Saturday, September 09, 2006

"This Child's Blood Will Enable Me to Cheat Death For Another Week"

-"I have here a life-sized ventriloquist's dummy, made to represent missing Jimmy Danforth. Check back at 11, as we go through the lines he probably said to his kidnappers before they mutilated him!"
-Citizen Grim

That was a wonderful rendition of 'Moonlight Sonata'. Now, let's do 'I Touch Myself'.
-the paperboy

I thought I was entering the "Take an NFL Player to School" contest. Turned out it was the "Take a Smelly Pirate Anchor to School" contest instead and I won...
-Submariner

Does it make you uncomfortable when I touch you here, Adam? How about here, hmmmm?
-Submariner

"See Jonathan? Just smile and toss your hair, and no one will ever know that you read the cue cards wrong."
-David Simon

"What was Mary Kay Latourneau's crime, you ask? Why, let me show you..."
-prince of leaves

(snarled through fake smile) "Quit leaning away from me like I'm a cootie-carrying leper, ya little brat! I don't care if you do have scoliosis!"
-prince of leaves

Katie was sure she could get out of school crossing violation the same way she got out of her speeding tickets.
- attmay

15 comments:

Submariner said...

I thought I was entering the "Take an NFL Player to School" contest. Turned out it was the "Take a Smelly Pirate Anchor to School" contest instead and I won...

Submariner said...

Kommunist Katey decides to really get inside the Letourneau for her feature story...

Submariner said...

Does it make you uncomfortable when I touch you here, Adam? How about here, hmmmm?

Citizen Grim said...

"I have here a life-sized ventriloquist's dummy, made to represent missing Jimmy Danforth. Check back at 11, as we go through the lines he probably said to his kidnappers before they mutilated him!"

MP Martin said...

"Who're you?"
"I'm Little O!"
"Your tire has tire hair too! Can I touch you?"

David Simon said...

"See Jonathan? Just smile and toss your hair, and no one will ever know that you read the cue cards wrong."

David Simon said...

"No kid, I asked you to tickle the ivories for me!

MP Martin said...

Pedophile Of The Week candidate #745. Jimmy was so happy to have Katie as a "friend" that he had to do contortionistic adjustments to contain and disguise his vigilant boyhood.

David Simon said...

"And what are you going to play for me Jonathan?" "I can play Rachmaninoff's Prelude in C Sharp Minor Ms. Couric, but I think Chopstix is more your speed."

MP Martin said...

That was a wonderful rendition of 'Moonlight Sonata'. Now, together lets do 'I Touch Myself'.

prince of leaves said...

"What was all this business with Mary Kay Latourneau, you ask? Why, let me show you..."

prince of leaves said...

(snarled through fake smile) "Quit leaning away from me like I'm a cootie-carrying leper, ya little brat! I don't care if you do have scoliosis!"

divine miss m said...

Katie Couric is the new spokesman for national "Take a 'Tard to Work" day.

attmay said...

Trying to get out of another parking ticket?

Anonymous said...

Katie didn't want to be left out of the "female teacher molesting male students" story.