison nickname is Venus Flytrap.

Michael Moore spotted in drag...after breast reduction surgery.

It was a terrible let-down when Charlie Brown finally met the Great Pumpkin.

Best of Curly
"Rosie O'Donnell is such a effeminate, girlish sweetie. I hope my jail bunkmate is just like her!"

"My uterus; nobody cares."

"I cozy up to blind terrorist jihadist because no one else will sit in the same room with me."

Best of sonicfrog
OH MY GOD! John Denver! He's Alive!!!!!

Best of Cybrludite
'Bigger'n a barn... all made o' squirmin' ropes... hull thing sort o' shaped like a hen's egg bigger'n anything with dozens o' legs like hogs-heads that haff shut up when they step... nothin' solid abaout it - all like jelly, an' made o' sep'rit wrigglin' ropes pushed clost together... great bulgin' eyes all over it... ten or twenty maouths or trunks a-stickin' aout all along the sides, big as stove-pipes an all a-tossin' an openin' an' shuttin'... all grey, with kinder blue or purple rings... an' Gawd it Heaven - that haff face on top...'

Best of Anonymous
The most disgusting thing about the picture is that if you rotate it 90 degrees, you would have a pretty reasonable facsimile of her gaping hole.

(PA announcer with reverb): "Now leading off for the 72 Virgins..."

Best of Van Helsing
An unsuspecting horsefly sails straight into its doom.

Best of the paperboy
Ready for my daily government ration of 3000 calories worth of cheese and butter!

Smithers, who is that gastropod?

Best of champaignken
Fat, loud and stupid is no way to go through life (with apologies to Dean Wormer).

Best of attmay
Ouch! Mr. Bundy, those shoes don't fit! This is the last time I shop at Gary's.

Best of Rodney Dill
ribbett!!

Borrowed From: SondraK

25 comments:

jeff said...

"Pat" grows up... and old.

The Man said...

BUUUDDD

The Man said...

Is it Thursday already?

Adjustah said...

Holy fuck?! What happened to Roger Ebert?!

evariste said...

Kellogg's introduces the redesigned Dig'Em Frog mascot for Honey Smacks cereal.

evariste said...

Her prison nickname is Venus Flytrap.

evariste said...

Michael Moore spotted in drag.

evariste said...

Michael Moore spotted in drag...after breast reduction surgery.

evariste said...

Bill Gates has really gained a lot of weight lately.

evariste said...

It was a terrible let-down when Charlie Brown finally met the Great Pumpkin.

Curly said...

"John Kerry for President!"

"Rosie O'Donnell is such a effeminate, girlish sweetie. I hope my jail bunkmate is just like her!"

"Bush lied; my hairdoo died."

"My uterus; nobody cares."

"I cozy up to blind terrorist jihadist because no one else will sit in the same room with me."

sonicfrog said...

OH MY GOD! John Denver! He's Alive!!!!!

Cybrludite said...

I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!

Cybrludite said...

'Bigger'n a barn... all made o' squirmin' ropes... hull thing sort o' shaped like a hen's egg bigger'n anything with dozens o' legs like hogs-heads that haff shut up when they step... nothin' solid abaout it - all like jelly, an' made o' sep'rit wrigglin' ropes pushed clost together... great bulgin' eyes all over it... ten or twenty maouths or trunks a-stickin' aout all along the sides, big as stove-pipes an all a-tossin' an openin' an' shuttin'... all grey, with kinder blue or purple rings... an' Gawd it Heaven - that haff face on top...'

Anonymous said...

The most disgusting thing about the picture is that if you rotate it 90 degrees, you would have a pretty reasonable facsimile of her gaping hole.

Anonymous said...

(PA announcer with reverb): "Now leading off for the 72 Virgins..."

Van Helsing said...

An unsuspecting horsefly sails straight into its doom.

MP Martin said...

Ready for my daily government ration of 3000 calories worth of cheese and butter!

MP Martin said...

If I can't get free room and board by aiding a terrorist, I'm only 15 lbs away from qualifying for a disability for being grossly obese.

Smithers, who is that gastropod?

lawhawk said...

That's the look of someone who knows what it's like not to be facing justice in my courtroom /Antonin Scalia.

Judge: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Especially when they come with a comfy chair!
Stewart: Sweet!

mormonbradybunchdad said...

Look Charlie Brown, it is the Great Pumpkin!!!!

champaignken said...

Fat, loud and stupid is no way to go through life (with apologies to Dean Wormer).

attmay said...

Ouch! Mr. Bundy, those shoes don't fit! This is the last time I shop at Gary's.

Rodney Dill said...

ribbett!!

Enlightenment said...

One thing that struck me as odd in the days after 9/11 was Bush saying "We will not tolerate conspiracy theories [regarding 9/11]". Sure enough there have been some wacky conspiracy theories surrounding the events of that day. The most far-fetched and patently ridiculous one that I've ever heard goes like this: Nineteen hijackers who claimed to be devout Muslims but yet were so un-Muslim as to be getting drunk all the time, doing cocaine and frequenting strip clubs decided to hijack four airliners and fly them into buildings in the northeastern U.S., the area of the country that is the most thick with fighter bases. After leaving a Koran on a barstool at a strip bar after getting shitfaced drunk on the night before, then writing a suicide note/inspirational letter that sounded like it was written by someone with next to no knowledge of Islam, they went to bed and got up the next morning hung over and carried out their devious plan. Nevermind the fact that of the four "pilots" among them there was not a one that could handle a Cessna or a Piper Cub let alone fly a jumbo jet, and the one assigned the most difficult task of all, Hani Hanjour, was so laughably incompetent that he was the worst fake "pilot" of the bunch. Nevermind the fact that they received very rudimentary flight training at Pensacola Naval Air Station, making them more likely to have been C.I.A. assets than Islamic fundamentalist terrorists. So on to the airports. These "hijackers" somehow managed to board all four airliners with their tickets, yet not even ONE got his name on any of the flight manifests. So they hijack all four airliners and at this time passengers on United 93 start making a bunch of cell phone calls from 35,000 feet in the air to tell people what was going on. Nevermind the fact that cell phones wouldn't work very well above 4,000 feet, and wouldn't work at ALL above 8,000 feet. But the conspiracy theorists won't let that fact get in the way of a good fantasy. That is one of the little things you "aren't supposed to think about". Nevermind that one of the callers called his mom and said his first and last name, more like he was reading from a list than calling his own mom. Anyway, when these airliners each deviated from their flight plan and didn't respond to ground control, NORAD would any other time have followed standard operating procedure (and did NOT have to be told by F.A.A. that there were hijackings because they were watching the same events unfold on their own radar) which means fighter jets would be scrambled from the nearest base where they were available on standby within a few minutes, just like every other time when airliners stray off course. But of course on 9/11 this didn't happen, not even close. Somehow these "hijackers" must have used magical powers to cause NORAD to stand down, as ridiculous as this sounds because total inaction from the most high-tech and professional Air Force in the world would be necessary to carry out their tasks. So on the most important day in its history the Air Force was totally worthless. Then they had to make one of the airliners look like a smaller plane, because unknown to them the Naudet brothers had a videocamera to capture the only known footage of the North Tower crash, and this footage shows something that is not at all like a jumbo jet, but didn't have to bother with the South Tower jet disguising itself because that was the one we were "supposed to see". Anyway, as for the Pentagon they had to have Hani Hanjour fly his airliner like it was a fighter plane, making a high G-force corkscrew turn that no real airliner can do, in making its descent to strike the Pentagon. But these "hijackers" wanted to make sure Rumsfeld survived so they went out of their way to hit the farthest point in the building from where Rumsfeld and the top brass are located. And this worked out rather well for the military personnel in the Pentagon, since the side that was hit was the part that was under renovation at the time with few military personnel present compared to construction workers. Still more fortuitous for the Pentagon, the side that was hit had just before 9/11 been structurally reinforced to prevent a large fire there from spreading elsewhere in the building. Awful nice of them to pick that part to hit, huh? Then the airliner vaporized itself into nothing but tiny unidentifiable pieces no bigger than a fist, unlike the crash of a real airliner when you will be able to see at least some identifiable parts, like crumpled wings, broken tail section etc. Why, Hani Hanjour the terrible pilot flew that airliner so good that even though he hit the Pentagon on the ground floor the engines didn't even drag the ground!! Imagine that!! Though the airliner vaporized itself on impact it only made a tiny 16 foot hole in the building. Amazing. Meanwhile, though the planes hitting the Twin Towers caused fires small enough for the firefighters to be heard on their radios saying "We just need 2 hoses and we can knock this fire down" attesting to the small size of it, somehow they must have used magical powers from beyond the grave to make this morph into a raging inferno capable of making the steel on all forty-seven main support columns (not to mention the over 100 smaller support columns) soften and buckle, then all fail at once. Hmmm. Then still more magic was used to make the building totally defy physics as well as common sense in having the uppermost floors pass through the remainder of the building as quickly, meaning as effortlessly, as falling through air, a feat that without magic could only be done with explosives. Then exactly 30 minutes later the North Tower collapses in precisely the same freefall physics-defying manner. Incredible. Not to mention the fact that both collapsed at a uniform rate too, not slowing down, which also defies physics because as the uppermost floors crash into and through each successive floor beneath them they would shed more and more energy each time, thus slowing itself down. Common sense tells you this is not possible without either the hijackers' magical powers or explosives. To emphasize their telekinetic prowess, later in the day they made a third building, WTC # 7, collapse also at freefall rate though no plane or any major debris hit it. Amazing guys these magical hijackers. But we know it had to be "Muslim hijackers" the conspiracy theorist will tell you because (now don't laugh) one of their passports was "found" a couple days later near Ground Zero, miraculously "surviving" the fire that we were told incinerated planes, passengers and black boxes, and also "survived" the collapse of the building it was in. When common sense tells you if that were true then they should start making buildings and airliners out of heavy paper and plastic so as to be "indestructable" like that magic passport. The hijackers even used their magical powers to bring at least seven of their number back to life, to appear at american embassies outraged at being blamed for 9/11!! BBC reported on that and it is still online. Nevertheless, they also used magical powers to make the american government look like it was covering something up in the aftermath of this, what with the hasty removal of the steel debris and having it driven to ports in trucks with GPS locators on them, to be shipped overseas to China and India to be melted down. When common sense again tells you that this is paradoxical in that if the steel was so unimportant that they didn't bother saving some for analysis but so important as to require GPS locators on the trucks with one driver losing his job because he stopped to get lunch. Hmmmm. Yes, this whole story smacks of the utmost idiocy and fantastical far-fetched lying, but it is amazingly enough what some people believe. Even now, five years later, the provably false fairy tale of the "nineteen hijackers" is heard repeated again and again, and is accepted without question by so many Americans. Which is itself a testament to the innate psychological cowardice of the American sheeple, i mean people, and their abject willingness to believe something, ANYTHING, no matter how ridiculous in order to avoid facing a scary uncomfortable truth. Time to wake up America.